We live in a fast-paced world even for our emotions. “Get over it”, “Snap out of it” are some common phrases used in the Caribbean region when someone experiences a painful break up.
While in no way wallowing in self-pity can contribute to a healthy mental state. Grieving the loss of expectation, of what might have been is something that is real and should be done.
If more persons would take time to own their emotions and even have the time to articulate the emotions they feel our society may not be as angry as it is.
Anger, rage, depression seeks to reap havoc no matter what part of the world you exist and if you look carefully underlying all of those emotions there may be some unexplored loss or pain that one may have experienced.
It is okay to feel the loss.
It is okay to grieve the loss.
Being broken open is hard, it makes one vulnerable, but when you reach out you may be fortunate to meet someone who can say “me too” as they share similar feelings about their loss.
Pain can’t be rushed away.
Taking the time to mourn a loss is often considered weak.
However, it is only when we work through our pain we can move from broken open to broken free and be able to give and experience love again.
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So how can you know if you are hurting from a break up. These are some of the signs that you may experience.
Isolation — You desire to spend time by yourself, even if you are an introvert more time than you normally would by yourself.
If you have to go to work or run errands there is the urgent desire to get back to this “safe space” as quickly as you can.
Sudden outburst of crying — you would at times suddenly break down if a simple matter as you can’t get a door to open. This is your emotional self-responding to the pain.
It is difficult to talk about your ex or even see them. You find yourself either in a fit of rage or unable to stop crying.
You believe that you will mend the relationship even after they have moved on to another relationship ,and you keep hope holding on to their personal possessions with the belief they will return.
All your free time is spent either watching television or some form of media to prevent time with your thoughts.
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These are just some signs, and as we differ so our responses to a break up will differ.
These are some of the things that you may do after a break up and it is normal.
However, if you find yourself unable to let go it may be time to seek some support to find that healing to break free.
What can you do about it.
Name and own the emotions you felt about the breakup. While you may know you are feeling sad, being able to also say you feel abandoned for example, if that is how you are feeling also helps with letting go.
Take the time to mourn the loss — Running from one relationship to another dooms it to failure even before it has started. Own and accept your responsibility in the demise of the relationship but don’t resort to blaming yourself. It achieves nothing useful.
Join a support group if there is one available. Being able to talk about your pain and hear others share similar experiences makes you realize that you are not alone with the emotions that you are experiencing.
Explore doing things that help you feel relaxed — read a book, take a drive, paint, whatever it might be…changing up your routine and putting a pause on making major decisions would allow time to heal.
If nothing seems to work and you can’t seem to even get out of bed for a period of time, it may be time to seek professional help from a therapist who will help you work through the process.
Seeking help is not a sign of weakness or failure but one of strength and awareness.
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In conclusion…breakups hurt. Take time to grieve…it is important to grieve…
If you feel as if life has stopped then reach out for help.
You can and will break out and free to love again in the future. Even after a painful break up…
Give yourself time to heal and grow from the loss.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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Photo credit: LOGAN WEAVER | @LGNWVR on Unsplash