While you might be keen to find a new relationship to throw yourself into, there are some things you should consider before venturing out to find new love.
First, make sure that your last relationship is fully over and done with — there’s no point in starting a new relationship if you are secretly hoping your ex-partner will take you back someday.
Feeling ready leads to better relational outcomes and well-being.
When a person feels more ready, this tends to amplify the effect of psychological commitment on relationship maintenance and stability.”
Of course, deciding if you’re finally emotionally ready to start dating is never easy — no one wants to get their heartbroken again, and love is risky.
Do these next 5 things and you can be 100% sure you are fully ready to take on the responsibilities and rewards of a new relationship.
1. Find out if he has the qualities you seek in a partner.
Does he have a good personality that you are attracted to? Are you genuinely attracted to him or are you just flattered that someone would ask you out?
Would you really consider starting a serious relationship with him?
If you answered yes to most of these questions, maybe he is someone you’d want to get into a relationship with.
However, it’s best that you get to know him better if you don’t already know him well enough to go out with him.
If you answered no to most of these questions, perhaps you should reconsider your answer to him.
You could decline or you could take the chance and go out with him, but remember to make sure you choose an answer that makes you happy and that you won’t regret later.
Don’t be afraid to take your time when deciding. Entering a new relationship can be scary, therefore you should not make a decision hastily.
Remember that other partners will be available in the future so don’t feel pressured to accept an offer from a person who you don’t truly desire.
2. Never make haste in starting a relationship.
Think about whether you want to go out with him because you genuinely enjoy his company, or because you’re trying to cover up insecurities.
To help you in making the right decision, write down the traits you want your ideal partner to have.
Consider things like religious beliefs, hobbies, career goals, ethics, physical features, sexual preferences, and lifestyle choices.
Order them from most important to least important so you can determine which features you would be willing to compromise on.
Next, try and discern how many of these features are mirrored in the guy who asked you out.
3. Be ready to compromise.
While a relationship cannot be your entire life, it does permeate its entirety.
You become connected with their friends, families, hobbies, pets, living situations… and they become connected with yours.
Sure, some privacy is important, but your willingness to fully accept someone into your life and routines is what will let the other person know you truly care and are ready to make a commitment to them.
They will become your teammate in taking on life together. You will be building bridges between your lives rather than walls.
More important than some sort of “checklist” though, is something nobody else can ever tell you — how you feel inside.
I believe when we reach the right phase in life or come across the right person, we will know we are ready to leave the single life behind and build a life alongside them.
4. Keep a positive mindset and expect the best of it.
Living alone has its advantages. But here I am, over two years later, and I’m not one step closer to being in a relationship.
Not that I’m throwing in the towel — quite the opposite. In fact, tonight I meet up with a friend for a drink, and our plan is to flirt in downtown Manhattan — or at least a few bars.
And I just updated my online dating profile again. I was unlucky for a year, so what?
Since every first date leads nowhere or every non-relationship ends up being a waste of time, finding love can seem far fetched.
To increase your self-esteem and stay positive about the new relationship, start by being grateful for the life you already have.
Practice keeping a gratitude journal. This will reshape your thinking pretty quickly.
Some people do this at night by writing in a diary, jotting notes in a jar, or just brainstorming out loud.
These positive ripples will slowly affect your week and your love life.
Gratitude not only helps us feel more confident, it has also been scientifically proven to help us build new relationships.
5. Be proud and confident about yourself.
Being able to smoothly talk to romantic interests requires a strong sense of self-worth and belief in your own abilities.
However, confidence doesn’t happen overnight and you have to build it with a series of daily rituals and routines.
Get in the habit of saying nice things to yourself. Focus on your strengths and constantly remind yourself of your best qualities.
Instead of thinking, “I hope they like me or I hope I’m not too nervous or weird,” think, “Does this person have the sweet personality I deserve in a partner?”
Self-harming thoughts will only bring you down and affect your general behavior.
Always remember that you are a catch and approach the date with that frame of mind. It’s mostly about loving yourself.
Take time for yourself. Make sure you have time to immerse yourself in the things you enjoy.
Paint, practice music, read, or engage with whatever your hobbies are so you can keep yourself upbeat and interested. Happy people are confident people.
Finally
After saying yes, it’s crucial to keep the momentum alive. A good way to do this is to set up another date after he initially asked you out.
For example, send a follow-up text after he asked you out saying how excited you are for the date. Or you could just open more lines for casual conversation.
Start asking him about his day, or open up and tell him some random thoughts on your mind that you might not communicate with anyone else.
Inevitably you may trip up your words while responding to him, and that’s completely fine. In fact, he may find your nervousness endearing.
You don’t need to be perfect, just keep talking to him and give him some form of a yes.
By accepting his invitation, you’ve started something with him, and you cannot end it after one day with him.
Remember that boys are not toys — they have their own feelings as well, and you should respect that.
Carefully select the words you want to use in your response and say them out loud until you feel confident enough.
But, until that person comes along, it’s important to work on ourselves and define our own happiness which we can then share with them.
When you are ready, you will know.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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