5 Surprising New Online Dating Terms You Should Keep Up With

One colleague at work has been waiting for a call from a guy she met online for more than two weeks now. “We had great chemistry. I’m sure he’ll call. I just need to be more patient” — was what she said.

She didn’t realize she was being ghosted. She’s madly in love with him that she couldn’t see the red flags. She doesn’t want to accept that the guy is just not into her.

When you’re in the online dating pool, you shouldn’t put your heart on your sleeve because the chances are, you’ll meet a lot of assholes before you find the “one.”

And to reduce your time being wasted by those bad people, you need to get familiar with all the new dating terms.

The main purpose of this article isn’t to help you how to find your “soulmate” on dating apps, but it’s more to help you become aware of certain behaviors that bring nothing but more misery in your life.

For me, online dating is always about filtering out those who aren’t worth our time. And it takes a lot of practice to know what’s good or what’s bad for us.

And understanding the new dating terms is just one of the steps.

So, let’s dive in.

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Ghosting

The term ghosting has become very popular lately, especially among those who’re active on dating apps. And there are more and more articles on how to spot that you’re being ghosted.

So, being ghosted is where you talk to someone you met online intensively for weeks (or months), but then all of a sudden, they’re just gone. No call, no text — nothing.

And that’s where you wonder, ask yourself if you did something wrong and eventually drive your crazy because you’re left hanging. You can’t move on right away either because, what if they come back?

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Let me tell you something — they never come back. Even if they do, they are no longer worth your time.

Breadcrumbing

This term is what I hate the most.

When someone is breadcrumbing you, they don’t exactly tell you what they want. Everything is just unclear. They give you little attention here and there, making you think that they’re interested in you, but in reality — they’re just wasting your time.

People like this like the feeling of being wanted but don’t necessarily want to stick with one person just yet. That’s why it’s easier for them to drop the crumbs and not give the whole loaf.

Kittenfishing & Catfishing

Have you met someone from dating apps and found out they look different from the picture they posted? That’s what it’s called kittenfishing. You make people believe that you’re way better than you actually are.

While kittenfishing is all about exaggerating who you are, catfishing is a complete scam. Who you talk to online isn’t really them. They can put a picture of a 24-year-old guy, but they might be some old man in his 60s.

Both are scary things that people can do to you online. You might lose your sanity or even money. There are cases like that out there already.

Orbiting

Do you have that one ex you met online who dumped you but then months later, they still stalk you on Instagram? What they’re doing is what it’s called orbiting.

It’s like they’re still in your life because with every update you put on your social media, they’d see it. Which makes you wonder maybe they still got feelings for you.

And on your low days, this can be bad for your mental health because now you’re constantly thinking and waiting for them to come back into your life.

The past holds you back from enjoying what you currently have.

Cushioning

Cushioning is the modern term of “taken people who want to have more.” In dating apps, it usually happens when someone’s who’s married goes on a business trip and flirts with you.

So messed up, I know.

They seem like they could give you everything you want and love you like no one else. Yet, at the same time, you can also see they aren’t going to leave their partner for you.

They just keep you as an option and a “safe” place to hide from their life problems.

Cuffing Season

You know those seasons when it gets cold, and it would be nice to have company? This is what the cuffing season term is all about.

And no, they don’t want you to be around anymore when the summer comes because they still like their freedom, and there’s no way they want to commit now.

If you’re in online dating long enough, you’ll notice this pattern where people suddenly show some interest during the cold season because they don’t want to feel lonely.

Yet forget you ever existed once it’s over.

Benching

It’s tricky to spot this benching behavior because no one is truly honest with their intention.

But some early signs such as; not wanting to commit fully or taking the relationship to the next level, avoiding the conversation about the future, and still talking to new people but calling them “friends.”

It’s putting you in a situation where you can still be there just in case their main plan doesn’t work. In short, never date someone who treats you like a freaking option.

Love Bombing

This happens a lot to women simply because women love attention and romantic words. So men use this technique to get her interested by love-bombing her.

These men would call her pretty, send good morning texts every day, make her feel some kind of love that’s never happened before. It’s an overwhelming and crazy kind of love.

It’s hard to ignore this kind of gesture which explains why women fall in love too quickly once they get all this attention.

But then, once these men got her full attention, they left. It’s like they’re addicted to the chase experiences, and once it’s over and a stable relationship starts to happen, they decide to quit and go for the next one.

Situationship

I’ve written quite a lot about what it’s like being in a situationship because I believe it serves you nothing but heartbreak.

You spend a lot together like a couple, but you aren’t really a couple. You got what I mean?

There’s no label to it, and people who like putting others in this situation usually convince the so-partner to care less about the label.

But the point isn’t about getting the label here, being in a situationship can mean they aren’t committed to you and still have their door open. If you are in one, you need to have that “talk” and decide if it’s real or you’re just a pit stop to them.

Stashing

This term depends on how you see social media. But I’ve found lots of people make a big deal out of it when their partners don’t tag/post their pictures on social media.

To them, it’s important for the world to see that they’re together. They like to own their partner. While I personally don’t think it matters, everyone measures someone’s commitment differently.

Stashing is also when your partner doesn’t really want to meet your family or close friends, which makes you think that they aren’t serious enough about being with you.

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The best way to deal with those behaviors

Now you might be wondering, “okay, I know those behaviors now, but how do I deal with them?”

My best answer would be this:

Remove yourself from any situation that makes you feel like shit. No, really.

Once a person does one of those things above, it affects your self-esteem from being so confident to be so insecure and made you think no one could love you enough.

So before you’re stuck in the rabbit hole, remove yourself as soon as possible. You can never change them. You can only change your preference and be better at filtering people who aren’t right for you.

That’s how you roll on the dating apps.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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