Myke Macapinlac says that a bit of self-reflection before you dive in to your next relationship could save you a lot of time and heartache.
Just like most people, I’ve had my fair share of heartaches with dating in the past. Relationships come and go. But in my case, women never seem to want to stay long-term.
What made me look into this area of my life further was during a time when I had a streak of bad dates. I couldn’t seem to figure out what was going on.
My heart was crushed and my self-esteem was at an all time low. I had the Midas touch except it worked in reverse; everything I came in contact with turned to crap.
So what was I doing wrong?
As a single guy, finding someone worthwhile matters to me. Looking back now, the mistakes I made were very clear.
I dated women for all the wrong reasons.
A smart person learns from his mistakes. A wise person learns from the mistake of others.
Knowing what I know now, here are some questions that I would’ve asked myself before getting into a new relationship. If you’ve had “bad luck” in the past as well, I suggest you ask yourself these questions too.
Here they are.
4 Important Questions You Need to Ask Before Getting into a Relationship
What Are My Reasons For Dating?
Most people seek out security by being in a relationship. Do you know people who jump from one relationship to the other? I was definitely one of them.
Because I was afraid to be alone. The hardest conversation you’ll ever have is the one with yourself in silence. I definitely was running away from it.
Relationships shouldn’t be a temporary fix for deeper rooted issues. If you come from a place of lack, you’ll always feel needy and insecure.
You can’t look for validation and acceptance anywhere but from yourself. You should be able to enjoy your own company and value your own opinion.
The best place to be in a relationship is when you don’t need to be in one.
Am I Able to Show Up as My Authentic Self?
The mistake that most people commit when they get into a relationship is they try and change the other person. That’s like buying a pair of shoes that are either too big or too small. Sure you can make it work but it won’t be comfortable. It’s just not a good fit to begin with.
The solution to this issue is really simple; just find someone who wants the same things you do.
How do you do that?
First of all, get clarity on what it is you really want from a relationship. Make a list of things that are important to you. What are things that are just non-negotiable to you?
Use that to qualify the people you’re going on dates with from the very beginning. You’ll gain more respect from others if you’re willing to live up to your values no matter what.
Can I make my partner’s life better?
When you focus on giving, you’ll always feel happy. By making your partner’s life better, the relationship becomes a very positive experience for the both of you.
Naturally, the person you’re with will do the same. That’s how the law of reciprocity works. Dating should be about adding value to each other’s life and well-being.
The reason why most people don’t get what they want is because that’s what they focus on. Don’t get caught up in “fixing” the relationship. Instead, think of ways to become a better person for your partner.
Everyone is good at something. Recognize what that is and share your gift with who you’re with.
What are My Expectations from this Relationship?
Do me a quick favour. Think about the last argument you were involved with. I bet you anything it started off with statements that sounded like these:
“But I thought that …”
“I just assumed if…”
“I didn’t know that…”
If you’re nodding your head, you just discovered why most relationships fail. It’s because of miscommunication.
Never make the mistake of assuming what your partner thinks. If you’re not sure, it’s really as simple as asking.
Be proactive about your happiness by communicating your needs and wants. Allow the other person to do the same as well.
Clear the path before moving forward with your relationships. This will save you a lot of time and energy from unnecessary arguments.
You can see more of Myke’s writing at SocialConfidenceMastery.com
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