
“Who the &*$! Is going so &*$!-ing slow up there?!”
Well, allow myself to introduce … myself. I’m that guy. And let me give you three-ish reasons why I am that guy:
1. No Cop-induced Stress Bubble in my Stomach
You know that moment when you fly past a set of roof lights sticking just above a conspicuous shrub along the highway? Your eyes play Pong between the rearview and the speedometer. Your foot tries to inconspicuously lift itself from the gas pedal. Your mind runs through every possible excuse. Your heart races. And your stomach churns.
Bam! Blue lights fill the night and you are the center of attention at mile marker 16 for the next quarter hour.
Yeah. I don’t get that feeling. Anymore. And it’s nice.
2. I don’t like giving my money away
Who the hell wants to give money away for no reason? And I don’t just mean paying the aforementioned ticket.
Most cars, including mine, operate at peak efficiency at around 55–60 mph. Faster than that and fuel (or electron) economy drops. Precipitously. Even a small drop in efficiency adds up quickly at four bucks a gallon (or 20¢ a kWh). I’d rather keep my money, thank you. Even if it means I have to listen to my audiobook a bit longer.
3. I don’t have the right to steal from the future
Now we’re getting to the crux of the matter for me. The transportation sector makes up more than a quarter of all earth-warming CO2 emissions. I (and you and they) am stealing from tomorrow just to move around today. The least I can do is try to steal a little bit less. Right?
3a. I have fun playing the kWh game
Our cars don’t just magically get whatever mpg or m/kWh the EPA says they will. How we drive matters. We ignore this fact but it doesn’t make it any less true. But driving efficiently can be fun. I love looking down at my display and seeing 5.2 m/kWh… almost as much as I love trying to bump that number up to 5.3.
For my dinosaur juice-loving readers out there, let me translate, it’s a lot like seeing your car getting 41 miles per gallon and trying to nudge it up to 42.
Try it sometime. It’s actually way more fun than it admittedly sounds.
3b. You don’t have the right to steal from the future
I can’t stop someone from joining the Escalade Brigade and parading around in their luxury tank trying (and failing) to make killing the planet look good.
I can’t stop someone from complaining about the cost of gas while running their mouth as their Princess Panzer idles beside them, getting literally zero miles to the gallon!
I also can’t stop someone from thinking that said 6,000-pound ego box is necessary for moving a 150-pound human down the street to buy a coffee.
But, what I can do is help them save a little money for a few miles by “encouraging” them to go the speed limit. Now, I’m not an asshole. I drive the speed limit, not under. I drive in the right lane if one is available. And if the yellow line is dashed I don’t mind sliding a bit to the right to make a pass safer.
However, what I won’t do is drive any faster just because the amateur symphony conductor behind me is doing their best impression of an Angry Birds commercial.
No Offense to Sammy Hagar
But I can, and do, drive 55. You should try it.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: iStockPhoto.com




