How do you get the security you need?
You’re in a relationship and things aren’t going as well as you had hoped. For some reason, you find yourself walking on egg shells, pins and needles because you’re unsure of what will happen next.
How do you get the security, which you want and need, of a lasting, loving relationship?
Here are the three absolutely essential keys to feeling secure in your relationship:
Key 1: It starts with you.
Feeling insecure in a relationship often has very little to do with the relationship itself and a whole lot to do with you!
If you need your boyfriend to compliment you constantly, reinforce his attraction and explain why he chose to be with you instead of every other girl in the world, then you should consider yourself “insecure.”
Feeling insecure about who you are or what makes you special will cause fear and anxiety within your relationship. Because you see no worth or value in yourself, you automatically assume the relationship is at risk.
Feeling secure comes from within, and you cannot expect your boyfriend to make you change how you feel about yourself or your relationship.
Being secure in who you are, what you want, and what makes you special is how you will make your relationship grow stronger.
Key 2: It’s all about communication.
Do not assume your boyfriend can read your mind or even your body language. When your boyfriend fails to interpret your texts of “fine,” “hmph,” “whatever,” “kk” and “I guess,” it isn’t for lack of trying.
Communicate to him what you want, what you need and what you’re feeling so you can stay on the same page of your relationship.
Say what you mean and mean what you say. There will be no room for misunderstandings, misinterpretations and, of course, miscommunication.
Effective communication will allow you and your partner to know exactly how you both feel, what problems you are currently facing and how you should resolve them. This way, your relationship can continue moving forward.
Key 3: Trust is paramount.
Your boyfriend is not your ex. The past is the past; leave it there.
Trust takes time to build. Be patient and allow your trust to develop through your self-security, his self-security and your effective communication.
History will not repeat itself unless you allow it to. If you believe your trust has been lost or compromised in your current relationship and there is no room for it to build back, it may be time to end the relationship. When you and your boyfriend are on board with these essential relationship keys, you will find the security you need for your relationship to grow and develop.
by Selina Almodovar
About the author
Selina Almodovar. After a lifestyle of breakups & insecurity in my 20’s, I became a Relationship Expert and Coach to teach women how to discover themselves and their values. Fall in love with your life–check out my website, Well Said Living, to find out how!
This article originally appeared at Elite Daily. Reprinted with permission.
Photo credit: Nathan Congleton/flickr