If you’re in pursuit of a better body, a more successful business, or both – and you’re tired of the roller coaster of superficial change followed by being right back where you started – here’s what NOT to do.
—
I work with people who want to transform their bodies. The way their bodies move, the way they function, and yes, the way they look.
Of course we start by setting goals, I promise that isn’t going to be one of the things I tell you NOT to do, but first we have to get on the same page about the difference between transformation and superficial change. Because goals related to superficial change (weight, BMI, six-pack abs, and waist size, for example) won’t create transformation, yet transformation is essential to sustaining superficial changes.
Because transformation is an inside-out process. It changes the inherent makeup of whatever is transformed. Physical transformation means you’ve altered posture, heart and other organ performance, circulation, form, and nutrition. Think of it as the triumvirate of “Fuel, Form, and Function.”
◊♦◊
Curious about how that relates to other types of transformation, and in the process of creating transformation in my own business, I had a conversation with my former business coach, Dixie Gillaspie.
Dixie is a Senior Managing Editor and Contributor here on The Goodmen Project, so you can read her bio and some of her hard-hitting articles about business like “What Kind of Company Tells SeaWorld, ‘Thanks for the Order, but We Don’t Want Your Money.” But more than that, she’s been an inspiration and angel adviser to a lot of start up and struggling businesses, so she knows what transformation from the inside-out is all about.
Most people who say they want to transform their bodies have a secret (or maybe not so secret) belief that having the body they want means they’ll be happy. Or at least happier.
|
We sat down and talked through three of the biggest mistakes we see people making on their way to transformation, and found that they were the same in both the pursuit of a better body and a more successful business.
◊♦◊
Don’t Worship False Idols
Most people who say they want to transform their bodies have a secret (or maybe not so secret) belief that having the body they want means they’ll be happy. Or at least happier. I’d bet, and Dixie says I’d win, that most people who say they want to transform their business have a belief that more money will do the same thing.
Of course, fitness gurus and business gurus both work hard to support that belief. Because when you believe that what they offer is happiness, no amount of money or effort is too much.
So why won’t those goals create transformation?
I’ve known a lot of unhappy people with slim bodies and fat bank accounts. Haven’t you?
But even if you believe that those people are just too stupid to know how good they’ve got it, while you are sure you’re smart enough to be happy when you’re slim and rich, creating an emotional attachment to appearance or money won’t get you there.
… transformation takes energy. Even superficial change takes energy, but it’s a sprint. Transformation isn’t just a marathon run, it’s a cross country journey.
|
Here’s why.
First off, transformation takes energy. Even superficial change takes energy, but it’s just a sprint. Transformation isn’t just a marathon run, it’s a cross country journey.
If you’re setting your sights on something that isn’t, deep in your heart and soul, meaningful to you, you’re going to give up before you make it across one county line.
Do you really think you want a better body? Or more money?
◊♦◊
If you ever work with Dixie you’ll likely go through this exercise with her:
Close your eyes and imagine you’re showing me to your kitchen table. And I’m dragging behind me a huge suitcase. Together we heave it onto the table and open it. Inside are one million one dollar bills. That’s right, one million dollars. If money makes you happy then you should be thrilled, right? Because it’s all for you. Every single greenback. With only one caveat: you cannot spend it, invest it, or give it away. But it’s all yours. How excited are you now?
When she does this exercise in workshops you can feel the energy drain from the room. Because people soon realize that what motivates them is what they believe money represents; spending power, security against disaster, the ability to give to causes, and so on.
It’s the same when I talk to clients about a “better body.” If we assume they have a better body, but there are no mirrors and everyone they meet is blind, we start getting to the core of what they believe they’ll gain when they’ve transformed their body; sexual attraction, respect (or even envy) of their peers, the physical ability to do things they want to do, and so on.
But here’s the real reason that setting your sights on a killer body or tripling your income won’t carry you through transformation, it’s a goal that is outside of yourself. It isn’t about changing you, it’s about changing your circumstances.
In this fascinating post from “habit expert” James Clear, he notes that creating identity-based habits is more likely to keep you on track than setting performance and appearance goals. Because the goals that move us forward the most consistently and powerfully are ones that are based on who we want to be, how we want to identify. And changing how you see yourself is vital to becoming the slim and fit, successful and wealthy, and most importantly, happy, person you want to be.
Don’t Confuse Discomfort With Pain
We’ve all heard “no pain, no gain.” It’s a mantra that just won’t leave our collective consciousness. In fact, the Western world seems to have a love affair with suffering on all levels. We moan/brag about our 60 hour weeks and our aching quads. We seem to have completely adopted as truth this idea that you can’t make progress without moving through pain.
