Rom-coms and sitcoms taught us that grand gestures make everything right and that there’s always a happily ever after (at the end of the episode, that is). But the reality is that love doesn’t always look like magic.
Real love, the kind that lasts, looks a lot different from what we grew up watching. It’s not like something out of a movie. And a lot of the things we’ve been taught to believe? They’re not even real.
Here are five myths about love we all need to stop believing.
1. “Opposites Attract”
It sounds like the ideal scenario: falling for the quiet, realistic one when you’re the loud dreamer. So many movies tell us that it’s true. And honestly? Dating someone who’s our opposite can be really exciting.
But over time, those connections tend to fade. Research actually shows that we are happier with someone whose values, lifestyle, and habits align with our own. Finding someone similar to you is actually more likely to lead to a lasting connection.
2. “True Love Happens Instantly”
How many movies have sold on the idea of love at first sight? While there’s no doubt that you can experience lust at first sight, the reality is that real love takes time to grow.
“Love at first sight” is based on chemistry, but real love is based on compatibility — two things which are often confused. Real love requires communication, trust, and vulnerability. It’s about way more than the spark you may feel initially with someone.
That being said, you might feel an initial attraction to someone that grows into more (which is why some people say they did experience “love at first sight” with their significant other).
3. “Jealousy Means You Care”
There are a million movie scenes where a jealous man storms in and scares off the other guy who’s interested in his girl. While this may feel swoon-worthy in a movie, the reality is that jealousy isn’t a sign of love.
It’s a sign of insecurity and fear of abandonment. It’s a sign of feeling out of control. And in some cases, it’s actually a sign of abuse.
Real love isn’t controlling or possessive. Real love is about trust, communication, and respect.
4. “Your Significant Other Should Make You Happy”
A lot of people believe the myth that your happiness should come from your partner. But the truth is that your happiness comes from within. It’s something that you need to find within yourself.
Your partner can certainly add to your joy, but your happiness shouldn’t be based solely on your relationship.
5. “If It’s Meant to Be, It Will Be”
Many of us want to believe that fate is what determines our love lives. It’s comforting to believe that the right person will come into our lives and everything will fall into place.
Some people find themselves waiting around for an ex because they believe that it’s meant to be.
But love isn’t written in the stars. Love is a choice. It’s a decision to show up day after day for your partner. It’s a decision to make it work, even when times get hard.
At the end of the day, if they wanted to, they would (and if they’re not, it might be time to let them go).
The Bottom Line
These myths about love may work in the movies, but remember: they’re doing it for the plot. The reality is that love isn’t always easy, and it takes a lot of effort on both ends.
When we stop believing these myths, we allow ourselves to find a healthy, grounded love that has the chance to stand the test of time. And isn’t that what we all want?
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Vitaly Gariev On Unsplash
