I was an insecure man. I was an unhappy and depressed person. In this story, I highlight an insecure man’s key traits, my actions that gave my insecurities away and how I improved myself to become a genuinely happy person. A great learning experience has been reading and understanding the books by Corey Wayne. Discussing the influence of those books would need a story of its own, but the following quote is very relevant.
When people do not feel worthy of the love, attention and affection of their romantic interest, they try to force things to avoid what they fear most from happening — rejection. Trying to force or interject yourself, or your presence where it has not been invited causes the other person to feel like they are losing their freedom. This leads to a predictable and inevitable rejection. Love is about two people sharing their completeness, not completing one another. Two people who love, value and respect themselves allow the other person to mutually chose them when that doesn’t happen — a happy, secure person would instead seek out someone new who does share a mutual interest and makes a joint effort. — Corey Wayne.
1. You think she is out of your league.
Every woman I had been with, I perceived them to be out of my league. On some level, I always thought that I was never worthy of them. I did not value myself. I was an unhappy person, so I went for anyone who made me happy. When I realised their substantial influence in my life, I put them on a pedestal. Outcome — they lost interest in me and parted ways.
2. You don’t like it when other guys come onto your partner.
I never liked it when my former partners’ male friends came on to them. Some of the women also tested me by only joking that they had made a new male friend. I failed that test each time, and their attraction for me withered as a consequence. A secure and confident man knows that he is the best man for his woman. It is the insecure kind who get jealous because they don’t trust their partners. Not because their partners could cheat (though that can happen), but because they believe that the male friend (or any other man) has more to offer than them.
3. You think your partner is playing games.
When an insecure man sends a text, he checks his phone every minute. He thinks — why has she not replied? What is she doing? Is she out with another man? Is she trying to ignore me? Is she winding me up?
Before you know, you send her a couple more texts. When she eventually reads them, she thinks — what is the matter with this guy?
People who think their partners are playing games are generally playing games in their head. Why did she not reply to your text? Could be any one of the million reasons, it doesn’t have to mean that she is getting it on with someone else.
4. You question how much your partner loves you.
I would often ask my partners; do you love me? Why? How much?
Why did I do this? — because I did not believe they loved me. I needed constant reassurance. I did not ask because my partners were not affectionate, but I never thought I was worthy of their love.
5. You want to be the centre of her attention.
It’s only natural, you put her on a pedestal, and hence, you expect her to do the same. We all have families, friends, work etc. But you set everything aside for her, and you expect her to do the same. When she fails to live upto your high expectations, you feel disappointed and ask the question — does she love me? Your insecurity deepens and eventually, you drive her away.
All the above characteristics have a core reason — you don’t think you are good enough; it’s all about your low self-esteem. I was acting as a beta-male. I had no goals in life, and I just made my partner(s) the focus of my life.
If you would like to meet ‘the one’, you will have to become a male who is worthy of the person you desire. If you are an insecure man, then my suggestion is to work on yourself. Hit the gym, eat clean and work hard to improve your financial situation. Do whatever it takes to improve your worth in your own eyes. The insecure version of myself showed me that I needed to become a man and get a life. Today, I have a doctorate, a full-time job, a business, and many side hustles. I have focused on improving myself. I like this version of me, and I am happy, confident and ready to meet the woman who appreciates what I have to offer.
Previously published on medium
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