3 Things That Are Blocking You From Having a Great Online Dating Experience

A friend of mine at work just discovered Bumble and has been very active ever since. She talked to different guys every day and became addicted to their virtual “attention.”

But after a couple of months, it still didn’t go anywhere. She still hasn’t got the “right” guy yet, and many dates she went end up with such horrible experiences.

Either the guy she went out with was already married or any other red flags.

The point is, there’s always something bad that happens that block her from having a good experience in the dating App.

In this case, I know she’s definitely not alone. Many people give up on online dating because they think they don’t have control of what will happen to them — they sort of depend on luck to make it work.

But of course, this isn’t true. The reality is you can always “navigate” your experience into a great one by removing all the things that block your way.

…

1. Having high expectations in the get-go

It’s indeed exciting to see how “easy” it is to swap left and right when you just joined the App.

Imagine from being so hard to meet someone new in real life to this access where you freely choose who you’d want to be with by seeing their faces on the screen.

Especially on dating Apps such as Bumble, if you’re a woman, you’ll have the privilege to choose who you want to talk to. So you have to make the first move, and no man can randomly pop up in your inbox.

With all this one-click-away type of access, people become entitled to how much they should get. They’ll get mad when people ghost them.

While I myself hate those who like to ghost other people, I also don’t think it’s right to expect that everyone you swiped right will genuinely like you back.

That’s why to lower your expectations and avoid taking them too seriously. Does someone play mind games with you? Leave them. No proper conversation, and he’s a bit rude? Block him.

Having your expectations as low as possible is the only way to have a better experience because you won’t be so hurt when people ghost you or mistreat you.

You still have many options lining up anyway.

…

2. Lowering or not having standards at all

Are you one of those girls who still stick around for more than a couple of months after the guy blatantly told you he doesn’t want a relationship?

All he wants is casual sex and maybe a date in a beach club if he’s feeling it.

Though things like this can happen to guys, too, it still happens a lot more to girls nowadays. There are a couple of reasons for this case; first, these people don’t really know what they want in a partner.

They think they’ll just “sweep right and see,” but even when you don’t plan to get serious with someone through online dating, you still need to have some ground “rules” of how you want to be treated.

Secondly, they think they can change this new person once they know them better in the future. They fall into a “potential” trap where they have a fixed image of what relationship they want to have, but they forget that you can never change someone as to how you want it in your head.

Dating online is just the same as dating in real life — you still need to accept them for who they are.

…

3. Investing time and energy way too soon

Online dating is hard for people with anxious attachment style because they have this tendency to want intimacy too soon which result in them being too invested emotionally and physically earlier.

The problem with online dating is, everyone always has one or more options in front of them at a time, so it’s impossible to expect them to “commit” with us right away — even if we had a strong connection with them.

Many people don’t realize this is such a big deal. Nothing comes good from investing your emotional part and time in your day to someone who isn’t clear they want the same thing.

Everything takes time.

To avoid this happening to you, you can refrain from focusing only on one person and, instead, keep your options wide open until you find someone who’s truly worth the effort.

…

Parting Words

All those 3 are the main things that I noticed blocking people from making dating apps work. Of course, other details such as; aggressive bio or weird profile might turn people off, but the principle is still the same.

It’s hard to find the right person for you if you have unrealistic expectations or do not have standards at all.

However, I also want you to know that online dating isn’t dead. Some people find their “soulmates” because they know how to play it well.

A recent reader of mine told me he found the woman he dreamt of because he didn’t jump from one person to another too quickly and take his time in getting to know someone.

So pick wisely before investing your time and energy to be with someone you met online. There’s no need to rush it out.

…

I write about all things you might struggle with within your love life. My main goal is to make you feel less alone on your journey. If you resonate with my stories, stay in tune by becoming a Medium member here and or you can buy me a coffee here 🙂

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.

***