3 Ways To Develop While Navigating Dating as a Newly Single Prospect

We have all been in these shoes before, either newly single or finding comfort in being on the market.

It can be a rocky road if you struggle to adjust to a lifestyle you’re not used to, and it can be frustrating to come up dry in your hunt.

The mistakes you make are not personal to you but shared amongst many in the singles community.

You were in a five-year relationship or even a marriage that fell apart, and now you have to start over and build a whole new life. I get it.

Navigating life as someone newly single is not as hard as you are making it. Mistakes you are making come from subconscious behavior. Your now recent past affects your ability to see the future.

You might be taking the proper steps to move on, but your execution could lead to your downfall.

Make your growth about you.

One mistake you are making is wanting to create inner growth, but you’re not pursuing the development for yourself.

Breakups hurt your perception of self-worth; you are often getting caught in rebuilding yourself instead of building yourself.

Your job is not to put the pieces back together; your job is to develop the version of you that always existed.
You are trying to subconsciously show the outside world and your ex that you are good enough or are worthy of love.
Set goals and aspirations that are at the core of your ambitions, and don’t make changes that give the perception of value.
You are scared to change your life because it requires changes in your routine, relationships, and values; however, these changes add to your growth, not subtract.

You feel lost when you are newly single. You were used to doing something daily with your partner, and now you navigate your free time alone. There is pressure not to feel lonely, so you rush into the dating scene or try your best to rebound to fill the void in your life.

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Focus on the things that make you happy and develop in those areas. You get focused on distraction rather than occupation. Filling your time with distractions that are not routine is fun, only for a little bit. When the fun wears off, you will feel emptier than you started.

Learn how to date yourself.

I know what you have seen all over the internet, “TakE YouR TiMe aNd Don’T JumP iNto AnotheR RelatIonshiP.”

Instead of adding anxiety to an already pressure-filled situation, learn how to date yourself.

One of the mistakes you make as you leave one relationship and enter the next is that you do not set boundaries for the next prospect.
You know the red flags that you ignored. Know your needs and understand how to communicate them, or be prepared to walk off when they’re not respected.
You’re not the same person you were five years ago. Discover new hobbies and interests you haven’t explored. Yes, that can sound cliche, but seek comfortability in being uncomfortable in new surroundings.

The hard part about moving on after a relationship isn’t changing from a duo to a solo act. It is that feeling of being stuck and isolated with your newfound free time. Single and alone are two different things.

You also have residual frustration and resentment that you have not let go away. That can change with an understanding of thoughts you must let go of and, again, cliche, time.

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Embrace your shortcomings.

You look back at your relationships with “if they didn’t” statements.

Do not beat yourself up, but you played a part in the downfall. Take time and be honest about the “I” in what went wrong.

It can be eye-opening to take time and learn about the core of relationships, such as your attachment style.
Pointing the finger will only lead to building resentment.
You must remember that your ex is a person too. You made mistakes, and they made mistakes. Unless you were in an abusive relationship, accept that it just didn’t mesh.

Again, breakups are not about starting over from scratch. It is a chance for a new beginning by equipping you with an advanced knowledge set.

You have to develop a growth mentality, or thoughts will weigh you down.

Use the lessons from your previous relationship, and do not repeat them.

Learn how to be a better communicator, ways to be more attentive and present, and learn the triggers that caused you to shut down.

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Conclusion

There is no magical recipe to recovering after a breakup and adjusting to life on the market again.

It’s tough.

You can’t read a single article, spring into action, and wake up with results tomorrow.

You can lift your head and leave this article with the epiphany that you control your future; you control your fate.

The person you are no longer in a relationship with has no control over you, and you must let go of the thoughts of the future that you let run through your mind.

You cant climb the mountain without taking the first steps. I am here to give you a little push in the right direction.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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