Elite athletes, even serious college athletes, train through pain. I know, I worked with the University of Missouri – Columbia football and wrestling teams in the athletic training department. But those athletes are working on performance goals, not transformation goals.
Pain in the transformation process warps the outcome. Because pain is our body’s way of saying “Don’t do that.”
|
Pain in the transformation process warps the outcome. Because pain is our body’s way of saying “Don’t do that.”
Discomfort, on the other hand, is our body’s way of saying, “You’re asking me to do something I’m not used to doing. And I’m not at all sure I like it.”
There is a sweet spot right between discomfort and pain that is your optimal training zone. Confuse the two and you’ll either back off from your efforts before you make progress or you’ll “push through the pain,” creating dysfunction in the short term, and maybe the long term.
“Oh yeah,” Dixie says. “I see that attitude in entrepreneurs and business leaders all the time. They have this notion that transforming the business, even managing the business, means long days and short nights, no vacations or only “working vacations,” no time for leisure reading or a walk in the park, and if you take time for lunch you eat at your desk.”
She admits she was once one of those people, equating pushing through pain with a good work ethic and dedication to her clients. No more.
Transforming her business, she says, meant getting better not getting tireder. Being the best for her clients, making good decisions, not burning out — that’s what really made her business, and her life, worthwhile. And since she is the driving force in her business, that means she has to take care of herself in order to take care of her business.
The same is true of your body. Once you are the fit and healthy physical self you want to be and you’re ready to work on upleveling your athletic performance, your trainer will set different parameters for you.
But to create transformation you need to move through discomfort but STOP when you feel pain.
Don’t Forget to Breathe
If this seems obvious, you might be surprised at how many people hold their breath and contort their faces when they’re maximizing their physical effort.
Our breath is the greatest indicator of how we move through our life. Of course, if you stop breathing you’ll stop moving. But when it comes to transforming your body, especially the way your body moves, the quickest to achieve movement mastery is to master the way you breathe.
Veteran superstar athletes and stage performers practice breathing with the same dedication they bring to training their muscles and voices.
Breath oxygenates the blood and fuels the brain and muscles. Powerful, controlled breathing, especially on the exhale, cleanses carbon dioxide from the body. Excessive carbon dioxide is usually the culprit in that “out of gas” fatigued, or even light-headed, anxious, feeling you get during a workout or a workday.
The rhythm of your breathing is important too, not only in your physical training, but in your business performance as well.
The breath informs so much, Dixie agrees. It sends signals to our brain and nervous system about what we’re experiencing and what we’re expecting. If you want to bring on an anxiety attack, just start breathing as though you’re having one. The brain will soon get the message and start freaking out. Your palms will sweat, your eyes will have trouble focusing, you might even start to stammer.
But take your breathing to a slow, calm pace and watch what happens. Your mind clears, your vision clears, your mood lifts.
… if you stop doing these three things you’ll be ready to create true transformation instead of getting back on that slippery slope of forcing superficial change.
|
It’s also important, in transforming both your body and your business, to give yourself breathing space, and breathing breaks. Time to recharge and recover is essential. Mixing up your strength training with rejuvenating yoga sessions, taking days off, and meditation, are methods I use with clients who are in the transformation stage.
Like many coaches, Dixie is a strong proponent of meditation as well (read Why Men Should Stop Thinking – For Health’s Sake! by Tamilyn Banno.) Dixie also teaches many methods of visioning, journaling, and retreat design that are the equivalent of yoga for your business because it takes more than heavy lifting to build a successful enterprise.
Finally, taking those “breathing breaks” is essential for integration. It’s the time you need for the changes to meld together, to become part of who you are, how you move, how you think, and how you work.
◊♦◊
Of course, it’s not that simple. Nothing ever is. But I can promise you this, if you focus on these three things you’ll be ready to create true transformation instead of getting back on that slippery slope of forcing superficial change.
—
Philip Penrose is also the author of Diminishing Returns – Modern Man and His Body’s Cry for HELP!
—
Although I appreciate the input from Dixie, it’s much like men telling women what clothes to wear or what is the best bra. It would seem that in today’s “new world” men are becoming less and less capable of being a man and only live for acceptance by those that a generation ago would’ve been dismissed as be too touchy feely to be truly manly.
As I said, I appreciate her input, but for real life lessons about being a man i would rather it came from a man.
I agree with Peter
I’m very sorry you feel that way gentlemen, I’d like to point out that I credit Dixie with an extremely large percentage of my professional development over the last 3 years.
If you didn’t gain any insight from the article, I apologize, but if this is the same advice you would take from a man, but not from a woman then I have to ask, ” Why pose unnecessarily arbitrary statistical constrictions on what you allow to positively impact your life?”