5 Things That a Guy Did RIGHT on Our Second Date

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Ihaven’t been on a second date for the last two years. To be fair, in the last two years I was on three dates (four if we include my gay friend that decided to be my first date in 2025 to set up the mood and set the bar high). The guy, (we’ll call him Josh to fit the previous article about him) has proposed a hike date. I like hiking, and even though the spot he chose was 2h away by car — I was hooked for the idea.

I obviously did what every normal girl would do — I set up my phone to share my location for 8h, I shared all the guy’s info with my family, told them exactly what the plan was, and armed in hopes, dreams, and a book (I’ll get to this) — drove to the spot.

I shared a location with Josh because I don’t text while driving, (And as any normal girl — I did not do it next to my house, but half an hour away. I stopped for this exact reason), and told him what Google claims my ETA to be.

This is where he started with “doing things right” again.

Ah, and I shared my location with my sister with Josh present. I said “oh, I need to update my sister, would you mind?” And he obviously did not mind. He was not offended by me staying safe (I know, *gasp*)

I usually try not to link any of my articles early on, but here’s the background of our first date:

About THE GUY

This has been touched upon in the last article, but I know there will be some keyboard warriors, so…

Josh is not 6 feet tall, I believe he’s more like 5.10? (I suck at this)
Josh is not earning 6 figures — He has a steady job that allows him a life on his terms. That’s what’s important (yes, importance being he’s not struggling and is happy. This point has nothing to do with me).
Josh doesn’t have blue eyes — I still don’t really remember. I know his fav color though — it’s blue like the sky.
Josh is not super handsome — He’s not. He is average-looking. He goes to the gym though, so he’s not a “stickman”, yet he’s not super packed or anything. Just normal looking, taking care of himself!
Josh is a NERD— Like me. And he has actual HOBBIES that are outside of “Gym, netflix & gaming” — heck… he knows how to sew and makes outfits.
Josh is 2 years younger than me — I think I forgot to mention it last time, he just turned 30 (I’m 32. His birthday is actually 3 days after mine).

And yet he got himself a THIRD date

Now that this is off the table… Let’s get to what he did RIGHT!

1. Josh showed me that he listened and cared.

Once I arrived at the parking lot, he was already waiting. Once I opened the door he gave me a hug, and tugged a cup with almond milk matcha latte. Why? Because I had “A way longer drive and need the energy”. The matcha had an “almond” sticker (I’m having issues with lactose), and he even joked that he was looking at barista’s hands to ensure it was almond, so I won’t die halfway through. He listened, and gave me something meaningful, which did not cost him much to do. He also brought my fav sweet — magic stars. He had 5 tiny bags of it.

2. Josh checked with me if I was all ok before we started the hike.

This was my first time in this particular area. Josh asked me if I am warm enough (I took some clothes, and decided on the spot. 2h in Ireland can make a huge weather difference), he also checked with me for the shoes, showed me where the the loo is (because I already drove for 2h), checked my water, and then asked me to hand him that book of mine, so I don’t carry too much. We then proceeded to the map of the place, and picked the longest hike (which turned out to be almost 15km).

I also just remembered: the day before we went, he sent me a screenshot of his weather app saying “I was just double checking the weather and noticed it looks better than we previously thought. But I’d take something extra just in case.” (He also ensured he had something he could put onto me if I was cold, even though it was secured on his hips the entire way, he said he has it for me).

Why this approach was nice: Maybe it’s just me, but usually, even when some of my friends check the weather, they treat me as if I was not capable of doing it myself or thinking. They’d say “It may rain tomorrow, I hope you bring the jacket”. Josh’s approach was… refeshing, because it was not patronizing in a way. (Small things, but this made a HUGE difference for me).

3. Josh had a plan and stuck to it.

The plan of the date was really simple: Go for a long hike, discuss stuff, read me a book out loud on the top of the mountain (I was sick in the meantime and told him my sister was reading me out loud and I loved it, so he decided he wants to read a book of my choice together, out loud), go for a snack, part at a reasonable hour, because I had a long drive back.

