5 Characteristics Quality Men Aren’t Afraid to Possess

It’s no secret that in relationships, women usually have more to offer than men. Males take pride in providing, while women can do that AND run a household, look after children, and make sure we look our best — like the gentleman in the above picture.

I’ve talked to several of my female counterparts about where they stand when it comes to dating; as someone who’s only twenty-eight, I find myself surrounded by women who are hesitant to get involved with men for a plethora of reasons, chief of them being a shortage of quality candidates. The offerings are slimmer than the toilet paper options when Covid first spread throughout the country (thank God that’s over).

How do we, as men, help women look in the right direction when searching for love with QUALITY men? It’s often said that you can’t have your cake and eat it to with love, that you have to be willing to give something up. While this is true, it doesn’t mean it HAS to be the case; I personally don’t want to solely stare at cake, having just celebrated a birthday.

Helping these women starts with pointing them in the direction of the right type of men, men who have:

1) Supreme emotional intelligence

In his book, “Emotional Intelligence,” Daniel Goleman, a prominent psychologist, defines emotional intelligence as a person’s ability to manage their feelings so that those feelings are expressed appropriately and effectively. There are five elements comprising emotional intelligence:

Self-awareness: conscious knowledge of your own character, feelings, motives, and desires
Self-regulation: the ability for a person to regulate his/herself without intervention from outside forces
Motivation: reasons a person has for acting in a particular manner. In this regard, the motivation should be positive.
Empathy: the ability to understand and share the feelings of others
Social skills: how well an individual can socialize with others

Without a grip on these five core tenants of emotional intelligence, no man can fully begin to understand a woman, let alone comprehend what it’s like to walk in her shoes. Women crave to be understood; it’s part of what helps them establish a genuine connection. Quality men aren’t afraid to do the heavy lifting when it comes to emotional intelligence to accomplish this.

2) Superb communication skills

Each year that passes, I get closer to 30 (and more freaked out). As a result, I, like most people, am no stranger to receiving calls from debt collectors regarding bills that have mistakenly gone past due. If you’re not out of college reading this, enjoy your freedom from them while it lasts.

One of my least favorite things about these calls is how ambiguous the message usually is — “This is a call from a debt collector. Any information provided will be used to collect that debt.”

God forbid you make the mistake of picking up the call. Then the ambiguous communication becomes even more vague. They never state their name or who they’re calling on behalf of without first confirming who they’re talking to.

It gets even worse on LinkedIn. I’ve worked for some noteworthy companies such as Amazon, Staples, and Target, all in management or account executive roles. At 24, I was in charge of approximately four hundred people for Amazon while opening the first delivery station for the company in Central Illinois.

Feats like these are why I find myself bombarded with LinkedIn recruiter “inmails” (the private messages recruiters send without being connected to you) from time to time. Very rarely do I respond because of how generic they are. I don’t want to be sent an automated, robotic message. Put some thought into it with your own words if you want to reach me.

What’s my point???

The more information provided, the better respondents feel. And when it comes to relationships, you want your significant to feel as good as possible.

If that’s the case, then you need to learn not only how to communicate effectively, but in a way that is easily and readily received by your partner. Quality men understand this and implement it consistently. They’re like the organized coworker you hate because you secretly envy their ability to live a clutter-free lifestyle.

Jason Goodman via Unsplash

3) Tremendous vulnerability

If I had a dollar for every female colleague who came to me disgruntled because their significant other wasn’t open enough — with emphasis on the word enough — I wouldn’t have to write for Medium in an attempt to make a living.

Women don’t want their men to be vulnerable because they’re being nosy or trying to pry. They simply care to that degree. Like the John Mayer song Daughters says, “girls become lovers that turn into mothers.” Just because most of them don’t have children when they meet us doesn’t mean those maternal skills aren’t already developing.

That’s not my way of saying we’re practice for them. It merely means that if they love someone, they want to nurture them. Wise men understand this and appreciate their desire to usher in vulnerability. It’s a unique form of intimacy that allows you to become incredibly close to another person in a form that doesn’t require sex.

Vulnerability, especially from a man, can be considered the rawest form of honesty yet. It exhibits a respectable level of selflessness toward the person you’re being vulnerable with. We all know it isn’t comfortable being vulnerable; that’s why it goes hand-in-hand with confidence. Besides, females usually reward their partners for opening up. Who doesn’t want that?

4) Passion

When most men think of the word passionate, they immediately think of sex. While that’s an important place to show passion, it’s not the only one. It is a good place to consider starting, but not the only one.

Passion is caused by strong feelings or a strong belief. With this in mind, where else would it make sense to exhibit passion? In short, with life in general! Women love men who have zeal and zest for being alive. Life isn’t always easy or enjoyable, but that doesn’t take away from the necessity for passion. Besides, it can rub off on your partner.

What do you care about? What gets you out of bed in the morning? What are your hobbies and interests? These are things they care and want to learn more about. And no, sports don’t really count. Life is more than beer and football…

5) An effeminate nature

When it comes to men, the word effeminate means exhibiting characteristics that are typical of a woman. These are the men that are looked at as unmanly by their peers. This makes no sense to me personally.

We all have a feminine side. After all, it takes BOTH a man and a woman to make all of us. I tell all of my friends I’m a proud Mama’s boy; my father’s role in my creation took all of thirty seconds tops. My mother’s took roughly nine months. So why would I be ashamed to showcase qualities that I inherited from her???

Also, it’s worth noting that straight women have an affinity for spending time with homosexual males because of the way they treat them. They don’t ogle them, there’s no catcalling, and everything isn’t about sex. They can have quality conversations and hang out without feeling uncomfortable or unsafe.

As a straight male, I had to learn this lesson myself from my homosexual friends. Women want to have fun, true. But they also 1) want to feel safe and 2) want to feel valued.

An easy way to make this happen? Show them your effeminate side. Another term for this — your sensitive side. For example, when was the last time you appreciated Mother Nature in all her magnanimous glory? Wrote a poem? Ordered a chai tea latte with two pumps of espresso, or wore a floral print t-shirt during the warmer seasons?

Final Thoughts

It’s not hard to showcase to women that you’re a quality man. Most of us rely on Hollywood to figure out what they like. If it isn’t that, we glean our insights from other men who struggle to captivate the types of women they truly desire — or from other sources that make no sense. I compiled this list after going straight to the source — women.

Like I mentioned earlier, instead of making everything about dating or sex, I sought out comradery and friendship. The end result is a slew of relationships with women my male counterparts would salivate over having an opportunity just to get to know.

If you want to be perceived as a rare, highly sought after male, start with this list and watch what happens. I promise you won’t be prepared for the results.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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