Relationships that last seem to be a rare thing today.
Do you know why?
Surely, there are all sorts of reasons why relationships don’t go the distance. A wide range of relationship challenges for couples.
But, if we’re being honest, the biggest issue is that couples tend to make a mountain out of a molehill. Many of the common relationship problems that they face are minor and easy to resolve.
Let’s take a look at the following, for example.
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#1. When You Can’t Address the Elephant in the Room
Partners often find it difficult to openly talk about their feelings or needs with each other. You, too, might keep some things to yourself out of fear of being judged or misunderstood.
You might not know how to communicate your displeasure in a healthy way or avoid it out of fear of upsetting your significant other and instigating a fight.
The more problems and difficult situations you choose to ignore, the more distant you might notice yourself grow toward your partner.
Whether there’s a complete absence of communication or very poor communication, the end result is always the same: misunderstandings, frustration, and unmet needs.
Why this problem is easily solvable:
Most of the relationship challenges for couples can be easily solved through honest and judgment-free communication. Embracing your needs, sharing them with your partner, and listening with an open mind can make a huge difference to your relationship dynamic.
Here are some things that might help during the conversations with your partner:
- Think before you respond.
- Be clear about the things you want from your partner. Try to use phrases such as “I need”, “It’s important to me that”, or “I want you to”.
- The way you use words matters. It’s always best to focus on yourself and your feelings. For example, try saying “I feel this way” instead of “You make me feel this way”, or “I need” instead of “You don’t give me.”
- When you express your displeasure about something, avoid using absolute words such as “never”, “always”, or “all the time”.
Never assume your partner already knows what you want or need unless you have told them.
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#2. When The Relationship Takes a Back Seat
Have you ever felt so overwhelmed by life you could hardly focus your energy on your responsibilities, let alone on your relationship?
Well, no reason to feel bad about it — that’s something that has happened to the best of us.
Sometimes life gets in the way of your relationship’s happiness. Too many responsibilities, work and money stress, health issues, and before you know it, your relationship has taken the back seat.
Suddenly, all you can think about is how to deal with your issues and you have zero motivation to do romantic things with your partner. Naturally, your partner feels like you’re not present in the relationship, and thus, starts a cycle of dissatisfaction and frustration.
Why this problem is easily solvable:
Consistent communication, mutual respect, and compromise are the three key ingredients you need to overcome this common problem:
- Communicate your mental state, your priorities, and your needs at the time; make it a habit to have heart-to-heart conversations to express what you feel and why you might not be able to give your 100% in the relationship.
- Mutual respect means you treat each other in a thoughtful way. Your partner should respect the fact you might need some space to focus on other important responsibilities outside your relationship — for a while. But you should also be respectful of their feelings and do your best to put yourself back on track and re-prioritize your relationship.
- Compromise is everything. Your partner will need to compromise with the fact that you might feel too overwhelmed to fully support your relationship, but you’ll also need to make a fair deal in regards to spending quality couple time and assure them the relationship will take the front seat as soon as your mental state improves.
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#3. When You Let Money Cause Too Much Conflict
Finances are one of the most common issues that cause tension and conflict in a relationship.
You and your partner might have different financial resources, different views about the importance of money, or different spending habits.
During the first months of your relationship, you might pay attention to none of these things, but later on, and especially when you move in together, money can turn into a big relationship challenge.
Issues related to money can escalate quickly and, if you let them cause too much conflict, they have the potential to ruin a good relationship.
Why this problem is easily solvable:
If you and your partner are honest about your financial situation and do some financial planning right from the beginning, can go a long way toward avoiding unnecessary arguments.
Here’s how you can do that:
- Be honest about what you can and can’t afford and how much money you’re comfortable spending on dates.
- Be open about discussing savings.
- If you live together and decide to join finances, make sure you develop a basic budget.
- If one or both of you need to compromise about your spending habits make sure the compromises are fair to both of you.
- Have separate financial accounts from one another.
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#4. When You Struggle to Remain Emotionally Close
Once the honeymoon phase in your relationship is over, you, like most people, might find it difficult to remain emotionally close to your partner, especially if your lives are going in different directions.
It’s easy to get caught up in your own life and start taking your partner for granted. That’s a trap most people fall into without even realizing it.
You stop paying that much attention to your partner. Your romantic gestures become less and less. You only talk about work, finances, or kids, and you spend most of your time together staring at your phone.
That’s a sign you and your partner have stopped putting the necessary effort into your relationship, assuming it’s gonna last forever. The less time and emotional energy you spend on one another, the less emotionally close you’ll feel to each other.
Why this problem is easily solvable:
Relationships need rejuvenation from time to time to continue working. Making some minor changes in your relationship and trying to spend some intentional time re-discovering each other could re-ignite the spark you both felt in the past.
Effective communication is directly linked with intimacy. Talking openly with each other and discussing your expectations, complaints, and the way you want to approach your common future is a great start.
Make an effort to spend some quality time together every day — even if it’s for 15 minutes. Put regular date nights back in your schedule. Revisit your beginning. Go to a place you have great memories together. Try to show more affection to your partner by holding their hand or hugging them more often.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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