Before you pop THAT question, an expert “in the business of love” wants you to answer these questions.
The idea of engagement rings supposedly goes back to ancient Rome (1686) where it was thought that your ring finger contained a vein that was directly tied to your heart. The ring is a symbol of capturing your heartthrob’s ardor, much like a lasso.
Since I design custom engagement rings for a living I’ve had people ask me if I’m going to design my own “heart lasso.” Not on your life! But I can tell you there are five questions anyone who tries to lasso my heart needs to answer before he offers me a ring.
Question #1 – What is your budget?
Nope, I’m not the kind of girl who wants to spend a lot of his money on a ring I can show off to my friends. I hope you aren’t the kind of guy who would break your heart over that kind of girl either. I think it’s important, since we’re entering into a life partnership, that you start with a responsible outlook on finances. I’ve made a ring for $1,250 and one for $65,000 and hopefully by looking at my website it’s hard to tell them apart because the difference is in the materials, tourmaline instead of diamonds for instance, not the design. So put your heart into the design, and some thought into the budget, and if your designer won’t respect that you have the wrong designer.
To me, if I’m going to say yes to anyone, our love has to be worth more than diamonds. It has to be worth being practical about what you put on my finger so that we can start our life together without mortgaging the house we haven’t even purchased yet.
Question #2 – Do you know what I like?
Of course I hope you’ll take the time to know what I want in a ring. If you’ve talked to my best friends or my mother you know that I am partial to pear-shaped stones, or emerald cuts. You’ll know that I favor unique over traditional, and which colored stones are among my favorites. Maybe you’ve trolled my social media accounts, even stalked me on Pinterest, so you know what I’ve shared, or commented on.
But more to the point, I hope you care about what I like in far more than engagement rings. I hope you know what kind of bathrobe I like to curl up in on a winter’s night and what kind of coffee I like with my bagel and cream cheese in the mornings. I hope it matters to you that I love fresh flowers, and that my favorite scent has notes of jasmine. I’ve paid attention to what makes you smile, and to what causes you to raise an eyebrow, I hope my pleasure matters to you just as much.
Question #3 – Do you know my size?
We’re talking about ring size here! If you care more about the size of my bra, or my waist, than you do whether or not that ring you’re about to offer me is going to fit – well, I may not say “yes” when you pop the question. If you don’t know, you could “borrow” one of my other rings and ask the designer to size it. You could ask my friends or my mother if you trust them not to give away your secret. Or you could even take a picture of my hand, you know, by accident, when I’m holding something that can be used to guess at scale. Because a talented designer is going to be able to hazard a sharp guess just by looking at that picture.
But whatever you do, err on the side of too large rather than too small. Neither of us want to remember that time when you asked, I said yes, we kissed and … the ring wouldn’t even go on my finger.
Any professional knows it’s easier to size the ring down than it is to make it bigger. So fudge a bit on the large size if you don’t have a way to be sure.
Question #4 – What do you want me to feel?
Not only when you first slide that heart lasso onto my finger, but every time I glance down and see it shining on my hand. It’s a question I always ask my clients and just so you know, their answers make me melt. One said he wanted his love to “always feel safe and protected in any storm.” We designed a ring I called the “diamond castle” to be her reminder of the fortress of their love. Another, who had almost lost her love to an accident in the desert, said she wanted her to know “my love is as deep as the ocean and I will love you ‘til the end of time.” Our design incorporated a bit of sea wisdom so that they would never forget almost losing each other, and then finding each other for all time.
But you and I, our love will be unique, our own. And I hope you know what you want me to feel, because I’m sure I will know what I want you to feel or we would not have come so far as to be on the brink of you asking the question.
Question #5 – How much faith do you have?
I want to know if you can trust yourself in our relationship. Are you making decisions you are proud of? As the designer I can tell when my client is making decisions from a place of faith, and I can tell too if they have faith in me. (By the way, if you’re having a ring designed for me PLEASE choose a designer you trust. Because if you don’t trust them it’s going to be a miserable process for you, and a disastrous result for both of us.)
Asking me to share the rest of your life is one of the biggest decisions you’ll ever ask yourself to make. I want to know you’re making that decision with faith in yourself first, and in me second. So yes, I want to know how much faith you have in me. Will you trust the heart you’re lassoing as much as I trust yours? And finally, do you have faith in us? In our love, our combined wisdom, energy, and spirit?
Because this ring you’re buying, the one you’re going to slide on that finger with a vein that runs straight to my heart, that is only a symbol of what we are together, what we offer to each other, and what we intend for our life – until death do us part.
Photo Credit: Getty Images