Relationships are like a fancy recipe—a dash of chemistry, communication, and luck. When mixed together with trust and respect, makes something beautiful.
But sometimes even with the right ingredients, it still ends up burnt. Why? Because we the star chefs might be adding a secret pinch of toxicity.
Sometimes, your partner isn’t the problem—YOU ARE! So how could you possibly know? Well, I’ll tell ya.
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You Need An Emotional Crutch
4 years ago, I got into a very painful breakup and I immediately started dating a girl I really thought I liked after it. I was using her as a rebound and the thought of her leaving me was unbearable. The relationship went on for a couple months and it was so toxic before it ended. I really messed up, and it’s one of the things I regret to this day.
We both got nothing out of it.
If the thought of you being single sends shivers down your spine, and you are using your partner as a rebound to keep it at bay, then your entire relationship is built on emotional dependence—not love.
You Are A Coconut Crab
Coconut crabs are large hermit crabs who find a perfect shell and refuse to ever leave it. You don’t want to have the “coconut crab mindset” in your relationship.
Don’t hold on to your partner so tightly, that you’re crushing their individuality.
You have to give your partner room to breathe, to grow, and to be their own quirky loving self. If you hold on too tightly, you’re only pushing them away.
A healthy relationship thrives on love and space, not suffocation.
You Need External Validation
Is your Instagram feed full to the brim with your relationship, complete with matching bathrobes and mushy captions?
Look, I have nothing against you wanting to celebrate your relationship or wanting the whole world to know you’ve found the perfect person but there should be a limit.
Too much of everything is literally poison.
A real relationship doesn’t need the validation of likes and comments. Besides, the best moments are those captured only in our hearts. Put down your cameras, pick up your partner, and create memories that live only in your hearts that don’t need filters.
You Are Always Missing in Action
Are you the master of disappearing acts? One moment you’re present, and the next, poof!— You’re gone. I have nothing against it if you are Batman, but if you are like that in your relationship, that’s the problem right there.
Batman shouldn’t even be in a relationship anyway.
Stop skipping dates, forgetting birthdays, and failing to attend dinners with their dad or mom. Remember, love requires effort, and just showing up and listening goes a long way.
So ditch the vanishing acts, be present, and be the partner you’d want to have. If you can’t date yourself, why should anyone date you?
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There you have it! Four signs that you might just be the hidden plot twist in your own relationship. But don’t panic if you or your partner relates to one or more of these signs. Recognizing these patterns and communicating is the first step at solving the problem.
If it still doesn’t work out in the end, that’s fine too. There’s always ice cream and rom-coms. They are not a long term fix, but they’ll likely help get you through the heartache.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: Olena Bohovyk on Unspalash
