Men are often expected to be “handy;” capable of fixing things around the house and tackling DIY projects. You might hear passing comments about how you should be doing your own car repairs, or you might be actively shamed for not knowing how to handle a seemingly basic task like changing the filter in your furnace.
It can feel bad to be on the receiving end of comments like these, even if you logically acknowledge that you don’t have to be a handyman to be a good person and a valuable family member. But two things can simultaneously be true here:
(1) The “handy” stereotype is often underserved and is not necessary to follow; and
(2) Becoming handier can boost your confidence and make you feel better about yourself.
Dealing With Stereotypes
First, let’s focus on how to deal with some of those negative and looming stereotypes.
- Assess your worth by your own standards. Don’t allow someone else to dictate the standards by which you define your own self-worth. If someone else thinks that you’re less of a man or less of a person because you don’t know how to change your own oil, that’s their problem. Their standards don’t have to become your standards.
- Take flippant comments in the proper perspective. If someone does make passive comments to you about your inability to handle certain things or about your collection of skills, take them with the proper perspective. The thinking of a person making those comments is likely confined by gender stereotypes and they don’t particularly care about your thoughts and feelings. In fact, they may be trying to put you down and make you feel bad intentionally – meaning you can comfortably disregard their opinion.
- Focus on your other strengths. Instead of focusing on what you can’t do, focus on what you can do. You may not be able to wire a new ceiling fan, but you might be extremely talented in some other area, like painting, cooking, or investing. Nobody is good at everything, and everybody is good at something.
DIY Projects and Confidence
That said, developing your skills as a handyman can help you boost your own confidence in several ways:
- Exposure to many different areas. Many DIY projects require you to interact with different people, different pieces of equipment, and even different industries. For example, in the context of a single project, you might be required to rent a dumpster, learn how to demolish a kitchen, visit a recycling center, and talk to a plumbing expert all on the same day. Exposure to all these different elements Will increase your knowledge and broaden your perspective.
- Overcoming challenges. Most projects do have some sort of learning curve, requiring you to encounter new obstacles and find new ways to overcome them. The more frequently you run into problems and work your way past them, the better you’re going to feel about yourself.
- A sense of mastery. Over time, as you gain more experience, you’re going to build a sense of mastery. Your skills are going to improve and you’re going to develop much more knowledge, eventually making you feel better about your own capabilities.
- Familiarity with your surroundings. Becoming handier also allows you to become more familiar with your surroundings. You’ll get to know the inner workings of your car and better understand the mechanical components responsible for keeping your house comfortable. Overall, it gives you a sense of environmental control and mastery.
- Skill and assistance. It also feels good to be able to use your skills to help other people. Whether you’re helping your parents maintain their furnace or you’re helping a stranger change their tire on the side of the road, your skills will come in handy and make you feel like a big person.
Tips for Building Confidence Through DIY Projects
So what’s the best way to build confidence through developing handy skills and tackling DIY projects?
- Start small. You always have to start small. Don’t try to tackle a job worth tens of thousands of dollars or one that’s inherently dangerous right away.
- Do your research. Be cautious and do your research before attempting anything on your own.
- Work with other experts (when possible). Get advice from more experienced pros or collaborate with people who have professional training.
- Accept failures. Learn to admit and accept your limitations – and don’t feel bad about them.
As you become more familiar with your house and the mechanical requirements to keep it in good condition, you’re going to become more confident. You can still leave all those old stereotypes behind and focus on your own definition of self-worth, but you’ll feel more competent and more in control of your environment.
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This post is brought to you by Larry Alton.
Photo credit: Shutterstock
