5 Symptoms of Relationship Dis-ease

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Relationships are not easy. And most often, you enter into romantic relationships with the intention of making a lasting connection. But sometimes you find that not every relationship is intended to last. People change and relationships do too.

And if you’re like many people, myself included, you have probably found yourself staying in relationships that have expired. So how do you know when it’s time to leave?

Here are 5 symptoms of relationship dis-ease:

Sex

If you’re not having sex, there’s a problem. Keeping in mind that sex does not have to mean penetration. It is completely normal for the frequency of sex to ebb and flow. But if you are not doing any kind of sex, there is a problem—a big one. I hear women say things like, “sex is not the most important thing in a relationship,” and that’s true. It’s not the most important thing, but it’s one of them. Sex is not just about orgasm, it’s about connection. And if you’re not connecting through sexual energy, odds are you’re disconnected in other ways too. Which brings me to my next point.

Talking

If silence has become a third party in your relationship, that’s a sign. People talk because they’re interested. Humans are communicators, period. You do not have to have marathon conversations with your partner. They do not have to be interested in everything you do, but they should be interested, and vice versa. But if you find that one or both of you is hiding behind “busy” or too preoccupied to show up for a conversation, it may be time to reevaluate where you are.

Smell

Smell plays a bigger role in relationships than you think. You are not just attracted to your partner’s scent, you are attracted to the way their scent makes you feel. Although it is mostly unconscious, when your relationship is going well your partner smells “better.” When you are in a good space, your partner’s scent makes you feel safe and secure. But when things are getting sour, your awareness of your partner’s scent changes. You might find that you smell things that you never smelled before. And these changes are often a signal of decreased arousal and attraction.

Logic

If you’re searching for reasons to stay, you need to pay attention to that. Your primitive mind is wired to seek safety above all else. So it will come up with reasons to keep you exactly where you are, even if it feels shitty. It’s not that you enjoy feeling shitty, it’s just familiar. So if you’re always weighing the pros and cons, that’s a sign that there is trouble in paradise.

Intuition

Your body always knows everything before you do. And contrary to popular belief, intuition happens in the body, not the mind. Your body only communicates in truth. Pay attention to your own body language. If you are constantly crossing your arms and hugging your legs when your partner is around, you are protecting yourself. When you are in a good place your body language is open and free. Your gestures are inviting and unrestricted. When things are not going well, your body will always tell the tale.

Relationships are not created equal—they are all different. But in order for any relationship to work, you have to be realistic and honest with yourself, and your partner, about where things stand. If your body is not on board, it won’t be long before your heart abandons ship, too.

If the relationship is salvageable, be committed and do the work.

If the relationship is over, be courageous and do the work.

Whatever happens, stay in integrity and do your work.

Get real, get clear, and take care of you—first.

And know this…walking away doesn’t mean the relationship failed, it just means it ended.

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This post was originally published on the author’s facebook page, and is republished here with her permission.

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