3 Yellow Flags to Look for While Pursuing a Romantic Interest

Put yourself in this scenario.

You are driving, and you are approaching a yellow light.

There are two decisions to make; put your foot on the gas to make it through the light or tap on the brakes and wait patiently.

Deciding on how you will approach yellow flags works the same way. It isn’t necessarily a deal breaker, but they shouldn’t go unnoticed.

Yellow flags are characteristics or traits that can have a positive outcome if someone is working on them or can have detrimental effects if they are not putting work towards them.

Let’s cover a couple of these flags and determine when it’s time to keep your foot on the pedal or hit the brakes.

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Accept me at my worst or you don’t deserve my best

You have heard this phrase a thousand times, whether someone has said it to you or you heard it in a cheesy rom-com.

It means that if you can not accept someone’s shortcomings, you don’t deserve the best version of their life either.

And this phrase is true to some degree.

The truth is this phrase has two sides to it.

Step on the pedal.

You can continue progressing with people who say this if they acknowledge parts of themselves they would like to work on building and are continuously working to self-improve.

You can also move forward if you see their vision for what they want to accomplish and there’s a plan in place to execute.

Slam the breaks

Some people love to use this phrase as a crutch.

They do not have to work on themselves, although they are fully aware of the issues in their personal life or relationship with you.

They will go as far as to gaslight you at a low level. They will make you feel guilty for expecting that they can do better.

As you can see, this phrase or dialogue can have different outcomes. When someone says you have to accept them for who they are, they’re right.

Who that person is working on becoming is the essential element of that phrase.

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Trust issues

Trust is earned and not given.

Trust can also be used as a weapon if you are not looking for it through the right lens.

We have all gone through events in our life when trust has taken evaluation.

There are two types of people when it comes to earning trust.

Step on the pedal.

When someone acknowledges that there are events in the past that hurt them and they need time to make sure they are vetting a new interest, keep them!

Other people have laid out their boundaries and, through communication, give you an avenue to earn their trust in a relationship. It is great when someone does this.

Slam the breaks

Contrary to what I just laid out, some people will weaponize trust, whether they are aware of it or not.

Because someone hurt them in the past, everything you do compares to what the previous person did, even if it is not near the degree to which the prior person did to them. Any hint of wrongdoing is as vilified as now “you’re just like my ex.”

It could be a new relationship, but instead of being seen through the lens of someone new entering their life, you now have to battle from a deficit to create a bond.

Trust takes time to build, but it is not someone else’s job to be a bandage over a wound someone else caused.

Be open and transparent about where you are in your healing as someone with trust issues.

If you are dating someone who communicates their needs and boundaries, build, learn, and grow with them. It is good when someone is working with you to resolve trauma.

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Has little to no record of a serious relationship

It is not easy to find a long-lasting relationship.

You find a person, connect, have an emotional connection, and genuinely like each other. That is not an easy recipe to concoct.

If you have had a relationship end, you know how difficult it can be to find a new partner.

I want to emphasize being sensitive as you read through this because there are various reasons why people do not have a long list of relationships they’ve had.

Step on the pedal.

Some people genuinely have not been able to find a deep connection with someone and hold off on committing to relationships.

We are not all in our 30s or 40s; some people are young enough and do not have that much experience.

You could also be dealing with someone who is working on themself and does not want to go into a relationship with unresolved growth points.

Slam the breaks

You know these people when you see them. They want to have fun and only want casual relationships.

Commitment issues prevent them from “adding labels,” which is a way to dodge their responsibility towards you while reaping all the benefits of being with you.

There are various reasons why someone may or may not have a long history of relationships. It is not your business to judge why, but you do have to right to analyze why. There’s a difference.

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Does the theory around yellow flags make more sense now?

It does not mean that it is a good or bad thing, but when these flags come up, take the time to observe what it means for your future with that person.

These are not dealbreakers but can become so if ignored.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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