3 Validations That a Cheater Can Change

“Once a cheater is not always a cheater”

The phrase “once a cheater is always a cheater” has been imprinted in a lot of people’s consciousness, pushing them to not trust other people. However, do you think it’s fair to judge someone just because they made a mistake in the past? Relationships and personal growth are not perfect and not linear, and all people are capable of being better, if they desire to. Sometimes you do better things that will have a better result in the future. Sometimes you make the worst decision that you think is the best, until you realize that it’s not. Instead of judging a person too quickly, we need to understand the complexities of human behavior and the capacity for change, so we can begin to see why the phrase “once a cheater is always a cheater” may not be true in all cases. Here are three reasons why “once a cheater” does not always mean “always a cheater.”

Experiencing the consequences of their actions

Every bad choice you make has consequences including losing everything and everyone that is important to you. One of the most powerful motivations that will help you become a better person is an experience, especially the bad ones. The overwhelming guilt, shame, and a complete loss of everything you’ve ever had before can push you to work on yourself and reflect on your actions. For example, you cheat on your long term partner with another person you assume can make you satisfied. When the truth comes out, your legal significant other leaves you, and that’s when you realize how much she or he matters to you. You miss just not just her or him, but also everything you had with her or him. People say we only realize the worth of someone or something once we don’t have them anymore. It’s because it’s in our human nature to constantly look for what we don’t have rather than cherishing what we have. This painful realization can be a powerful trigger for personal growth and transformation, and to be a better person in a relationship. The consequences will force you to acknowledge your mistakes and learn valuable lessons that will shape your future actions and decisions.

People can change overtime

I believe that we all have a potential to learn from our past and become the best version of ourselves. Your past experiences will give you a lesson and a fear of what may happen in the future will force you to do something better. A cheater who is also a human being can’t escape from any life lessons. He or she will get his bad karma which is needed. I don’t think bad karma is essentially bad at all. Good karma is rewarding but bad karma is what you need for you to grow as a person. In order to flourish, you need to reflect what happened in the past. You can’t make the same mistake again; otherwise it will ruin your future. For example, let’s assume that you cheated in your previous relationship. You might have experienced intense regret, loneliness, and guilt because you just lost someone that matters to you. It might not be your intention to hurt that person’s feelings but the damage has already been done. After that, your life is not the same anymore. Your life will never be the best version of yourself if you keep making the same mistake over and over again.

They work on improving themselves

Some people improve after they realize that cheating ruins their lives. They get that they have to reflect on what they did and look for ways to be better and to make sure they don’t repeat the same mistakes. They may involve themselves in self help resources, talking to a therapist, or even attending workshops on relationships and personal growth. By actively working on their personal development, they become more self aware and less likely to engage in behavior that can harm their relationships with other people again. This self awareness will help them not only to avoid repeating the past mistakes but it will also help their ability to communicate openly and honestly with their partners. Let’s assume that you got through a rough break up and turn your life upside down because you cheat. So, you decide to start practicing improving yourself by reading self help books, listening to inspirational podcasts, attending relationship and self improvement workshops, and doing mindfulness and meditation. Overtime, you begin to realize your own triggers and understand the reasons behind your actions. That self awareness helps you to communicate better with your next partner, building a relationship based on trust and mutual respect. Because of this effort, you are able to avoid past mistakes and create a healthier, more satisfying relationship.

Anyone has a capacity to change for the better as long as they learn their lessons and work on improving themselves. How about you? What’s your opinion on this? Do you think cheaters should be given a second chance?

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.

***

From The Good Men Project on Medium

What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean?

My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence

***

Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.

All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.

A $50 annual membership gives you an all access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.