It’s hard to tell what’s horseshit and what’s bullshit. It all smells so alike.
Only if you haven’t already let confirmation bias brainwash you.
The Republican National Convention in Cleveland this week—that is, the Great Orange Hope Party Convention (since the most prominent of Republicans aren’t in attendance, including past Presidents and several Presidential-hopefuls)—is in almost full bloom.
And what a shitshow of logical fallacies it is.
Those on stage—roughly less than half of them—don’t believe in The Great Orange One.
“Real” or traditional Republicans aren’t attending.
One senator had the best RSVP: he’s busy touring the state with his kids watching dumpster fires.
So what can we make of the nonsense that is screamed on-stage and then screamed louder from the crowd?
Here are the most common fallacies you’ll be hearing over and over until we elect Hillary in November.
And yes, some of these you’ll hear at the DNC, but for some reason, the Democrats are nicer and not as lynch-mobby as the GOP.
Everything is all Hillary’s fault
The delegates, superdelegates, and most of the speakers are only preaching anti-Hillary rhetoric, as if she has been guilt of all atrocities since Lucifer fell from glory. Seriously. They—the blonde, white masses on the convention floor screaming in-between praying and nodding with their chins and lower lips making that “you got this, buddy” face—want to lock her up and throw away the key even though she hasn’t been convicted or indicting. We realize that these rallies and conventions bring out the worst in crowd-funded emotion, but you’d think that Hillary was a baby-eating dingo instead of a megalomaniacal narcissist with intentions on world control (neither of which has been proven yet). In reality she’s a smart, calculating, seasoned politician (shocking!) with her eye on the Presidency (the shame!) who is a polite narcissist (of course!)
Everything is Hillary’s fault UNLESS it’s Obama’s fault. And Obama is Hillary. And Hillary is an extension of Obama.
You can watch Frank Luntz battle Bill Maher and try to strawman Maher out of reasonable, logical points, as if comedians don’t have real thoughts. As if Hillary and Obama have been running the government since Reagan left office in 1988. As if they had sole power over the Senate, House, all liberal media, all non-liberal media, and all minds—who otherwise—are constantly hosting independent thoughts.
Conservatives have spent billions and created a niche industry on being anti-Clinton and anti-Hillary for several reasons, and she has become the new strawman until the years that follow her second term. Just look how conservatives feel about Obama since 2008—nothing has changed. Nothing has softened in their tone, tenor, or rhetoric. We know politics is bloodsport, but this bloodsport has been especially raw since Hope and Change took office.
Only small town farmers, soldiers, Christians, conservatives, and/or Republicans are true Americans—including any and all white, English-only speaking people and businesses
This talking point has been the easiest go-to for all elections since, well, the Roman Empire went Christian. And when you think of the Great Orange One, don’t you think of a godless, immoral, money-hog capitalist pig divorcee? Somehow he has become the little picture next to this fallacy in the GOP handbook of talking points/suggestions for brainwashing.
“Make Bla Bla Whatever It Was Before The Godless Minorities Took Over”
I’m sorry, I meant “Make America Great, Working, Not Broken, Not Liberal Again.”
I know how facts are bothersome things. But if you look at…ah, hell. I’m not even going to argue facts because the GOP is only operating on circular argument, confirmation bias, and a host of the worst logical fallacies.
Be afraid—be very, very, very, very, very, very afraid (and we’re the only ones who can protect you)
If the Cold War taught us anything, it’s that if a nation clenches its sphincters long enough, it will create and sell enough nuclear arms, war rhetoric, and “Peace Through War” claims to make George Orwell’s head spin.
And without Rudy yelling about 9/11 and single-handedly saving New York and America from the bad guys, we just might forget about coercion, force, violence, a nation of violence, addiction to guns, and international blowback, which, if you listen carefully enough, are all Hillary’s fault going all the way back to the Korean War.
We’re unpopular, disenfranchised, pushed to the fringes of popular belief, made fun of, and confident in our sense of values, therefore we’re being persecuted and are actually correct about everything—and we have a monopoly on common sense.
When people of the ilk of those who have actually been persecuting people for the past few centuries have the tables slightly turned to ensure more freedom for the downtrodden, forgotten, or marginalized, they’ll use any instance of censorship or disagreement as a means to calling attention to themselves so that they have a sympathetic position.
That means that the “War on Christmas,” “Blue Lives Matter,” “I won’t press one for English!” and anti-LGBTQ groups and positions feel justified as if they are the ones who are actually being infringed upon.
To be fair, because of our class system, there are those who are truly disenfranchised who are straight, white, Christian, et al. But of that subset there are even smaller, more disenfranchised groups who have more of a leg to stand on when it comes to rights, a voice, and simply being heard at the ballot box.
Everyone lies, is out for power, has no common sense, is in cahoots with the banks, and hates the common man and middle class family except for us, the good guys
The Great Orange One has literally called for awful, unkind, racist, bigoted, hateful, misogynist, and terrible things (as has his new party), and millions of angry white people are okay with that.
Millions of angry white Americans believe the paradoxical, untrue, and backwards things his family and supporters say about him, the American people, and life in general.
Millions of angry citizens are screaming because they want the American utopia where they are at the top because they’re white, English-speaking, Christian, heterosexual, and full of common sense.
I don’t know if I have anything more to say or add to that, except that there are plenty of wonderful, rational, loving, compassionate Republicans out there with whom I agree on many points.
I just don’t see any yet at the RNC this week.
We’ll be watching tonight—see you there!
Photo: Getty Images