5 Things Great Men Never Fail To Do in a Relationship

You’re a kind-hearted good man; a fierce lover should be your second name. And all you ever wanted was to enjoy a great, happy, and satisfying relationship.

Yet, being in one appears to be a pipe dream that will never come true, despite all of your efforts, tips, and advice you’ve learned from the internet, books, and anywhere else.

Been there. My previous relationships were messy and mediocre at best. Even though I know I’m a fierce lover who would go to any length to make those relationships work. I even applied a lot of tips and advice I’ve learned from the internet, books, and even people around me.

I know how depressing it is to feel like a failure and a loser when it comes to dating. And that no one wants to feel that way in all aspects of life, including their dating experiences.

However, the truth is that a relationship that’s enjoyable, healthy, and as well as satisfying isn’t an unreachable ideal, nor are all our efforts and the advice we try to implement worthless. But there’s a reason why our quests seem beyond realization and our efforts and everything else seem pointless.

Because having amazing and meaningful relationships will be a lot more possible if you’ve made a few basic mindset shifts and adopted a few behaviors that will eventually create your success.

In order words, when you try to steal and recreate the success of those who’ve already achieved what you want to achieve. Rather than attempting to reinvent the wheel.

Because walking in the footsteps of great men who are good at love and relationships could spare you a decade of trial and error.

So, here are what these great men do differently than the majority of men:

1. Thinking of themselves as equals with their partners

I barely know anyone with this faulty belief system whose dating life isn’t a constant source of stress and anxiety. A belief system that forces one to behave as though women are golden prices they must win, despite being undeserving of the prices.

The thing is, for a lot of men, idolizing and putting women on pedestals to the extent that they don’t think of themselves as equals to the women they’re attracted to or whatever is a norm.

However, great men, on the other hand, know that idolization suck and that a great relationship can only be possible when equals come together. Hence, they think of themselves as equals to their love interests or partners instead of idolizing or putting them on pedestals because the latter, will certainly sabotage any relationship.

Whereas, some other men, don’t love and respect themselves enough to believe that their partners or prospective dates will always be lucky to have them too. And to believe that they can also provide a lot of value to their lives as much as a woman can and hence, they end up placing their perceived values below their partners or prospective dates.

But as great men do, you should also bear in mind that placing your value below that of a partner may cause you and even your partner a great deal of stress and strain in the relationship.

Because you’ll be constantly trying to sell yourself to them, prove your worth, and even keep your negative feelings bottled up because you don’t want that person to break up with you.

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2. Communicating effectively and efficiently

Besides avoiding idolizing or placing their partners on pedestals, great men also have an excellent ability to amusingly communicate with their partners or love interests.

Your relationships and even your love life may suffer greatly if you don’t know how to effectively communicate with your partners. In fact, as a result of inadequate communication, you’ll always find yourself in shallow and superficial relationships.

But understanding how your partner wants to be loved (their love languages,) ensuring your partners understand your sentiments and frustrations rather than expecting your partners to be mind readers, and making you a better and more empathetic listener are few of the many ways being an effective and efficient communicator can make your relationship better and less complicated.

Being able to communicate on an emotional level beyond just conversing logically and exchanging ideas or information as great men do, has helped me easily develop a strong bond with my partner, resolve conflicts, and even make our relationship free of unnecessary drama and conflicts.

Because I used to shower my woman with gifts whereas all she ever wanted was quality time with me. That’s her love language. With my ex-girlfriend, I always refuse to speak up whenever she does something upsetting leaving her to figure things out herself.

But when I learned to communicate effectively, I now know how my partner wants to be loved, and never bottle up what’s upsetting me, in fact, I’m now a more considerate and better listener. Because I now know that these are the easiest ways to enjoy deeper, more intimate, and satisfying relationships.

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3. Treating themselves with respect and respecting their partners too

A lot of us are so sold into the idea that being humble, selfless, kind, and nice, is what is expected of a great partner, that most of us end up being too soft and weak to the extent of letting other people define our boundaries as we struggle to say ‘no,’ and worse, we always put up with whatever shit thrown at us.

Great men, however, know better than displaying such acts that do nothing but reflect a lack of understanding of one’s worth and value and even a lack of respect and love for oneself.

Because they also know that people don’t generally think highly of people who have no respect for themselves. Hence, they respect themselves first since it’s the easiest way to command respect from others and thus, enjoy healthier and lasting relationships.

In fact, they also trained themselves to treat others with respect irrespective of their genders.

Because it will be truly difficult to have a healthy and lasting relationship with a woman if she doesn’t feel respected.

Hence, they don’t just respect their partners enough to avoid disregarding their opinions or using abusive words during arguments, but they make sure to avoid violating their partners’ boundaries in any other way.

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4. Being the best cheerleaders their partners could ever have

I’ve always believed that one of the most important characteristics of a solid, healthy relationship is how supportive each party is of the other.

And my experience plus the experience of others around me over the last few years backs up this belief: if you want to enjoy a long-lasting and healthy relationship, you should be able to listen to your partner’s problems, cheer them up when they’re down, and even cheer them on toward their goals.

But for some men out there, it often seems like a struggle for their partners to convince them to show up when celebrating important moments like promotions, birthdays, etc.

They can also be dismissive of their partners’ winnings no matter how minor or otherwise they may be, and often show little to no interest in their partners’ goals, or put up any other unsupportive behaviors.

However, this is precisely what sets great men apart from the majority of men: instead of discouraging and making their partners feel like they can’t do anything with their lives, they walk with their partners through every step of the way, cheering on their victories, and being their comforters in times of defeat.

There was once a time I used to think that I’m being supportive and trying to bring the best out of my girlfriend. Well, it turns out that I was only actively trying to change her instead of being her best cheerleader that’ll make her hopeful of a calm future amid a storm.

But now, I also know better than to tell her when she’s wrong without making her feel bad as I often compliment her when she does something well.

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5. Being ever ready to put in the best efforts

To be a great partner, you need to be that partner who cares enough to put more effort into a relationship and doesn’t relent in showing his partner how much he cherishes and appreciates her.

Think back to the time you were trying to win over your partner: do you remember how you were ever ready to put in the best possible efforts you could to ensure the relationship works in the first place?

That’s what great men don’t just stop doing simply because they’re kind of comfortable in their relationships.

They’ll never become the type of man who’s never ready to put in the extra effort he could in the relationship to ensure positive growth.

When you aren’t such a terribly complacent partner, you won’t see the need to take your partner for granted that you throw cynical and hurtful comments at her, and act like you know her thoughts and feelings before she says them but it always turns out that you don’t, or even make almost every conversation you have with her more shallow than deep.

You’ll instead, be a die-hard loyal, and loving partner who’ll fight tirelessly for what he loves and go to any length to make things work between him and his partner so long as the relationship isn’t toxic.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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