This past weekend, I watched The Tinder Swindler, the story of a real-life swindler who conned women by posing as a wealthy, jet setter on Tinder.
It was riveting.
At many points watching this “documentary”, I screamed. I could not believe the audacity, the gullibility, the vast amount of money conned and the fact that he pretty much got away with it. He is very much free today and still flaunting “his” wealth.
I have written before about my love-hate affair with dating apps. What I did not go into much is the amount of fear that accompanies each time I get back on the apps. The reason? I don’t know who I’m talking to. I just don’t!
Dating apps come with a lot of smoke and mirrors and you can never be sure whether the person you are “talking” to is real. Dating apps make lying, very, very easy. People lie about their age, their marital status, what they’re looking for, what they want from you etc. Some put false pictures up, some share false tales and you will not be able to tell that upfront.
I have been lied to on dating apps, luckily, I did not lose any money, but it did impact my trust and I am now skeptical. It’s not that IRL (In Real Life) dating is 100% safe, but dating apps enable dishonesty to a stratospheric level. Liars, scammers and people with ulterior motives can deceive multiple people at the same time and it’s very easily facilitated by dating apps.
I have had to learn some protective measures when I go on the apps and this show reminded me of some of them. Here they are:
1. Beware of love bombers– Love bombing is a deliberate, manipulative tactic used by narcissists to fast-forward you though the relationship process and before you know it, you have let your guard down and fallen in love with them. How does this happen? They go all out to impress you by giving you flowers, taking you on lavish vacations, telling you that you are their soulmate etc, and this happens within a short amount of time, sometimes within days of meeting. However, it’s not real. All it does is make you trust them and once they know that, you are toast. They will set about trying to use you and you’d be too in love to realize what’s happening.
2. Never loan money to someone you just met on a dating app- This is the #1 way scammers use to get money from people. They will say, “Oh, my family member fell sick” or “I got injured” or something to that effect. No. Just. No. There is no need to loan money to a virtual stranger, no matter how much you think you know them. And especially never loan an amount that exceeds what you can afford.
3. Don’t be too quick to believe all you see- I will admit this man was good. I mean, THE BEST CON ARTIST I’ve ever come across, virtually speaking. He had all the social proof and verifiable checks that would make a person believe in him. He had a private jet on hand and stayed at 5-star hotels. Hotel staff knew him by name. He also had a security guard and was always surrounded by people, business partners, girlfriends etc. He looked legit but at the end of the day, it was all a scam.
4. Have some boundaries– The Norwegian in many ways had super porous boundaries in my opinion, more than the other women. She not only agreed to fly with this man to another country, the same day they met, following a coffee date, but she also slept with him the same day. What if he was a human trafficker or an organ harvester? She would have been a goner. Additionally, most women fall in love once they sleep with a guy and once that happens, can’t see straight. This contributed to the rose-colored glasses she had of him and why within a matter of months she had lent him $250,000 something she couldn’t afford. I am not trying to blame her because this man was a professional con-artist. Still, I believe that having some monetary or personal boundaries would have stemmed this tide.
5. Be aware that there are callous people in this world– It is not something we like to think about but it is a fact. There are people in this world who lack empathy and whose only desire is to use you. They will lie to you while looking at you straight in the eye. They will sleep with you while planning to take your entire life savings. You have to be vigilant! This man was one of those callous people. He preyed on these women’s empathy. He bankrupted them and he did so without a care in the world. Diablo!
The quest for love should never bring pain, but on these dating app streets, it regularly does. Hopefully with the money these women would gain from streaming their story on Netflix and the Go Fund Me they set up to help them, they should be able to recoup all of the money they lost. And if you haven’t watched it, I highly recommend you do.
N.B. I am not paid by Netflix to recommend this. I just really think it’s good viewing for anyone on the dating apps.
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Previously Published on Medium
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