Our constant behaviors determine the outcome of our lives.
Things you do occasionally will have a little fundamental impact on your life.
On the other hand, the things you do daily determine how your life turns out in the long run.
The blunt truth is that in every aspect of life whether in our careers, health, relationships, or any other aspects, having little, good, and productive behaviors can make our success.
Talking about romantic relationships, I’ve come to realize over the years that we often self-sabotage our happiness and fulfillment by adopting and displaying habits that are nothing but pointless, energy-depleting, and even unproductive.
Instead of adopting, putting up, or displaying habits that are more like some levels of endeavors or acts of commitment that have great magical impacts on our relationship.
That’s why I strongly believe that embracing the following good and productive habits might change your entire love life for good.
1. Being open with your emotions
We live in a world that encourages stoicism and believes in emotional control which is no other thing than emotional suppression.
But the truth is that, no matter how much you may think you’re protecting your relationship from conflicts or what have you, you’ll be hurting the relationship you’re trying to protect if you keep suppressing your emotions.
I used to have this strong desire to avoid conflicts in my previous relationship which I now know stemmed from a deep-seated lack of trust in myself and my ex.
It was so bad that I would always try to hide my annoyance whenever she does something upsetting.
Though, her actions really bothered me.
But I was always scared she’ll react negatively if I open up on how I felt which could always result in more painful conflicts.
Plus, I was also terribly afraid of being vulnerable as I was always scared that expressing my emotions might attract judgment of being weak, dramatic, or whatever.
Hence, I would always bottle up my anger, pain, frustration, and insecurities because I don’t want to appear weak and wanted to avoid conflicts.
But it later occurred to me that hiding my emotions prevented the clear communication that was necessary to navigate through the very tough conflict which resulted from my emotional blow-up when I couldn’t hold them back anymore, which of course, brought about the end of the relationship I was crazily protecting.
That’s why I now believe that being able to communicate your emotions authentically to your partner is one of the best things you can do in a relationship.
Because telling your partner you’re fine when you’re not, concealing your insecurities from your partner, and any other form of numbing your emotions, only makes relationships more difficult to navigate through.
Although they always seem like great ways to escape conflicts and emotional pain, they usually ruin everything in the end.
2. Understanding and accepting your partner’s emotions
Want to easily enjoy a significantly better and more satisfying relationship?
Understanding and taking into account of where your partner is emotionally will make it easier.
When I was with my ex-girlfriend, I could never let myself get mad at her no matter what she did.
But my current girlfriend always encourages me to get mad at her, to tell her when I’m pissed, to tell her when I’m jealous, and to be open about every one of my feelings positive or negative because she will never judge me.
She didn’t just stop there.
She validated everything I felt. And I couldn’t feel more alive, and our relationship is significantly better for it.
For sure, it’s as difficult as being open and vulnerable with your emotions but it’s also one of the most necessary ingredients of healthy and satisfying relationships.
Creating a lasting bond with someone you love becomes easier when you know that your partner matters. But it’s, even more, easier when you understand that your partner’s feelings are important as well.
Hence, accepting and understanding your partner’s emotions without judgment is one of the best things you can do in a relationship.
Because it makes your partner freer and lighter to connect with you more deeply enough for the both of you to feel safe in your relationship. Thus, enhancing trust in your relationship.
3. Having healthy and strong personal boundaries
Giving up who you are, succumbing to pressures to do things you don’t want to, and putting up with obviously unacceptable treatments are clear signs of poor or no personal boundaries.
Relationships become unbalanced, one-sided, and draining when one helplessly sells his or herself out in the name of love.
Because it’s a behavior that’s nothing more than a lack of self-love and knowledge of one’s self-worth and value.
But when you know how to set healthy boundaries and respect them, you won’t have to buy into the popular belief that one has to overly compromise, make a lot of sacrifices, and endure some kind of obviously unacceptable treatments for a relationship to thrive.
And because you have a clear understanding of what you can take and won’t take, you won’t feel the need to do things sorely to keep partners interested and happy like people who fear of abandonment forces them to give up their needs for that of their partners do.
What’s more, you won’t feel so unworthy of your partner’s love and affection enough to swallow and endure unfair treatments for peace to reign or succumb to pressure from your partner to do things you don’t want to do.
So tell me, don’t you also think that it’s a good thing to have clear and healthy boundaries enough to save you from falling into the trap of molding yourself into what a partner might like?
Well, I strongly believe that if a person doesn’t love and accept me just the way I am, then I’m better off without them.
4. Being courageous enough to apologize
When you’ve unintentionally or otherwise, hurt your partner, do you find it difficult to apologize sincerely and effectively?
I hope not.
Because apologies make it easier and possible for even strained relationships to be repaired or fixed by getting everyone to be comfortable with each other and eventually restoring the peace, love, and trust that existed earlier.
Some people are so afraid of apologizing because apologies frequently feel like an admission of inadequacy for them — it makes them feel like something is fundamentally flawed about them or that they’re flat-out terrible persons.
Some others cringe at the thought of offering an apology first after conflicts because it often feels like shouldering all the guilt and responsibilities for the fight, relieving the other party of their own part and responsibilities.
But neither of the above reasons are true about apologies.
Because a sincere apology is nothing but an admission that you’ve made a mistake and that you’re willing to make amends. It also allows the other party to take responsibility for their part in the conflict or argument.
What’s more, it might eventually bring about a resolution, reaffirm shared values, and restore positive feelings.
Hence, knowing when and how to deliver an apology and being courageous enough to do it sincerely and effectively is one of the best things you can do in a relationship.
Because let’s face it: We are all humans and are bound to make mistakes that would hurt other people’s feelings, break their trust in us, and cause them pain.
But what’s abnormal and even inhuman is being ashamed or too proud to offer an apology that communicates genuine empathy, remorse, and regret as well as a promise to learn from our mistakes when we’ve hurt others with our words, actions, or inactions.
5. Having realistic expectations
If your relationship often feels too wrong or unhappy all the time, it has everything to do with what you were looking for at the beginning of the relationship.
Usually, when you don’t have a well-developed idea of what you want in a relationship, your happiness and satisfaction suffer.
This usually becomes apparent when people aren’t looking for a relationship of mutual trust, respect, open and effective communication, authenticity, compromise, and shared values …
It might also be obvious when people are driven by attraction at high speed into a relationship without paying attention to things they have uncommon like, ethics, interests, etc such that they have little to talk about …
When couples seek their individual emotional fulfillment outside their relationship, and so on.
I once heard a story of a couple who were married for over 20 years but everything ended in tears, betrayal, and bitterness because the relationship was founded on a ground of deep-seated incompatibility.
But people who enjoy deep, intimate, and satisfying relationships have a well-defined idea of what they want in any relationship, never settle for less than what they want, in fact, they seek out relationships where deep understanding and mutual respect’s individuality exists. Because they know that it’s one of the best things to do in a relationship.
The truth is, once you learn to have well-defined relationship expectations, you’ll easily tell whether or not someone is right for you. You’ll avoid being trapped in an unhappy relationship.
That’s to say, you’ll easily walk away from a relationship when it isn’t right for you.
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean? | My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence |
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