From texting till 3 a.m. to blocking each other on all platforms. The talking stage in a relationship is complicated and perhaps one of the most taxing stages of a relationship. This is the time when you talk to someone in hopes to get to know them and assess whether a relationship would work. In today’s dating world it’s a necessary stage for most relationships.
Although it’s just the talking stage, I of course always make the mistake of getting emotionally invested. I dream about what could be and my imagination runs wild, thinking about the fairytale relationship to follow. However, as most of us know, the talking stage doesn’t always lead to a relationship and often the ending is abrupt and harsh.
It’s often very difficult to let go of the connection I develop with the person I start talking to, even when things take a turn for the worst. But over the years I have managed to develop a process for myself that has let me deal with the talking stage break up like a pro. And here are my tips to overcome the dreaded break up that’s not really a break up:
1. Remember that it’s just talking
It’s often difficult to remind myself that the person I am talking to is just that, a person I am talking to. Although this is difficult for my brain to compute, I have realized that once I have done so, should a breakup occur it is far less dramatic and draining. By constantly reminding myself that I am merely talking to the person and we are not in any secure relationship I am able to keep a healthy distance between myself and the person, which ultimately keeps my emotions in check.
By constantly reminding oneself that a relationship hasn’t started, I find that it is easier to view interactions with the other person objectively. Red flags are easier to spot and the relationship develops naturally at an acceptable pace. This means that the talking stage becomes a useful time to self-introspect and seriously think about whether the person you are talking to is someone that you would like to date. When things do not work out I don’t take it personally if I have made a conscious effort to remind myself that we were just talking.
2. Mourn the end of the relationship
So this might be viewed as a contradiction of my previous point but hear me out. We form relationships with people we interact with and although there is no official romantic relationship with the person we are talking to, there is a connection. This connection may be so deep it forms a chemical addiction. This is why it is often difficult to get over the person we have been talking to for a while. It is difficult to know if and how one should grieve the end of the relationship.
The end of a talking stage for me has often been followed by a stage of grief. It is complicated though because the person I am grieving is not dead. I am left having to mourn the end of a connection I am likely to have cherished. I can no longer talk to the person and the person is essentially dead to me but potentially living their best life talking to someone else. Knowing this makes the grieving process particularly difficult but necessary.
I like to spend time in bed, binge-watching YouTube videos, and eating chocolate ice cream. This carries on for a day or two. For others, this mourning stage may involve other activities. The key is not to ignore the emotions, cry if you have to but make sure that after the mourning period you have the person out of your system.
3. Remember that there are plenty of fish in the sea
When I stop talking to someone I was romantically interested in, the world seems to stop. Probably comes down to the chemical addiction experienced as we begin to bond with the person. I am here to tell you that there are so many people interested in you even though when a talking stage ends it may not seem like it. But then, very few things are logical when it comes to dealing with matters of the heart.
It’s hard to see my romantic life after the end of a talking stage and I may convince myself that I will never find someone I connect with on the same level. At that moment this seems like a completely logical thought. However, in hindsight there are close to eight billion people in the world, it is therefore very unlikely that the end of a talking stage is the end of any future romantic interactions. There is plenty of fish in the sea!
The talking stage breakup is one that we have all experienced, probably more than once. But, because it is simply a talking stage not a lot of attention is given to the emotional roller-coaster ride that this stage entails. I hope that these talking stage breakup tips are useful and remind you that your feelings are valid! And, most importantly you are not the only one who goes through the turmoil associated with the end of a talking stage relationship.
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This post was previously published on Hello, Love.
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