Ending a relationship is difficult. We all have been there, we all experienced the pain, we all wallowed in sorrow and recovered eventually. When I got my heart broken for the first time I had no idea what was going on. My body ached, my heart ached, everything in my life lost meaning and I was extremely confused.
Why do people break up? It’s such bullshit.
Then again, after darkness comes light, and each time I suffer from an ending, I know some tricks to limit the time of my suffering.
Did you know that according to a study made with 1404 participants, the average time to get over a breakup is 11 weeks?
Just three months.
All it takes is three months.
I don’t know about the people who participated in this study but for me, I had spent a lot more than 11 weeks getting over some people in my life.
I did two things wrong that prolonged the recovery. I didn’t let it all out properly and I enjoyed the suffering.
Yes, suffering gives us a level of comfort and connection to the past, therefore we stick to it.
I do believe the advice on the internet is right. Going out with friends and family, quiet walks, joining a gym, journaling, and eating healthy are all very essential when it comes to feeling better about ourselves. But if you are eating a healthy salad whilst stalking your ex on social media continuously then you are not really letting it all out.
So, without further ado, here are the tricks that I have used before to get over a breakup and I hope to God I never have to use them again.
#1 Burn The Journal
Do it. Write it out and then burn it. Write out I love you and I hate you and all the things you wished you could say to that person and burn it to the ground. With each sentence, you’ll cry and feel nauseated but do it anyway. Once you are done, go to the sink, be really careful, and burn the paper. Even if you can’t burn the whole thing like me because I’m afraid I’m gonna burn my house down, just burn some of it, smell the smoke, say out loud, it is all in the past now. Then rinse it off, tear down the paper into very small pieces and take the trash out.
Our subconscious is still running the show of that previous relationship so we need to prove to our subconscious that it is over. Once it believes it is done, it will allow you to have different thoughts and stay in the moment of life easily.
Do this until you run out of words. Please bear in mind, that you might feel really tired after the first few times of this exercise, so maybe don’t make big plans afterward and have a quiet day.
#2 No Contact
This is a must. This is essential. This will save you more scars.
Especially at the very beginning, you have to protect your mind and soul from going back to the source of the pain.
Remember, he/she may have caused the pain but they don’t hold the cure for it. They just created it without the medicine. So don’t go back.
Even if you believe he/she is your one and only trust that if they truly are then they’ll be yours. No contact is ultimately a time for you to spend time with yourself and to have a better life. If there is a pause in life, it is necessary that you stop what you are doing.
After a breakup, just stop. Forget them and remember you.
#3 Take a Seat
Letting it all out is crucial not for the short run but more for the long run. Let’s face it, no heartbreak aches at the same level as it did a year before. Time heals all wounds but doesn’t guarantee health in the end. If you don’t let your anger and hurt out you can’t recover completely. That wound starts to harden and in time you don’t feel as though you are hurting anymore. Then again, the hardened wound is still a wound.
So take a chair, imagine the person who had done you wrong sitting on that chair right in front of you and talk to them. Let all our anger and love out, just say it all, scream if you need to. Once you feel like you are done, listen to what they have to say.
I promise you, they’ll say something.
Heartbreaks have two rules and it applies to us all.
They always pass.
They always suck.
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By April Moons
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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 The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer |
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Photo credit: Mark Duffel on Unsplash
