Do you remember the good old days when a man did not have to show confidence and stability to make it in the dating market?
Exactly.
Those days never existed.
We live in a time where it has become more challenging because the parameters have changed. For some men, it can feel like you’re playing an unfair game.
You feel like you have to have a six-figure salary, go to therapy seven times a week, be six-foot-three, and excessively go to the gym.
The truth is these are not the parameters you need to have success.
Sure, there will be women who weed you out for outrageous standards, but most women are looking for a guy who provides security, and part of showing that is being secure within yourself.
So, how do you accomplish that?
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Your standards are a reflection of your life
The first step is straightforward; you change the standards for what you allow into your life.
So what does that mean?
You know what it means, but you have to admit what that means to you. Your standards need to revolve around your health; mental, spiritual, and physical.
- Mental- You cannot allow anything to disturb your mental health. End relationships that no longer serve you, distance yourself from stressful tasks in your life, and always search for strategies for self-improvement.
- Physical- You do not have to be a bodybuilder, but you do have to be in shape. Have health goals centered around a better lifestyle, not a magazine cover.
- Spiritual- You do not have to be religious to be spiritual. You do not have to believe in anything to be spiritual. It means living through your inner being. Learn about yourself daily and believe in yourself.
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Be able to walk away
Women will test you whether it is subconsciously or on purpose. You have to pass the test and always be willing to walk away.
It goes back to the previous section, but what you allow in your life will always persist until you make the proper changes.
Have you ever heard one of your male friends talk about a relationship or dating issue? Do you notice that they always talk about issues from a pro-woman perspective?
“What can I do so she..?”
“Maybe she will give me a chance if I…”
Any relationship that leaves you questioning yourself is one that you should walk away from immediately. I do not care if it is date one, the honeymoon phase, or your first anniversary. Walk away.
It is not a display of bitterness; it is a display of value. You should know your worth, and anyone that has you questioning your worth has no place in your life.
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Always have a plan even when you don’t
You walk around as if everyone has it figured out but you. The truth is some people have a better plan B and C than you, and there is nothing more to it.
For every plan, you have to have a plan for failure to execute your first plan. Sometimes you will not have a plan, but you need an attitude that you can figure out.
It sounds pretty simple, but the part that people skip over is the execution of their plan.
For example, everyone wants a side hustle, but get real; most people are all talk. They might want to be a top writer on Medium, but are they taking writing courses, joining writing forums, and doing peer reviews? No plan B or C once they do not execute plan A.
Any idea in your head is on google or YouTube; in terms of execution, get started. Show that you are a go-getter; it will give people the confidence that you will find the answer.
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Always have control
Have you ever lost control of your emotions? You made a mistake and did something out of character, right?
Control your emotions and do not let them get the best of you.
Our last point combines the themes of every section above; do not have low standards, be able to walk away, and always have an exit plan.
When you have control in these spaces of your life, you cannot lose. These are the segments of your life that you have control over.
You do not have control over your emotions because you are not doing what you want. You are thinking about what you stand to lose if you do not give in and what the results are: anger, frustration, sadness, etc.
Stop thinking about what you stand to lose in every situation and think about what the issue stands to lose when it does not have your attention.
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I want every man out there to know you have the power and control over your confidence and security in your life.
It is not a flashy display that gets attention. The truth is if you are faking it, most women can see through you.
You have to make lifestyle changes to build yourself up. Confidence is not inherited, and you create security.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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Photo credit: Jonathan Borba on Unsplash