Before we dive deep, I am not writing from the perspective of a boomer who is out of touch with reality.
Technology has advanced, and we can access our mini-computers 24/7. They have made the world more efficient.
Technology has made the world so efficient that 90% of tasks we used to complete in person can now be marked complete on our phones.
The side effect of this advancement is that it has now crept into your personal life.
The jokes we used to tell our friends in person have turned to sharing memes.
Sharing moments has turned into Instagram posts.
I participate, too. I don’t want to be a hypocrite here.
While this has crept into different realms of our lives, it has negatively affected romantic relationships.
We now think using technology is a form of communication.
At a base, that is true.
It hurts as it has become a primary method of building communication in romantic relationships.
That is a quick example of how texting has harmed relationships, but there are some real consequences I want to dig into in this article.
The translator
One thing that has changed in society is the freedom of opinion.
It’s great. We have the freedom to view something and have our perspective.
Our perceptions develop by our interpretation of what we see.
While that sounds fine, it is one of the issues that develops from texting.
Clients will send me a screenshot of a text they receive from a partner and ask me what I think it means.
I turn the question back to them and ask them their interpretation.
Sometimes, we are close in our frame of thinking, and sometimes, we find ourselves on polar opposite ends of the earth.
Imagine how text after text negatively affects your day-to-day interactions with your partner.
The time it takes to send and receive a text back somehow equates to our partner’s level of care.
Something you interpreted incorrectly can start a dispute.
Sending a lengthy text can come off as seemingly needy.
These are consequences of our interpretation of what someone is saying or doing.
Instead of calling to set up a time to speak in person, people send follow-up texts to gain clarity.
It’s all backward.
Texting is not communicating. If you’re ever frustrated with your partner in any of these scenarios, it’s time to ditch the phone.
The goal
Strong connections form when we are face-to-face interacting with others.
We can see reactions instead of interpreting them.
We can show the value of someone in our lives by the time we dedicate to spending with them.
Texting has removed that and become a means of forming connections for some people.
You cannot get to know someone over text.
I tell people religiously that texting is to get someone face-to-face when trying to build a romantic relationship.
Whether you have just started dating someone or are moving closer to exclusivity, you should refrain from texting back and forth all day.
The main reason is those moments you share when you listen to someone’s story or a moment where they are sharing a piece of themselves have now reduced to a text.
Sure, you can convey emotion over text, but it does not compare to the connection that forms when you are face-to-face with someone showing moments of vulnerability.
How often have you spoken to a friend and heard, “ I feel like they don’t care because when I texted them, I didn’t get a good response.”
That conversation would have a different outcome if it happened in person.
Don’t let texting ruin your sense of expression.
Hide and go seek
The last consequence of texting might be the most detrimental. In the same way texting can ruin your ability to feel like you can express yourself in your dynamic, it can also create a wall for you to hide behind.
Instead of having moments where we need to be vulnerable or show someone a feeling, we have a phone to hide behind.
Instead of looking someone in the eye and talking about something emotional, you can text.
Because you sent a text, you feel like you put in a reasonable amount of effort, and the ball is in the other person’s court now.
You “communicated.”
Right.
It has created a sense of accomplishment to where a person feels like they are being communicative and navigating their relationship correctly.
Kill that.
What it has created is a gap between you and developing a sturdy and effective method of communication in your dynamic.
We lose that sense of responsibility because we feel a text is transparent enough.
You will lose a true sense of connection if you don’t ditch this method of “communication.”
…
Put the phones down, and let’s get back to forming true connection.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: Kev Costello on Unsplash
