Less than a week ago, I published an article that focused on questions people should be asking themselves when they are on a relationship break. While putting that piece together, I figured it is worth answering why a relationship makes sense in the first place. So, let’s go.
From the sound of it, a relationship break can be a frightening prospect if your relationship is on shaky grounds.
“What if my partners break up with me in the end?”
“What if they see someone else?”
“Are they taking a break because they need time to create a pretext to a breakup?”
There is a general idea that going on a relationship break signifies the beginning of the end. However, that is not always true — it is all about reasons for doing it.
If taken for the right reasons, a relationship break can give the relationship new life and offer both partners a fresh pair of eyes. However, if taken for the wrong reasons, a relationship break serves as the fuel that fans the flames, ultimately turning the relationship into ashes.
That being said, here are three reasons why going on a relationship break could be a sensible move to make:
1. If you are about to implode in the relationship, you have to pause
More often than not, you just feel like the relationship is too much to handle. It could be because you and your partner are constantly at each other’s necks. Alternatively, it might be because of some underlying issue in the relationship that is yet to be resolved.
If either of you is feeling overwhelmed to the point where neither of you can continue with your daily lives, it is time to pull over.
A break can be a legitimate reason to regain some personal space without reaching the ultimate decision to break up. When you choose to go on a relationship break, you pledge to each other not to date someone else and take all the necessary time to rethink and gain new perspectives.
Most of the time, you feel overwhelmed in your relationship because of the quarrels that appear to have no limits and your inability to reach a peaceful settlement.
Going on relationship hiatus will not be helpful unless you plan to tackle these problems first. You can start by determining the underlying cause of those problems.
For instance, if you both are arguing all the time, it could be that one or both of you might be insecure or have problems communicating openly and adequately. If that is the case, going on a relationship break to sharpen your communication skills is beneficial.
In addition, you should also dig deep to discover the root cause of insecurity that is creating these frictions in the relationship. Ask yourself:
Is it a personal problem or a relationship problem?
For instance, if your significant other has been sincere and faithful to you from the beginning and jealousy still grabs ahold of you each time s/he interacts with another man/woman, it is most likely a personal problem.
You created these jealousy tendencies either from relationships with other people or some unresolved childhood issues. If true, you should take this time and opportunity to work on yourself.
In contrast, suppose you were loyal and have utter trust in your partner until one day, you learn that he/she is having an affair with another man/woman. You discussed it, forgave him/her and pretended nothing happened. However, you could never find a reason to trust him/her again. In that case, you should seriously think about pulling the plug unless you come up with a solution. If your partner refuses to put in the effort to regain that trust, it is impossible for this relationship to continue any longer.
If you were feeling overwhelmed because both of you could not find a middle ground on an issue, then you can use this break to evaluate things thoroughly and pinpoint how significant that issue means to you.
Disagreements in significant aspects of one’s life such as religion, politics, values and career choice typically lead to the collapse of a relationship.
On the other hand, disputes in not-so-serious aspects of life such as time management can be settled through proper communication and understanding.
2. Going on relationship hiatus can be a wise decision if one of you cheated.
For the majority of people, the action or state of being unfaithful to another is commonly a deal-breaker. However, in some instances, you have invested far too much and ventured too deep in a relationship to simply leave because of one misstep. If your partner cheated on you for another, and you are having a rough time forgiving them, the time to take a break is now.
When you inform your partner that you would like to take a break, your partner will understand why. They would not attempt to convince you to bring them back because you are not really calling it quits. All you are doing here is asking them to give you the time and space to regain emotional control before making your thoughts coherent again.
When you choose to go on relationship hiatus for this reason, you should clearly outline several things to them:
- There is no guarantee that you will return to them by the end of the break.
- You are doing this so that you can digest this and figure out what is the best course of action from here.
- That you will only be returning them once you are confident you can trust them again.
- Establish a rough timeline for the break but do not adhere to it. Inform them that you will take more time, if necessary.
3. Consider taking a break if you are having reservations about commitment
Frequently, people find themselves in a relationship they are not uncertain about. Before you know it, your partner expects you to sign the wedding papers and become a parent.
Since you have devoted so much resources to this relationship, you do not truly want to wave the white flag. However, a part of you does not want to commit either. A portion of you believes there is something better out there, waiting for you to grab it. A piece of you believes that your partner is not “the one.”
Fret not, here come the invisible and thus mysterious powers of a relationship break to rescue you. If you are not uncertain about giving your all to your partner, it is worth asking them for a pause. A relationship hiatus is an excellent way to determine if you are simply someone who gets cold feet quickly or if your partner is not the one you are looking for.
Heads up, though, before you inform your partner that you want to step aside for a while, be prepared for the worst. If your partner was not made aware of your reservations, you wanting to take a break will come as a shock to them, and it will probably make them question their loyalty to you as well.
You should anticipate lots of pain and emotions coming your way when you spill the beans to them. However, from my perspective, the rewards you reap at the end are priceless. If your partner is incompatible, it is better you realise that now instead of decades later.
“The worst thing you can do with your life is to spend it with the wrong human being.”
— Daniel Sloss
If they compliment you and fit perfectly in your life, you will sooner or later find out and be ready for commitment.
If you insist on going on a relationship break for this reason, you should bear in mind the following points:
- Inform them that you still are looking out for them and that this does not mark the beginning of the end.
- Establish clear boundaries about dating others during this period. Whether or not you want to go on dates, never lie.
- Establish a clear timeline for the break to pass. You care about them, and it will be rude to leave them in suspense indefinitely. Hence, it is worth establishing a clear timeline before breaking the news to them. If you end up still feeling uncertain, it is best to pull the plug and put them behind you.
Conclusion
A relationship hiatus can be a wise decision if you are in a precarious position in your relationship. It grants you the time and perspective you need to make the right choice.
However, when you pause the relationship, the reasons to take it should be made clear to yourself and your partner. You should talk about the details of the break clearly and establish a clear timeline.
If you are still not confident about resuming the relationship and thus need more time to figure things out, inform your partner about it as they may be waiting for you to leave your cave.
If you have decided to go on a relationship break, you should stick to it. Do not return to your partner solely because you miss their presence.
Ensure that you have put behind the issue that made you take a break before continuing the relationship.
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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