5 Essential Truths About Life That Will Change How You Think

There are times in life when one realization hits you so hard that it alters the way you have been seeing everything. Suddenly you are seeing little details you never noticed about people around you and even yourself.

Then many of us go through life without questioning certain mindsets we have more or less inherited and stay stuck in some patterns that we may not even realize are repeating, or we may be living in some fear that in reality only exists in our imagination.

However, once you see these truths (you can’t unsee them), they may challenge many of the things you think you know about life and some will feel like you have known them all along, only you never put them into words before.

1. Your mind is really the architect of your reality

A good friend of mine once told me he had “bad luck” with relationships because, according to him, every time he got close to someone, things somehow always fell apart: different people but always the same outcome. He swore it was just fate, that he just wasn’t meant for love. The thing was, his relationships, that I know of, usually followed a pattern: he would get anxious, test his partner’s loyalty, push them away, and then feel justified in his belief that people always leave.

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” C. G. Jung

Most of us do this in some way. That is, we unknowingly repeat patterns (unhealthy relationships, money struggles, career stagnation, etc.) and then we blame fate, or even other people, when sadly it is just a script we have internalized.

By the wisdom of C. G. Jung therefore, your unconscious beliefs will dictate your life’s trajectory. Therefore, if you don’t examine them, they will keep running in the background, shaping your actions or inactions, and reinforcing the same consequences you fear.

Get practical:

The first thing to change is, naturally, your level of awareness. As you reflect on your recurring struggles, ask yourself whether you are unconsciously creating the situations. You may also find that you need to challenge certain beliefs you have always accepted as truths, but once you do, you will be back in control.

2. Your worst fears are mostly just your imagination

Have you ever spent a considerable amount of time dreading a “difficult” conversation that you were convinced would go terribly, and by the time the moment actually arrived after you had imagined every worst-case scenario possible in your mind ten times over, it turned out to be good news?

“There are more things…likely to frighten us than there are to crush us; we suffer more often in imagination than in reality.” — Seneca

There you have it. Anxiety, like a sadistic mental time traveler drags us into futures filled with disasters of our own making, and we end up spending too much time fearing things that will never actually happen. Reality is oftentimes kinder than our imagination.

Get practical:

The next time you catch yourself spiraling, see if there is any solid proof that whatever it is is going to happen, or if you are just storytelling. Failing that proof, just know that you are most likely worrying about a ghost that doesn’t exist. Ground yourself in reality!

“Reality is oftentimes kinder than our imagination.”

3. The freedom that most people don’t want

My sister would constantly complain about her job, telling me how miserable she was. One day, I abruptly asked her why she doesn’t just free herself by quitting the job. Her response was, “Well, I need the stability. And what if I fail at something else?” You see, it seems that she just wanted “freedom,” but not the responsibility that came with it.

“You are free to choose, but you are not free from the consequences of your choices.” — Anonymous

Real freedom is not just doing whatever you want. You have to own your choices, and to many, that is terrifying. Terrifying because they must come to terms with the fact that, for the most part, their lives are in their hands, so it is easier to just blame fate, the economy, or their boss than to admit they are staying where they are because it is comfortable despite all.

Get practical:

Critically evaluate your situation to see if you are stuck because of real limitations or because you fear the responsibility of making a different choice. Own your choices, and you own your life.

“Anxiety, like a sadistic mental time traveler drags us into futures filled with disasters of our own making…”

4. Loneliness isn’t always about being alone

I don’t know about you but I have felt isolated in crowded rooms before. Plenty of times, in fact. I wasn’t alone, but somehow I couldn’t connect with the people in any meaningful way.

“Loneliness does not come from having no people around you, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to you.” — C. G. Jung

In this life, you will come to learn that loneliness is not only about physical presence but also emotional connection. I assume that is why some people can feel deeply connected online and others feel lonely in their real-life relationships. So, in effect, just being around people isn’t enough; you need to be seen, heard, and understood.

Get practical:

Instead of seeking more company, seek deeper conversations where you can find something real. Start asking better questions, but most importantly, find people who get you and not just people who are there.

5. Money and power don’t change people, they expose them

I knew a guy back in college that was the humblest, nicest, and most generous guy you could ever meet. He has done well for himself now and is in a leadership position, but sadly all I hear now is how condescending and uninterested he is in others’ positions or situations.

Did he change? No. He just stopped pretending.

“If you want to see someone’s true colors, give them money or power.” — Anonymous

I am now of the firm opinion that power doesn’t really corrupt, it just amplifies who we already are. If you are kind, it puts you in a position to be even kinder, and if you are really a selfish scoundrel masquerading as a nice guy, power will make you unbearable. It is how people become tyrants when given authority, while others use it to uplift those around them.

Get practical:

Start by paying attention to how people treat those with less power because it tells you everything about who they really are. And when you get power, because at some point you will, try to remember that it is like a mirror, so make sure you like what it reflects.

“If you are kind, it puts you in a position to be even kinder, and if you are really a selfish scoundrel masquerading as a nice guy, power will make you unbearable.”

In reality, life is not as complicated as we make it and many of our fears are just the bad fiction we are living in in our heads. Seeing as our perspectives shape our lives more than our circumstances do, if you can just alter your mindset. everything else will follow.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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