Like always my stories are based on personal experiences and my opinion.
I was already someone’s second choice, twice actually and I know what it cost me and what it changed me. Nowadays it’s very difficult for me to trust someone and not being a little bit paranoid.
Be careful with these things because it can really damage you and change how you interact with people.
This is something people do a lot. They just save and fool someone to have a second choice if something goes wrong with the first. You have a couple of things the other one is missing but they don’t really love you. Let’s be realistic. They are just toying with you. They text you and call you now and then, but they disappear for no reason sometimes and for the most absurd reasons, well they are with the first choice or giving all their attention to it.
They will make sure to send you cute messages, memes, photos from time to time just to hold you and make you think they like you. That way they keep you close, but not too close.
It’s more than a friendship but it’s not a relationship.
If you are talking with somebody and don’t know how to describe it these 3 signs can help you decipher if you are the second choice.
. . .
1 — They say cute/romantic stuff sometimes but when you do the same they don’t reciprocate.
If you are the second one they will try to hold you by being kind, compliment you, make cute comments and spice up the conversation from now and then.
However, when you try to do the same they seem to step back. This is because they don’t have the control so they are afraid where the chat could go.
Deep down they don’t want to get serious with you and it scares them that when you bring those topics, or keep the conversation for too long, things might get to the next level — which they don’t want.
2 — “The timing is not good”
The old expression that almost everyone already heard.
Timing is against you and there is always in the middle. This is a common thing for those people to say because it closes a door but opens a window if you know what I mean. Basically they are saying I can’t or I don’t want it right now but in the future I might. Well from experience, usually, the timing never comes.
3 — They are in a relationship already or have another person
Although this seems obvious you are falling for a trap, if you like someone you easily get this pass. The loved one will encourage you to close your eyes saying things like “we are going through tough times.” if they have someone.
If they are single there is also a common point made “You’re an ideal partner but I’m still recovering from a previous relationship” or “I’m not ready yet to someone like you yet”.
. . .
There are more signs and red flags but I think these 3 are the most critical and when you spot them is the time to give up and move on. Listen, your time is the most important thing you have and you shouldn’t waste it.
Not only are these people stalling you and creating an illusion, it can easily become something to burn you out. You will start doubting yourself, thinking there is something wrong with you and the amount of time, money and even health you gave for them it’s not recoverable.
You’re worth it and you’re on the right side. Keep doing good and good will soon come to you.
This post was previously published on Medium.
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