5 Stupid Ways Guys Destroy Their Chances at Getting Girlfriends

Jeffrey* couldn’t understand why I didn’t want to be in a committed relationship with him. He was a nice(ish) guy, and he was employed at a job.

“Is it my jail record?” he asked. For most people, six years in the clink would be enough to bar him from any serious dating. Not for me. I’ve had exes who spent as long as eight and who faced charges that almost netted them 20.

No, it more or less had to do with him openly telling me that his family would hate me, that he would eventually cheat on me because “that’s what gangsters do,” and because he openly asked me if I would be amenable to adopting an illegitimate kid he may father in the future.

Uh, no. No sir, I would not.

This came to make me think about all the ways I’ve seen guys make themselves undateable and unmarriageable to women. Some are subtle, others are dumb as shit. These are the most preventable reasons why guys make themselves incapable of getting a relationship.

“But I’m a nice guy, you whore!”

Photo by Moises Alex on Unsplash

I think every girl I know has gotten this at least once, and has made the same expression as the girl in the photo above. If you read my stuff a lot, then you know this is the #1 thing I loathe in modern dating culture.

So uh, you know that this is going to be on this list as number one with a bullet, right? I hate to be the guy who has to say this, but I shouldn’t have to say why this behavior is appalling.

I mean, nothing is a turn-on for women like flipping out and calling them a whore/stupid bitch/whatever because she didn’t agree to date you or because she didn’t reply in time, right?

Trust me when I say that women who see a guy behave like this write him off from having any role in her life. She won’t want to be your friend, your lover, a sex partner, or coworker. She also will probably warn other women.

Men like this aren’t nice. They’re terrifying and cruel. They’re oozing resentment that is so thick, it can’t even hide for more than a couple of conversations. These girls aren’t worried about you being nice. They’re worried about you wearing their skin like Buffalo Bill.

If you are the guy who says “women don’t like nice girls” then blows up at them, time to go get therapy. You are not emotionally well enough to date.

“Listen, all [members of a group he belongs to] cheat. You have to expect it.”

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

So, I’ll preface this with the fact that more naive women will assume that they can change that. Women who have been more experienced with people or who have taken their time to understand people will know what this is.

It’s the dude telling on himself. When a guy says this, he’s also including himself in that group. He will end up doing the same awful thing to you, then excuse himself by saying, “What do you expect? All men like me cheat.”

Yep. Hard pass on that one. I personally love it when guys tell on themselves.

“I know I didn’t want to be seen in public with you before, but now that you’re rich/hot it’s okay!”

Photo by Huha Inc. on Unsplash

Deadass, I can’t understand the audacity of some people. I’ve seen this happen with women who rejected guys who get loaded as well as men who rejected the “fat girl” who got super thin. And I’m not talking about regular rejections, but really cruel ones.

I’ve been there. I’ve had men tell me that they would never be caught dead with me or never commit to me because I was the school slut/fat/too poor. Lo and behold, the tables turned and they suddenly have puppy dog eyes. They then say, “I grew up and I’m sorry, can we please date?”

I think I speak for the vast majority of people who have experienced that gross 180-degree attitude change when I say it’s revolting. It’s especially gross if the guy in question was particularly cruel about rejecting you — like many men often can be with “the fat chick” or “the broke chick.”

Like, bro. Who do you think you’re kidding?

I’ve actually made a point of calling out the guys who tried to creep back in my life after a major weight loss or income shift. This isn’t the compliment you think it is fellas. It just shows what a shallow and selfish prick you really were.

A lot of women who lost serious weight tend to carry trauma because of how they saw people treat them when they were fat and how that changed. Unsurprisingly, these women are often called “mean” or “icy” towards guys because they still remember the verbal abuse men gave them for their size before.

I’ve yet to see a woman who’s lost a significant amount of weight or gained a significant amount of money who has agreed to give a guy who berated her for being fat or poor a chance at dating her. Good on them.

“I’m such a player, look at all these girls I bang!”

Photo by 傅甬华 on Unsplash

Most women who have something serious to offer to the table don’t find guys who brag about having sex with everyone attractive. It’s a pretty obvious sign that he’ll just treat her as another notch in his belt and another thing to boast about.

Moreover, most of the guys who do this are insanely insecure and often lie about their experiences. It’s actually a fairly reliable sign that he’s going to be bad in bed.

At most, women *might* fuck a guy who says this stuff if they are bored, but they will just view him as a novelty. They won’t invest time or effort into him. They might, however, laugh at him if he ends up having a mental breakdown over that.

“I know my family/female friend/mom hates you but you’re just going to have to put up with it.”

Photo by Afif Ramdhasuma on Unsplash

This is another thing that many women will put up with when they are younger, but will eventually refuse to bother with. We’ve all heard of couples that were torn apart by an emotionally incestuous mother.

I’ll be honest. I was the person who tried to rescue not one, not two, but five different guys from the arms of their Jocasta Syndrome mothers. (And yes, two of those moms were physically “involved” with their sons.)

Around the time most of my single friends have hit 30, they’ve come into contact with at least one guy who is controlled by his mother to an unhealthy level. They also have met at least one woman who will never be satisfied with the women he brings home.

It’s a special type of betrayal sitting there, hearing your man’s mom call you names and trying to break you up, while your man refuses to stand up for you. It’s abusive on both his and her parts.

It’s one of those things that leaves serious scars on you. Incidentally, most women will only deal with this type of abuse in one relationship before they throw up their hands and say, “Never again.”

That’s why most women will immediately write a guy off who is very enmeshed with his mom. We already know that the real girlfriend is the mom, and he’ll never choose you over Mother Dearest.

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.

***