Yeah, the book thing: I chose “Lady MacBeth” by Ava Reed. And dear gods… There are some lines, that reading out loud would make anyone blush. The funniest thing is that somewhere halfway through the first chapter came another group of people (Germans) and they sat around, eating while Josh was reading to me. We laughed at some of the stuff, and for one line he said “you are reading along, right? I’m not reading this one out loud.” (it was a pragmatic comparison of a wife and a “whore” said by a middle ages lady… Included “spreading legs”).

We even have a new joke made out of this. He said that “When they came and saw us they probably thought, oh… they are so cute! After hearing what we were reading, they probably thought, oh… they are broken.”

And here’s something I also need to add:

4. Josh was respectful and mindful of my boundaries.

Josh knows that I have issues touching people when I don’t know them too well. While yes, we talked A TON and met up in person for the second time now, he still did not try anything nor violated my boundaries. He was respectful in every way, and I appreciated it.

So, when we found stone benches to sit on on the top of the mountain — and we sat to read — I almost melted. Josh got comfortable to read and after the first page I stopped him and asked if it would be alright for me to touch him and get comfy, so I can read too. He frowned at me and nodded, so I grabbed his hands, lifted them, put my legs over his legs, got his hands back down, and then placed my hands and head on his shoulder for a good look. He said to me “You sure? Is this comfortable for you?”

He asked if I was sure this was alright with me.

Here’s a representation of what I’ve done, in case it’s not clear:

I answered him “You are reading for me, so I’m already melting, plus you made me feel safe in your presence, so I am alright as long as it’s fine with you.” He smiled at this, and kept reading.

HERE’S THE LESSON FOR THE MEN AROUND:
Josh made me feel safe in his presence and showed me multiple times that he respects my boundaries and me as a person. He wasn’t all touchy or taking the whole hand while I gave him a finger. He showed me that it’s not all transactional and that he is not interested in just hooking up. He was caring, gentle, and understanding. He later told me that he enjoyed the trust I gave him with that, and that it meant a lot. See, he didn’t have to force me to touch him or do anything, I did it myself. There was mutual consent, trust, and gentle will to touch one another. Probably better than forcing anyone. But what do I know?

And no, he’s not a simp. He’s just a respectable human being. AND THIS IS HOT!

Josh did not take this as an ongoing consent to touch me whenever he wanted either (spoiler alert, some men take a tap on their back as a consent to touch a woman all the time and wherever. Now THAT’S WORRYING).

5. Josh was open and emotionally available (and damn funny)

While we were hiking (5h hike + the reading break), we discussed everything and nothing. We went through a plethora of topics, and we discussed a couple of relationship topics. He told me about his hopes and dreams for the relationship, and we ranted on how the idea of “your partner being your best friend” doesn’t seem to be working for most people. We both hate the idiotic “I hate my wife/partner” jokes (*puke*) and how if one is to complain on their partner/wife/being married/having a kid — then they shouldn’t be doing those things.

Like… if you don’t want to get married — maybe don’t (pro tip).

Anyway, Josh turned out to be emotionally available, and we had an exchange of “what I like about you”. Byt the end of the hike, he noticed a coin in my car’s door, grabbed it and said “heads and I can be your boyfriend from now on.” to which I answered “tails and we don’t get a third date”. He sneered at me, smirked, and said “that was brutal”. I smiled at him and we changed it to “tails and we can try this again next time”.

It was tails.

After the snack he tried with the coin again. It first showed heads, but fell immediately and showed tails on the floor.

Josh jokes that he will melt that cursed coin next time.

And that is hilarious. We have an inside joke about that coin now.

And we obviously scheduled a third date, which was an idea of the both sides. This is scheduled for Sunday. Let’s hope it goes well.

Conclusion

Despite what the “trust me bro university” tries to tell you — it’s not all about money, looks, height, being an ALPHA, etc. Sure, everyone has preferences and that’s ok, as long as they are healthy and don’t include “give me all and I’ll give you nothing in exchange”.

Respecting women as a human being and someone with boundaries of their own is more sexy than a guy trying to show me “how much he wants me” by ignoring my boundaries. Because NO doesn’t mean “try harder”. It means NO.

So, dear gentlemen… Things can be done right, and it does not include making elaborate and expensive dates, or being the hottest guy on earth.

I’ll keep you posted,

xoxo Lexie.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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