5 Dating Tips I Desperately Want Single People To Know

2021 is ending in two days. How’s your love life so far?

If you’ve found the right person to be in a happy, committed relationship this year, good for you. And if you’re still single but ready to mingle in 2022, I’m not gonna say it’ll be hard ’cause I’m sure you already knew it.

Nothing is easy when it comes to relationships. But we can always minimize the problems by finding the right person for us. I’ve seen people’s life fall apart because they settled down with the wrong person.

If you’re in your late twenties like me, you probably got that high pressure from your family that you need to settle down soon — as if we do something wrong by being single.

So instead of suggesting to keep looking for the “one,” I’ll take different approaches today, and here are my top dating advice for you if you’re single.

1. Take some time to learn about your attachment styles.

Did you notice the person you dated in the past was always emotionally unavailable? Or did you always overthink about your relationship with them and make your life revolve around it almost 24/7?

If the answer is yes, that could be a sign you have an anxious attachment style. Which also the reason why you keep attracting people with avoidant attachment styles. Learning your attachment styles is a crucial step in your journey to find the right person to be with.

And it also will help you become more aware of what type of person you actually need in order to build a long-lasting relationship. If you never take the time to learn all this, you’ll forever be stuck in the old pattern where you attract people who end up hurting you.

I wish I had invested some time to do this earlier so I didn’t have to deal with too much stress from past toxic relationships.

2. Go for therapy if you can.

Being single comes with lots of benefits. One of them is you can spend more time learning about yourself and the issues you have. Many of us have childhood issues that are never addressed even until we’re old.

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I’ve had a major trust issue because of my cheating dad, and it took me years to discover that it’s the main reason why I failed at my past relationships.

A deep internal issue like this is where sometimes you need help from professionals. Going for therapy won’t heal you in the short term, but it’s a great way to help you change the old mindset that might have been holding you back from having a healthy relationship.

So if you have the budget, I highly recommend giving it a try.

3. Indulge in some relationship-related books.

If you don’t think therapy is the right choice for you at the moment, you can always invest in books. They’re there to help you gain new insights into what a healthy relationship actually looks like.

People have done research all related to your struggle in a relationship and put them into a book, so why try the hard way to figure it all on your own?

Make it your priority to at least read one or two relationship books in 2022. Here are a couple of my recommendations:

4. Avoid casual dating with someone you met online.

People who crave to be in a relationship think casual dating is still better than nothing. Don’t let it be you.

I’ve had friends who’re stuck in the casual dating phase, where they first thought, “it’s only casual, so it’d be less stress for me.” Oh, they’re so wrong.

Now a year later, they still have a hard time trying to get out from it. Because casual dating doesn’t evolve, and at some point, you grow out of it and want something serious. That’s where the stress starts.

So no matter how charming the new person to you is, if she/he doesn’t want anything else other than a casual relationship, then it’s better to avoid it before you invest too deep in it.

5. Define your own #relationshipgoals.

Single people look at the #relationshipgoals on Instagram and think that’s how they should be with someone. “They all look flawless and happy all the time. “ — Of course, they are because it’s Instagram, after all.

Those couples will never post the times where they fight or when they feel down about their relationship. So nothing is ever real when it comes to those types of hashtags.

So don’t let yourself set that high expectations of your next relationship. It’s only going to make you disappointed because no one can fulfill those. The best thing you can do is to create your own relationship goals.

What do you need in a partner? What things can you/can’t tolerate? And what values do you want them to have?

Focus more on those things rather than constantly look up to other’s people relationships.

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For a recap, here’re the top dating advice you can follow in 2022:

Don’t get too caught up with other people’s relationships. Instead, try to create your own realistic relationship goals and stick with them.
You don’t have to be in casual dating if you don’t want to. There’s always someone out there who’s fully available for you and wants to commit with you. So be bold with saying what you want.
You’ll gain a lot of new insights by reading relationship books, so set some time to indulge in them.
Go for a therapy session if you can. It’ll help you heal those deep unaddressed wounds you have.
Learn what’s your attachment styles and how it has affected your dating life so far. This is important for you so you can make a better decision in the future.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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