4 Subtle Traits of Highly Annoying Girlfriends

Annoying girls will never experience the happiness of a nice relationship.

Here’s why: men run from annoying women as fast as they can. The right partner can make your life great, but the opposite is also true. The wrong partner can turn your life into a nightmare.

Annoying girlfriends don’t realize how much they lose.

To make it worse, annoying girlfriends don’t even know they’re annoying. Nobody chooses to be annoying; it just happens. You may think you’re a caring girlfriend when, in reality, you’re just annoying.

So maybe the reason you can’t find a relationship because you’re annoying (and you didn’t know).

It’s time this stops.

If you struggle to find or maintain a relationship, all you have to do is have an honest look at yourself. And I’m here to help. It’s time you change your actions to finally get the relationship you deserve.

Here are the attitudes that (potentially) make you an annoying girlfriend:

1. You complain about small details.

Annoying girlfriends find reasons to complain (and when they can’t find a reason, they create one). They complain about how their boyfriend dresses, his jokes, or the place they go on a date.

The complaints are endless.

You may say, “I have high standards,” and that’s great. You should never settle for less than you deserve. But there’s a balance between having standards and being impossible to please.

These complaints make you annoying because you don’t appreciate your boyfriend’s efforts.

Imagine he makes a special date for you. He gets flowers, prepares a meal, and makes a romantic playlist. After all this effort, you complain because you wanted to eat pasta, not risotto.

Yes, details matter. But complaints make you a difficult person to be around.

What to do:

If you catch yourself complaining too often, you may be an annoying girlfriend. Here’s the step-by-step to change that:

Notice the need to complain.
Understand why it bothers you. If your first reaction is to complain, you probably didn’t reflect on it enough. Chances are there’s a deeper problem bothering you. And if you don’t know why something bothers you, you can’t fix it.
Put yourself in your partner’s shoes. How would you react if he had the same complaint as you? Would you feel underappreciated? Thinking of someone else can give you a new perspective.

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2. You jump to conclusions.

Great couples are masters of communication.

Annoying girlfriends don’t care about communication. They take incomplete pieces of the puzzle and think they have the full picture (they obviously don’t). So they create insane stories in their mind.

Real-life is not like that. Every situation has a hundred unique perspectives. And your perspective isn’t necessarily right.

Imagine you see a random text on your boyfriend’s phone and assume he’s cheating. Maybe it was his friends inviting him to game. Maybe it’s his mother. Maybe it’s a coworker. Or maybe it’s not even a text.

The text itself doesn’t matter; you already decided he’s cheating. You only see your version of the story.

Whenever you jump to conclusions, you’re probably wrong.

What to do:

Your conclusions are a reflection of your insecurities.

If you think he’s cheating, you’re probably not confident enough. You either don’t think you’re a great girlfriend, or you don’t believe you’re strong enough to overcome the breakup, in case you’re right.

All you have to do is increase your confidence.

Go to therapy.
Read self-help books.
Talk to a friend to have an impartial opinion.
Do things that make you better: learn a new skill, buy makeup or exercise.

Great relationships prioritize communication.

Before you jump to conclusions, speak to your boyfriend. But you have to be ready to listen to his side of the story (and you might not like it).

3. You demand explanations too early.

Want to make a guy lose interest overnight? Have crazy demands before you’re official.

Great girlfriends know how to read the room (and act accordingly).

Demands are a natural part of relationships. When you commit to someone, you become a team. But you have to know the right time to make these demands.

If you just met a guy, you can’t demand to be exclusive. If you only went on a couple of dates, you can’t demand to meet his family. If you just started a relationship, you can’t expect to talk about children.

These demands are valid in the right timeframe.

But when you demand things too early, you come across as desperate (and annoying). All you will achieve is to drive him away as fast as the speed of light.

Nobody likes demands, especially if they’re out of place.

What to do:

You should have high standards for your love life. But that doesn’t mean you can pressure your boyfriend to move forward when he’s not ready.

Demands are only out of place when you’re not on the same page. If you want to know if your demand is valid, watch where he stands.

Does he talk about the future?
Does he introduce you to his friends?
Does he make efforts to include you in his routine?
Does he speak about his intentions with this relationship?
Does he care about minor things, like opening the door for you?

When you know his expectations, you’ll feel more confident to voice yours. This way, your demands will be well-received (and you won’t be annoying).

4. You only think of finding love.

“Go after what you want” sounds beautiful in theory. It might even work well in business. But it doesn’t work with relationships.

When your priority is to find love, you’re doing it wrong.

Here’s why: you can’t control love. You’ll spend time, money, and energy going on dates and meeting new people. And yet, you can’t “go after what you want” with love because, no matter what you do, nothing guarantees your success.

Your efforts don’t matter; you don’t control love.

But you still want to find love. And you want to feel like your efforts are worth it. So what do you do? You settle.

If your priority is to find love, you risk settling for the wrong people. You’ll feel frustrated after looking for so long, so you’ll lower your standards. Except love is yes or no. If you settle for the wrong person, you’ll stop looking for the right person.

You’ll become an annoying girlfriend not because you’re annoying but because you’re with the wrong partner (and that makes all the difference).

What to do:

Your priority shouldn’t be to find love; it should be to meet people.

When you meet a person, it’s normal to feel overwhelmed (especially if you have a crush on them). So you wonder, “will I impress them?” You put all your efforts into pleasing the other.

But you can’t forget to please yourself.

You have to learn if that person is a good match for you, not if you’re a good match for them.

When you go on a date, don’ think, “I’m here to find love.” Instead, think, “I just want to get to know this person.” This way, you feel less pressure and focus on learning if that’s the right person.

…

Everybody deserves to experience true love. But it’s hard to admit that what stops you from achieving your dream is yourself.

Nobody likes to learn they’re an annoying girlfriend. But you have two options: to ignore the situation or fix the problem. Guess which one will make you happier?

Working on yourself is uncomfortable, but it pays off. When you change these behaviors, you’ll watch your love life change as well. At the end of your journey, you get what you wanted all along: a healthy relationship.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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