I know you’re terrified of losing them forever.
It’s scary to watch a relationship slip through your fingers bit by bit, but what if I told you that letting go is the only smart way to get it back?
People don’t stick around because you make them stay. The heart wants what it wants, so the only reason they stay is because they WANT to, not because you convinced them to.
There’s no actual way to persuade a person to stay with you. But there are simple things you can try that might make them want you back.
DON’T beg or plead:
What do people do when they feel stressed and pressurized? They back away further.
Begging puts more tension and pressure on a relationship that’s already strained. People tend to run away from situations that make them feel stressed or negative, so stop bombarding them with calls.
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What you should do instead:
1.Immediately after the breakup, contact them less frequently. Time is needed for both of you to process your relationship problems, as well as to simmer down from the overwhelming emotions.
When you had taken some time apart, here are 4 strategies you can use to get your ex back:
1.Minimize negative emotions surrounding the breakup, create a calm and safe space to talk about the relationship.
It’s instinctive for people to avoid situations that make them feel stressed or negative. Even if your ex was the one who called for the breakup, don’t accuse them of hurting you. Blaming or telling them how much pain they’ve caused just increases their guilt and sadness. This makes it difficult to start a conversation with them.
Instead, try to create a safe space for discussing your relationship problems. Be objective and open-minded to what they have to say. Show that you’re willing to listen and don’t raise your voice.
2.Evaluate the relationship together and show empathy to your ex, ask them how you can improve yourself
It’s time to reflect on the relationship together. If they talk about the mistakes you’ve made, show that you understand their viewpoints and validate their feelings.
Acknowledge the pain you’ve caused and apologize if necessary. The more you show empathy to their side of the story, the more positive they feel towards reconciliation.
A good question to ask them is:
“If we could do it all over again, what would you want me to do differently?”
It shows that you are willing to put more effort into your relationship to make it strong and long-lasting.
3.Show that you respect their decision and that you’re okay if they don’t want to come back yet
Don’t be pushy and give them time to consider. This might go strongly against your intuition, but trust that it will work.
Firstly, showing you’re okay without them alleviates the pressure and distress between you two. Secondly, when they have more time to sit on their decision, they might start to wonder what they’re missing out on.
Do not text them so frequently and try to go on about your daily life as usual. When they have a clearer head space and more time on their hands, they might grow curious about your new life without them. There’s a chance they might even start missing you.
4.Don’t rush into winning them back. Slowly build up the trust and bond again.
When they have expressed their desire to reconcile, don’t get too impatient and rush into winning them back. Take things slowly.
A broken relationship needs time to heal. Treat it delicately and carefully, as if this is a whole new relationship again. Text them more frequently, but not all the time. Go on dates again but don’t cling to them 24/7. Respect the time required to build a bond again. Also, try to show them that you’re a different person this time around.
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Final words:
There are relationships that are precious and worth fighting for. However, it’s never worth losing your self-respect and dignity in the process.
Remember that you don’t have control over many things that happen in life, including someone leaving you. Take a deep breath and don’t obsess over uncertainties.
True Story: I’ve known a couple who broke up and got back together 5 years later. They realized that they were meant for each other after dating other people. So don’t lose hope because you never know what will happen in the future!
Oftentimes, there’s a better chance for reconciliation if you just let it happen, instead of making it happen. Good luck and stay strong.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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