5 Early Dating Red Flags You Should Never Ignore

When you start dating someone, it’s easy to overlook behavior that’s a little “off.” We sometimes assume it’s related to first-date jitters or early overexcitement. And sometimes, we get so caught up in the heat of the moment that red flags can seem appealing.

Here are five red flags most people miss in the first three dates — and why it’s important not to miss them.

1. Love-Bombing

The truth is, receiving constant attention, excessive compliments, gifts, and grand gestures can feel really amazing. When the person you’re dating says they’ve never felt this way before or that it feels like love at first sight, most of us are inclined to believe them.

It might feel like you’re dating someone who’s finally ready to commit to you. But what you may be experiencing is love-bombing, a manipulation tactic narcissists and other controlling personality types use to get you emotionally invested in them.

Don’t ignore this red flag. It can lead to future heartbreak after the love-bomber takes you on an emotional rollercoaster.

2. Inconsistent Communication

Hot-and-cold behavior can be easy to miss early on, before we’ve learned someone’s communication patterns. One day, they seem very interested and communicative. And the next day, they leave you on “read”, take suspiciously long to respond, or it feels like you’re pulling teeth to have a conversation.

Instead of seeing it as a red flag, many people tend to make excuses for inconsistency early on. “He must be working.” In reality, the person might not actually be that interested, or they might be breadcrumbing by dangling just enough attention to keep you around (without making a full commitment). Or they might intentionally be trying to get you addicted to the highs and lows of an on-again, off-again relationship.

Either way, don’t ignore this red flag. A healthy relationship develops when both people are making an effort to communicate consistently.

3. Disrespecting Boundaries

It’s never okay for someone to disrespect boundaries. If the person you’re dating pushes for you to do things you’re not comfortable with, this is a huge red flag.

While pushing you to be physically intimate before you’re ready is a common one, it can also be more subtle. Maybe they’re pushing for you to go on more dates than you want, or they try to pressure you into sharing details about yourself that you’re not ready to reveal yet.

No matter what boundaries they’re crossing, it’s a huge red flag if they’re dismissing you when you say, “no” or “I don’t feel comfortable with that.”

Sometimes we excuse this behavior because we feel silly for having boundaries. Other times, we excuse it because we want to continue dating. But this is a huge relationship red flag. If someone doesn’t respect your boundaries early on, they’ll keep doing it later.

4. Talking Badly About Exes

If the person you’re dating says all of their exes are “crazy”, you might find yourself believing them. But this is a red flag you should never ignore.

Narcissists, manipulators, and otherwise toxic people tend to paint past partners as the villains, rather than taking accountability for their own actions in the relationship. They’re victimizing themselves to gain your sympathy — and your trust.

This first date red flag is one you won’t want to ignore, because here’s the reality: you’ll be their next “crazy” ex they tell future dates about — even if the relationship goes south because of them.

5. Rushing the Relationship

You’ve only been on a few dates, but they’ve already begun to talk about an exclusive relationship with you. They’ve told you that they believe you’re the one. They talk about long-term relationship goals, such as moving in or getting married. They may have already started naming your children.

For some of us, this can feel romantic, and even refreshing if we’ve been in situationships or relationships that never moved forward in the past. But rushing the relationship can be a sign of love-bombing. It might also be a strategy some people use to take advantage of someone else’s situation, such as someone who wants to move in rent-free.

In either case, the reality is that if someone is rushing a future before they even know you, there may be an ulterior motive at play. It’s a red flag that may seem appealing at first, but it’s one you should never ignore.

Paying Attention to Early Red Flags

When we first start dating someone, we may be so infatuated that we ignore red flags. In some cases, we might not even notice them.

But recognizing the red flags and paying attention to them helps protect you from future heartbreak. If someone has red flags early on, they’re unlikely to change later in the relationship.

It’s important to slow down, ask questions, and trust your gut. If something feels too good to be true, it probably is.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.