5 Signs You Shouldn’t Be in a Relationship

Not everybody should be in a relationship.

You may think, “but everybody deserves to find love.” But love is a massive responsibility. Not everybody is ready to deal with a serious relationship (and that has nothing to do with deserving love).

People misunderstand relationships.

What comes to your mind when you think of love? Smiles, kisses, cuddles, making a meal together, and raising children. You may face troubles, but romantic comedies taught you love conquers all.

Nobody tells you what it actually takes to build a relationship.

You never think of the sacrifices, commitment, plans, and investments. Real relationships take money, time, and effort. It’s not a child’s game: it’s a life-changing deal.

So people start relationships without realizing what it means.

You may think you want a relationship, but are you ready for it? What if you still have work to do before you make that final commitment?

Here are the signs that you’re not ready for a relationship:

1. You don’t want to be vulnerable.

There’s no free lunch: if you want a reward, you have to pay the price. Love is no exception. If you want to find a partner to share your life with, you have to embrace your vulnerability.

Love makes you vulnerable.

When you’re in love, you give your heart to someone else. You share your insecurities, create a routine, and build a new version of your life with this person. You’re completely invested. Here’s the catch: there’s no guarantee they won’t leave you.

You’re vulnerable because your partner can walk away at any time.

If you want to experience true love, you risk experiencing life-changing heartbreak.

It’s okay if you don’t want to pay the price. But vulnerability is an inherent part of relationships. So if you’re not ready to face the risk, you’re not ready for a relationship.

What to do:

You can’t eliminate vulnerability because you can’t force your partner to stay with you forever (that’s not love; it’s kidnapping). But you can change your mindset.

Imagine the opposite scenario: if you don’t face the risk of heartbreak, you’ll never experience true love. Are you ready to live life without love? So it’s best to embrace the risk.

Instead of fearing heartbreak, work on yourself. When you work on yourself, you’re more confident to deal with challenges.

2. You avoid conflicts at all costs.

Find a relationship that has never faced conflict, and I’ll give you one million dollars (okay, I don’t have one million dollars, but you get my point).

Every relationship has some level of conflict.

It’s absolutely normal to disagree with your partner. In fact, if you never disagree, it means someone doesn’t speak their mind. It’s nearly impossible to find someone who thinks the exact same way you do.

If you want a relationship, you have to learn how to solve conflicts.

If you’re the type of person who avoids conflict at all costs, your relationship will suffer. Your priority shouldn’t be to avoid conflicts; it should be to build a healthy relationship and work on solutions together.

If you’re not ready to deal with conflict, you’re also not ready for a relationship.

What to do:

When you avoid conflicts, you ignore problems. Except these problems won’t disappear simply because you avoid them (they might come back even stronger).

You have to be willing to accept another point of view, listen without judgment, face problems, and work on solutions together.

Here’s the mindset that helps you be more upfront with conflict: you and your partner are on the same team. You both want to create a great relationship. So your partner won’t judge you when you disagree. You want a partner who will listen and help you (if they don’t, run!).

Don’t be afraid to speak your mind.

3. You hate routine.

Contrary to what you expect, relationships get boring. Here’s why: relationships happen in your routine.

Do you know how people say they fall in love because of details? The same details make you fall out of love. It’s making a meal together, a good morning kiss, or a random text.

These routine details make you feel loved. When you ignore them, you also ignore your relationship.

Healthy relationships aren’t a rollercoaster of emotions: they become boring because you establish a routine. When there’s a problem, you solve it. No drama.

It’s okay if you want excitement. But the butterflies in your stomach only happen at the start of relationships (spoiler alert: butterflies die in every relationship).

So if your priority is to feel the excitement, you’re not ready for a long-term commitment.

What to do:

Just because you created a routine together, it doesn’t mean you don’t love your partner. But you face a dangerous risk: getting too comfortable.

The moment you get too comfortable, your relationship dies.

So make sure you create these tiny moments that make your partner feel loved. Don’t be afraid of the routine: use it to your advantage. Do things together, and make plans to keep it exciting.

4. You’re not well with yourself.

Here’s an unspoken rule of relationships: you need to be on good terms with yourself before you commit to someone else.

Relationships are not made of two halves; they’re made of two whole individuals. When one of these individuals isn’t well, the relationship has zero chance to work.

Relationships take a lot of investments of time, money, and energy.

Imagine you want to spend time with your partner. But you can’t because you feel stressed with work, you can’t manage the responsibilities around the house, and you need time to relax. If you spend time with your partner, you won’t enjoy it (and neither will them).

If you’re not well, you can’t invest in any relationship because you need these resources for yourself.

You can’t give something to others if you don’t have it yourself.

What to do:

The first thing you have to do is figure out what you want. It sounds simple, but it isn’t.

You spent your whole life being told what to do: have good grades, go to University, make money, find a nice person, and get married. So you make decisions in automatic mode, without questioning them.

Do you even want to be in a relationship?

Some people want to prioritize their careers. Others don’t believe in marriage. Or maybe you just want to be alone. The decision itself doesn’t matter. What matters is that it’s yours.

If you don’t know what you want, you’re not ready for a relationship.

5. You want freedom.

You may not realize it, but when you commit to a relationship, you give up on part of your freedom.

Relationships are constraining.

A relationship is a contract. The biggest part of this contract is that you’ll be faithful. When you choose someone, you give up on everyone else because you give up on your freedom to meet other people.

There are other examples: when you’re in a relationship, you owe explanations, and you share responsibilities.

Like it or not, relationships take part of your freedom.

What to do:

When you decide to start a relationship, consider the downsides. Love gives you a lot, but it takes some things. You’re not wrong if you’d prefer to keep your freedom and meet other people (or travel the world by yourself).

But if you think this price is too high, you’re not ready for a relationship.

Serious relationships are life-changing. It impacts your mental health, routine, finances, and life. So before you commit to someone, make sure you know what it means.

The old tale of “love conquers all” is bullsh*t. It’s a childish perspective on relationships. A mature perspective considers feelings, implications, and makes decisions based on reality (not a fantasy).

Don’t start a relationship if you’re not ready for it.

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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

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