5 Reasons Why Getting Back With Your Ex Is a Terrible Idea

You’re at the place when you and your ex first met. You see someone crossing the street wearing your ex’s favorite shirt. And as if that weren’t enough, ‘your’ song starts playing on the radio. And, you can’t help but think,

“Would it be so bad if I reached out?”

When it comes to dating, rekindling things with an ex is something each and every one of us has thought about at one point or another.

Actually, If I had a dollar for every time a friend of mine asked me whether they should get back with their ex, I would probably be richer than Bill Gates right now. Yeah.

The thing is, in most cases, the idea of getting back with an ex is coming from a place of loneliness than true regret. The devil you know is better than the devil you don’t, right?

But, rekindling things with an old flame, can be very problematic. And of course, a total waste of time and energy. Here’s why.

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1. If They Did Something Once, They’ll Probably Gonna Do It Again

“Should I get back with my ex, even though they cheated on me/abused me/ignored my needs/flirted with other people?”

Throughout my life, I’ve heard these lines more times than I can count. I’ve also seen so many people get back with their former partners, in hopes that the had changed, only to run away from them again, after a while.

If I’ve learned one thing about people, is that if they do something once, they’ll probably gonna do it again sooner or later. People rarely change and once they cross a certain line, there’s no going back.

So, if your ex cheated on you in the past, they’re likely to cheat on you again in the future. If they flirted with other people while you were together, they’ll still feel the need to flirt with them when you two get back together.

If they completely ignored your need the first time around, they sure as hell will ignore them again and again, no matter how many times you break up with them.

People rarely learn from their mistakes. Instead, they might just be getting used to their bad behavior. If you do something once and come to terms with it as something you naturally do, then it may just not seem so bad the next time you do it.

The takeaway is, you should do yourself a favor and run as far away from your ex as possible. If they hurt you once, chances are they’ll hurt you again in the future.

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2. There’s a Reason You Broke up in the First Place

Each relationship is different and breakups happen for a lot of reasons.

Maybe it was bad timing, multiple differences, cheating, unmet needs, distance, and so much more.

It’s easy to think of all the good times and forget the bad when people consider getting back together with a former partner.

But, the thing is, your ex is an ex for a reason. You already gave your relationship a try and it failed. The reasons behind your breakup can’t just vanish. They’ll probably get in your way and ruin your relationship again.

I know it sounds cliche, but believe me: everything happens for a reason. Sometimes, two people are just not meant to be.

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3. You Shouldn’t Let Your Loneliness Cloud Your Judgement

Let’s be honest here. When we feel lonely, we tend to romanticize our past and the people we were together with.

We suddenly forget about that awful time we caught our ex flirting with someone else and think about that other time when they surprised us with flowers and a box of chocolates.

Well, that is because in most cases our loneliness tends to cloud our judgment. We want to escape the state of loneliness and all the negative feelings that come with it; for this reason, we only keep the memories that we want to keep.

And that’s one of the worse mistakes we can make, because it ends up in us lowering our standards and getting back with a person that hurt us and will probably hurt us again. Overall, we invite more trouble into our lives.

“Do not allow your loneliness to lower your standards. Read that again.”

— Shay Torres

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4. You’re One Step Closer to Finding Your Other Half

Okay, you can call me a hopeless romantic all you want, but I’m the kind of person who believes that there’s a perfect match out there for each and every one of us.

Wait.

I know what you’re thinking.

Let me stop you right there.

When I say “perfect match” I don’t mean that there will be no struggles, fights, or difficulties. Love is, after all, messy and complicated.

However, when you find your person, everything will be so much easier.

There will be no second thoughts, no breakups, no what-ifs. Everything will fit in place. And that’s simply perfect.

So, next time the thought of getting back with your ex crosses your mind, remember that by staying away from them(and the trouble and pain that accompanies them), you’re one step closer to finding your other half.

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5. Missing Someone Is Not the Same as Wanting to Get Back Together

At one point in my life, I had a thing for this person.

We tried to make things between us work but we just had way too different personalities. After we parted ways, I often caught myself thinking about them and whether we could have made things work, had we stayed and tried harder.

A lot of time passed. I was too busy meeting new people, pursuing a career, and dealing with life in general. But, every once in a while, the thought of them crossed my mind.

Then, one day, out of nowhere, they reached out to me. We were both single at the time, more mature and we were under the right circumstances to get back together.

But, I realized that I didn’t want to get back together. I didn’t want a relationship with someone who couldn’t understand me, with whom we shared zero interests and always ended up fighting over the silliest thing.

The takeaway? It’s very easy to romanticize the past. You can miss a person and some great moments you shared, but not the relationship itself. You can miss them, but not want to get back together.

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Final Thoughts

“You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.” ― Unknown

After time has gone by and wounds have healed a little, it is easy to forget why you broke up with someone in the first place and it may seem like another shot at your relationship will make things better.

At the end of the day, getting back with an ex is a cross between the easiest and the hardest decision you could ever be faced with. And that decision is totally up to you.

Before you make up your mind, however, consider that history tends to repeat itself. Why keep re-reading the last chapter of your life when you can start a new, exciting one?

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Previously published on “Hello, Love”, a Medium publication.

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