The dating apps make it easy for us to “scan” and choose only the best ones — at least, that’s what we see from their bio. But if it’s that easy, why are many people still being on it after years without any luck?
The “luck” here means settling down with someone that’s right for them. Not just for hookups or casual dating.
Is it the App that’s doomed, or it’s the expectations we have towards online dating too high? Well, it can be both. We can’t control how the App works for us, but we can always revisit our expectations and make necessary changes if you want a better result.
Nonetheless, many people fail to get the result they want in dating apps because of these four unrealistic expectations they have:
Just because you invest early doesn’t mean you’ll get the same return
When you’ve been single for long enough and found yourself falling in love again, it’ll be a no-brainer to invest your time and energy in the get-go. You’re so ready to devote everything to this person because you trust the strong “chemistry” you both have.
But guess what? That what’s going to break your heart — again.
Just because you like this new person so much, that doesn’t mean you should commit right away, and that doesn’t mean you should close the doors for everyone else. Yes, they do look perfect and have all the potential, but you need to find out first if they want the same thing as you do.
If you want commitment, do they want the same? So hold your horses and take things slowly. There’s no point in rushing it out because if he/she is right for you, then it’ll happen eventually.
Playing hard to get doesn’t work anymore
My friend once told me how he was sick of women playing hard to get on Bumble. If you don’t know how Bumble works, it lets the woman makes the first move before the man can send her a message.
And most times, the woman would just drop the “hi” and expect the man to make the conversation interesting. She doesn’t engage much, as if it’s his job to keep her interested.
Look, I understand this can be tricky sometimes, especially when you (the woman) have been dealing with creepy men in the past, but it’s also important to think that it’s both people’s job to make the conversation engaging and interesting as possible.
If you just sit there and say nothing more than one word but then complain that all men are boring, then you need to revisit your expectations.
I’m saying this for women specifically because, for some reason, society keeps telling us that guys should chase us, not the other way around.
But there’s a difference between chasing guys and actually making the same effort as he puts in. So if you truly like someone you just swept right at, don’t be afraid to be proactive too.
Not everyone will see your value and worth — and it’s OK
Once, I met a guy through Tinder who made me feel like shit. He didn’t care about what I did for a living or what’s I was passionate about. It’s obvious he wants nothing but casual sex.
I was pissed because I’d never been treated like that before. And as someone who values so much of my career life, of course, I felt offended. I was seeking something real, something beyond the “where you come from” type of encounter.
But then I learned the hard way that he didn’t owe me anything — not even his acknowledgment of who I really am as a person. And so are other guys I met online.
Sometimes when people don’t treat us the way we think we deserve, we blame them and ask for justice. But in online dating, where the options are endless, we need to remember that not everyone sees dating the same way as we do.
Most just want to have sex. And it’s OK. It’s just that we need to change our expectations, so we don’t get hurt.
No one owes you attention — even if you think you deserve it
If there’s one thing, I learned from using dating apps to find love is that you aren’t that special, even if they told you so.
Everyone who’s in the online dating pool will be lying if they stick around with one person the second they talk to them.
We’ve all been faced with too many options in front of us, and the thought of “there’s always something better if you keep looking” is not easy to ignore.
So there’s always a chance that you’ll get ghosted. Or they lost interest in you. Sometimes being ready for the worst things to happen can help you stay logical.
You no longer let your temporary feelings make destructive decisions.
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I’ve been too deep into this online dating topic now, and I’ve experienced myself that the best thing always happens when you least expect it. It sounds so cliche but true, especially when it comes to the dating apps.
You can never control how people you meet online will treat you, but you always have the power to set the boundaries in the beginning. Because if you don’t, then you’ll just jump from one bad experience to another.
It’s called the toxic loop of online dating. And I’m sure you don’t want to be part of it.
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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