3 Signs You Are Dealing With an Emotionally Manipulative Partner

Have you ever been in an exchange with a partner, and it seems you can never win? Even more, you feel so weakened that you have to win.

Somehow, you presented an issue, but by the end, you apologized because frustration boiled over.

The first time I heard of these scenarios, I thought my therapist was in the room listening to my day-to-day life in my prior relationship.

Before we move on, I do not write articles so you can weaponize them against your partner.

I don’t write articles so you can throw a parade and put yourself on a pedestal above others.

My articles are about awareness, action, and restructuring your dynamics with understanding and a real game plan.

Manipulation is not always a conscious behavior.

Sometimes, people subconsciously try to manipulate their environment to find comfort because it is a coping mechanism.

That does not mean that taking it out on you is acceptable, but it does mean that there is a set of actions to be aware of so you know when your partner is going down that path.

But

You should kill these behaviors before they grow and implement a low-tolerance policy.

X>Y, Y>X

We all know the first scenario all too well.

You present a problem to your partner, and instead of acknowledging their wrongdoing, they take a backend journey to explain how their action was a reaction.

It is frustrating because their unknown tactic (or known) is to turn the problem on you, and as soon as you try to present your case again, “You’re being defensive.”

Yes, our culprit who consistently plays the victim.

The victim mentality often comes from past trauma and a lack of ability to express and expect a positive response.

There is a difference between trying to manipulate you and manipulating the environment.

Neither is acceptable, but in this case, it is the latter.

You are dealing with someone who often feels powerless. You are dealing with someone who sees conversations about improvement as an attack or a conflict to avoid.

I could tell you something cliche like “avoid this person at all costs.” Yes, only if we had a crystal ball, so we knew this was coming after the honeymoon phase.

I don’t tell people to end their relationships, but this one is up to your partner to change. It is their battle, and you can not be on the receiving end of their inability to cope.

The receptors

I want to reiterate a point. Manipulative behaviors don’t always result from trying to manipulate a person but from trying to manipulate your environment.

Well, I’ll be less forgiving about this next point.

Have you ever approached your partner with an issue, but your emotions and feelings aren’t received?

It looks like this:

You go to your partner with an issue or address an item of concern they bring to you.

When you tell them your thoughts, they show signs of shutting down or appearing sad.

What you said gets deconstructed and broken down because of how it made them feel.

Your original point is out of the window.

Master manipulators will listen to what you say and make the overarching issue about how they feel about what you said.

Again, restructure the conversation to make themselves the victim.

It doesn’t matter how you curate your words, how you introduce the topic, or how much accountability you take when bringing up an issue that is their fault.

They will make you the attacker.

You will lose any desire to communicate with someone who displays this behavior, shut down, become less expressive, and often end up being the one at the center of blame for things falling apart.

The back pocket

Okay, the last one is zero tolerance.

I don’t tell people to leave relationships. Leave this relationship if you are in it.

Have you had a partner who wanted you to be open and vulnerable and tell them about moments from your past?

Great — until they use those moments and weaponize them against you.

Master manipulators will do two things:

In a moment of conflict, they will use a trait or characteristic from your past and then use it as “an explanation for a current behavior.” Completely unrelated events, unified against you.
The “log.” Times where you have had a conflict and resolved it, but an unrelated event is combined and stacked to create a “recurring” example.

Before that is taken out of context, there are times when past actions can explain current behaviors, but in this example, it is a last resort to gain control over the conversation.

The second bullet is saying you forgive and forget, but remembering and accusing with every chance they get.

You are never going to win, and you should not engage with someone who is looking for a counterattack at all times.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

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