Everything in your life is directly affected by the company you keep.
I’m sure you’ve been lied to, betrayed, or backstabbed by someone before. In these moments you were probably wondering why you’re so unlucky when it comes to your relationships.
It’s not that you’re unlucky. You just can’t read people. You’re not paying enough attention to the things that can actually reveal a person’s true character.
People reveal a lot of information about themselves without realizing it. You just have to know where to look and be there at the right time so you can observe their reactions and responses.
Here are four things that can reveal far more about a person’s character than hours of conversation ever would.
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#1. Their Reaction to Rhythm 0
In 1974, an experiment in the form of performance art took place in Naples, called Rhythm 0.
Serbian artist Marina Abramović stood still for six hours while the audience was invited to do to her whatever they wished, using one of 72 objects she had placed on a table — from a rose and a perfume to a pair of scissors and a gun.
The audience began tamely, but as time passed and they realized Marina stayed passive and defenseless, they became more and more aggressive.
Although that experiment is an extreme example of what humans can do when they seize absolute control, it shows that you should always pay attention to the way people behave when they are in control of a situation, or around helpless people.
How do they treat animals? How do they behave around kids and the elderly?
How do they react when they see homeless people? How do they talk to waiters, cashiers, or cleaners? How do they act when they meet shy, quiet, and socially awkward people?
Once you give a person power and control — or the illusion of these things—, their masks will fall. They’ll either show kindness and generosity, or cruelty and indecency.
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#2. The Ability to Separate the Person From the Argument
When in the middle of a disagreement with someone, some people have the bad habit of merging the person with the argument at hand.
Especially if they don’t have any proof to support their point of view or are about to lose the argument.
For example, the other day I was out for a coffee with my friend and some of her coworkers. The conversation turned ugly when my friend and a guy started arguing over their taste in music. My friend loves a particular artist and her co-worker was trying to convince her that the artist sucks.
Because personal taste isn’t something you can argue about, he quickly started personally attacking my friend, saying things like,
- “That’s just like you.”
- “You know nothing about art.”
- “Your taste will improve one day.”
That kind of behavior isn’t just rude; it shows the person behind those words is insecure, impatient, and lacks compassion.
That’s someone you would never want to hang out with twice.
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#3. The Way They Talk About People They’ll (Probably) Never See Again
You’ve heard before that how people talk about others can reveal a lot about their character to you. The things they say about people they’ll never see again, though?
That’s a real eye-opener.
Badmouthing a person you won’t see again is easy because you can never be caught talking behind their back. Gossip is easy when the possibility of any consequences is non-existent.
And of course, there’s always a chance a person praising someone you both know — and will be seeing again in the future — out of hope you’ll deliver the message to them.
On the other hand, someone who talks positively about people they know they’ll probably never see again shows great character, and as research shows, indicates they’re kind-hearted and emotionally stable.
In contrast, negative perceptions of others are linked to higher levels of narcissistic traits and antisocial behavior.
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#4. Their Choices in the Face of Disaster
Being under stress can give the biggest clues about who a person is and how they view the world.
There’s a quote by Robert McKee that goes,
“True character is revealed in the choices a human being makes under pressure — the greater the pressure, the deeper the revelation, the truer the choice to the character’s essential nature.”
If you want to get a glimpse into a person’s true character, pay attention to the way they react under pressure.
Stressful situations amplify our character and show our real morals and ethics. People’s self-preservation instincts kick in in situations like these; therefore, when we have to make a decision immediately, our instincts force us to make choices true to our nature.
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Putting It All Together…
The ability to read someone’s behavior and accurately gauge their character is an essential life skill that can help you find genuine people to trust and keep by your side.
If you want to learn more about a person’s true character, be observant and pay close attention to:
- How they behave when they are in control, especially towards people with less power.
- Whether they are able to separate an argument from the person they’re having a disagreement with.
- What they say about people they won’t see again.
- The choices they make in stressful situations.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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Photo credit: Jassir Jonis on Unsplash