5 Gaslighting Phrases People Randomly Use to Manipulate You

 

Have you ever felt like someone manipulated your words or emotions?

Or ever been with someone who repeatedly made you question what you knew to be true?

If so, I’m afraid you have been gaslighted. While the term “gaslighting” is currently everywhere, it’s difficult to spot in real life — especially if you don’t know what to look for.

Since gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse, it’s important that you distance yourself from the gaslighter(s) of your life. Before you can do that though, you need to recognize the signs that prove the other person is randomly manipulating and abusing you.

Here are five commonly used gaslighting phrases and how to respond to them:

“You’re Overthinking Things.”

I’ve always been an overthinker — always overanalyzing every little thing in my head.

And some people have used that against me.

“Why are you still thinking about this?”

“You’re overthinking it.”

“You should just get over it.”

Similar phrases were repeatedly thrown at me by people who wanted to trivialize my feelings after doing or saying something hurtful.

If the same has happened to you, know that you should be around people who acknowledge your thoughts and feelings — especially if they did something that hurt you.

If someone attempts to trivialize your feelings, it’s because they want to make you feel insecure so that they can emotionally exploit you and gain the upper hand in your relationship.

Here’s how you can respond:

• “This situation is obviously more important to me than it is to you.”
• “I just need some time to process my feelings.”
• “I’m not going to apologize for wanting to think things through.”

…

“You’re overreacting.”

I remember getting into an argument with a friend after she had made a negative comment about my body. I had gained some weight since the last time I had seen her, and she felt obligated to casually mention it, in a very rude manner.

After I expressed my discomfort over her comment, she told me I was overreacting.

Deep down I knew I wasn’t — not letting other people be rude and negatively comment on your appearance is called setting boundaries.

But her words planted a seed of doubt that began to take root in my mind. Maybe I was overreacting. Maybe I was being oversensitive.

That’s exactly a gaslighter’s goal: to make you doubt yourself and your thinking process; to throw you off balance and gain the upper hand.

Here’s how you can respond:

• “You should stop undermining my feelings just because you can’t understand them.”
• “I’m not overreacting, I’m simply telling you how I feel.”
• “My feelings are real and valid even if you don’t agree with them.”
• “I won’t apologize for how I feel.”

…

“You’re making things up.”

Let’s say you just discovered a friend lied to you. Or, you start having suspicions that your partner is seeing someone behind your back.

Do you know what’s the first thing they’re going to tell you if they want to gaslight you?

That you are making things up.

Their goal is to make you question your sense of reality and second-guess yourself. You might start to wonder if you’re paranoid, if you misunderstood the situation or if you’re overreacting.

But you’re not being paranoid. You’re being manipulated.

Here’s how you can respond:

• “I’m not making things up. I’m just addressing the situation for what it really is.”
• “Why are you trying to convince me of something that’s not true?”
• “I’m not a fool, I know what I saw/heard.”
• “We both know what’s really happening.”

…

“Stop making a fuss.”

This is a common yet often overlooked phrase a gaslighter will casually use to make you think your feelings are invalid.

You might say something and be met with a smirk, a laugh, and a “stop making such a fuss/this isn’t a big deal” comment.

You might express your feelings and they will accuse you of being too sensitive. They’ll make you feel like you’re too much and that you’re constantly overreacting.

I remember telling one of my colleagues how anxious I was about an upcoming social event, and they told me how ridiculous it was for me to feel so stressed over such a minor matter.

Their comment was so rude and hurtful. Just because they couldn’t understand my feelings, it didn’t mean they were “ridiculous.”

Remember, the fact that someone might think your feelings aren’t valid doesn’t make them any less real.

Here’s how you can respond:

• “If you have nothing kind to say, better not say anything at all.”
• “Don’t disrespect my feelings.”
• “You might not think it’s a big deal, but to me it is, and I don’t need your negative comments.”
• “ I’m allowed to feel however I want to feel.”

…

“You Weren’t Paying Enough Attention.”

You know what they said. They deny ever saying it. You insist. They tell you you weren’t paying enough attention. You start to question your memory.

Maybe they were right, and they never said it?

Remember that a gaslighter’s intention is to make you question your reality and throw your perception out the window. A great way to achieve this is to twist and reframe the conversations you had in the past or retell past events in their favor.

The result? They replace your memories with theirs.

Here’s how you can respond:

• “I perfectly remember what happened. I was paying as much attention as you did.”
• “I’m 100% sure about what you said. Please stop denying it.”
• “It’s evident you just reframed the conversation we had.”

…

It’s important to understand the difference between saying one of these phrases every once in a while and constantly throwing them at someone.

For example, there’s a chance you indeed weren’t paying much attention to a conversation you had with your partner/friend/family member the other day and you don’t remember it correctly.

But constantly forgetting the details of your conversations with a particular person?

Sounds suspicious, don’t you think?

If someone in your life keeps throwing most of these phrases at you again and again and makes you question yourself, your memory, and your perception of reality, they’re gaslighting you.

Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse. If you recognize signs of gaslighting, minimize, or, if possible, eliminate the amount of time you spend with that person — for your own well-being.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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