Dear 60+ Men: Getting The Second Date

I think about all the really nice 60+ men I have met over the years while dating.

It was so healing for me to get, really get, that there was an abundance of good guys out there. Nice men, who want to love and be loved, who are available.

I think when men get older they do get nicer. Perhaps its because their testosterone levels are not so very high. Or because they have earned some wisdom from the hard things they experienced in their lifetimes. Or because they have become more truly themselves.

But sheesh. Nice men can be their worst enemies when it comes to dating.

Here is what I have observed:

They don’t think about their appearance and thus have a haphazard look.
They don’t feel comfortable flirting or showing what they bring to the proverbial relationship table.
They are a bit nervous and thus talk alot more than they listen. When they listen they are gearing up for their response and not really paying attention.
They don’t seem aware that the first date is an implicit interview- of them.
They disclose unflattering information about themselves in a misguided effort to ‘just be accepted for who they are’. Likewise they are very forthcoming that they often don’t have dating or relationship success and just haven’t met the right person yet.
They are quick to perceive rejection and give up quickly.

…

What would help:

Put a bit of attention into how they look and present themselves physically.
Show their date by the way the listen attentively, by what they choose to contribute verbally, that they are conscious and aware partner material.
Suspend their need to rush into responding in the conversation, and create a sense of spaciousness by pausing and asking an insightful question that shows they have been listening.
Use humor to make it comfortable to drop the expectations and ease into a nice connection.
Show confidence as they state their intentions for the future, whether its to keep communicating online, go on a second date, or keep moving.
Try to manage their fragile feelings by just noticing them and not reacting.

…

Oh and yes, the same refers to women as well!

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This post was previously published on medium.com.