“The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it.”―J. M. Barrie
A man had been hit by a bus. He’d “bullseyed” the windscreen with his head in the middle of a busy road during rush hour.
I was there as a police officer and admit I had no idea what to do. Doctors and paramedics were working on the patient, cars were everywhere, people were shouting, and a guy with his head busted open was lying on the floor.
Everyone was running around like headless chickens.
There’s a secret to police work that applies to life in general. You don’t always have to know what you’re doing. You have to look as if you do.
Like the swan who looks majestic on the water while his legs are going like the clappers underneath.
This is the power of confidence. Confident people are admired for navigating challenges, communicating effectively, and achieving goals.
It’s the comforting knowledge that no matter what happens, you’ll be ok.
So what makes someone confident?
. . .
1. Acceptance without judgment.
“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.”―Theodore Roosevelt
Confident people understand themselves at a deep level. They are in tune with their strengths, weaknesses, and limitations.
Confidence isn’t about denying your weaknesses but accepting them without any judgment on your character. It’s about not being afraid to acknowledge areas that need improvement.
Such acute self-awareness allows you to set realistic goals and work with conviction. You don’t need external validation.
This is something I have always struggled with. While I understand my strengths and weaknesses, I take my weaknesses personally.
. . .
2. Character is forged in adversity.
1. “Life doesn’t get easier or more forgiving, we get stronger and more resilient.”
― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free
Confident people don’t shy away from challenges. The worst that can happen is that they fail and view such setbacks as opportunities for growth and learning.
This attitude enables resilience when confronted with adversity; failure is nothing personal.
If you’re confident, you can bounce back from setbacks with determination to use those failures as stepping stones toward eventual success.
If you can handle setbacks gracefully, then you have unwavering confidence.
My resilience was tested when I lost my job as a police officer due to PTSD. I spent years not knowing what to do with myself or how to cope with my loss of identity.
I bounced back, found a love for writing, and became a 6 figure Trader and Investor.
I failed at the thing that defined my life, but I came back to try something new.
. . .
3. How well can you handle criticism?
Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind. — Rudyard Kipling
Confident people are skilled communicators. They benefit from expressing themselves clearly but are also excellent listeners. They have mastered the art of “active listening.”
You need to be able to articulate your thoughts with confidence both in private and in a professional setting.
You have to be able to take feedback and criticism to grow and improve.
By navigating social situations, you build respect and healthy relationships.
I’m open to criticism, depending on who provides it. If a top website or publisher rejects my writing without explanation or the standard email, I’m ok with it.
I’m joyful and thankful if the same people offer me constructive feedback.
However, if I get rejected by someone who hardly ever writes themselves and their tiny amount of previous work has flopped, yet they have somehow shouldered their way into a position of power, I take it very badly.
I’m talking “lying in bed at night seething about it” badly.
This is the character flaw that I’m working on.
. . .
4. Action and calculated risks are the cheat codes.
“Nothing is more difficult, and therefore more precious, than to be able to decide.”– Napoleon Bonaparte
Confident people take charge of their lives and make decisions without spending too much time hesitating or doubting themselves.
They trust their judgment and aren’t scared of taking calculated risks with big payoffs.
You must stop being indecisive and overanalyzing every little detail of a situation. Instead, take action and learn from the results. This means you face challenges head-on and make progress toward your goals.
As I said before, in the police, I always had to look like I knew what I was doing. The one running toward danger while everyone else is running away and pretending not to be scared out of my mind.
The one telling people twice my age what to do.
People gravitate to those who seem calm in the eye of the storm.
. . .
5. You need to fall in love with learning.
1. “There is no end to education. It is not that you read a book, pass an examination, and finish with education. The whole of life, from the moment you are born to the moment you die, is a process of learning.” — Jiddu Krishnamurti
You need a growth mindset so you can embrace continuous learning. No matter how smart you are, you don’t have all the answers, so be open to new knowledge and skills.
Spend your life seeking opportunities to improve yourself. These typically come in the way of challenges.
Step out of your comfort zone — it’s where dreams go to die. Now you can embrace new experiences and expand your horizons.
I hated learning in school, but I’ve loved it ever since. My mission is to improve my writing. It’s a never-ending journey of learning, especially about myself.
Unfortunately, writing attracts some of the most arrogant people on earth. Many beginners already believe they are JK Rowling (or better), and if they don’t see results from spewing their life stories onto a page, they give up and move on because the rest of us don’t “get” them.
. . .
Be the swan.
“Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit”―E. E. Cummings
To be “confident” encompasses self-awareness, resilience, good communication skills, a growth mindset, authenticity, and humility.
So many traits go into that one description.
By cultivating these traits, one by one, you can become self-assured and live a more fulfilling and successful life.
It all starts with self-understanding. Be the person that looks adversity dead in the eye. Lead from the front, and if you don’t know what you’re doing, think of the swan.
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This post was previously published on Publishous.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
 White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism |
 Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box |
 The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer |
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