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I haven’t been in this situation for more than two years. The third date was supposed to happen at the guy’s house. Before you judge it — he promised to help me make a leather bag that I need for a fantasy ball in August. He has a whole room with a sewing machine, materials, etc.
As any normal girl I still shared my location with my sis, and she would send me a message every hour to check if I was still alive. Also, fun fact — Josh lives with his parents (like most of millennials I guess).
The plan of the third date? Making that bag, dinner (he cooked), and getting to know each other better through “get closer” card set. A ton of conversations.
I usually try not to link any of my articles early on, but here’s the background of our first and second date:
5 Things That A Guy Did RIGHT On Our First Date
5 Things That a Guy Did RIGHT on Our Second Date
This has been touched upon in the last article, but I know there will be some keyboard warriors, so…
- Josh is not 6 feet tall, I believe he’s more like 5.10? (I suck at this)
- Josh is not earning 6 figures — He has a steady job that allows him a life on his terms. That’s what’s important (yes, importance being he’s not struggling and is happy. This point has nothing to do with me). He lives with his parents, and is about to buy a house.
- Josh has blue eyes — In previous articles I said he doesn’t but I checked — he does. Sorry. Although considering I haven’t noticed till now is telling.
- Josh is not super handsome — He’s not. He is average-looking. He goes to the gym though, so he’s not a “stickman”, yet he’s not super packed or anything. Just normal looking, taking care of himself!
- Josh is a NERD — Like me. And he has actual HOBBIES that are outside of “Gym, netflix & gaming” — heck… he knows how to sew and makes outfits.
- Josh is 2 years younger than me — I think I forgot to mention it last time, he just turned 30 (I’m 32. His birthday is actually 3 days after mine).
And let me tell you that we see each other next week.
Now that this is off the table… Let’s get to what he did RIGHT!
1. Josh has greeted me in front of his house and made sure I wouldn’t get overwhelmed.
Josh has a huge dog and 3 6-month old cats… so there was a whole “PET ME” situation, and the dog is huge. He showed me where the bathroom was, where to get hot water for my tea (and he made me some tea as well). He made sure I was alright and “pampered”.
2. Josh got me flowers, a love letter, and thoughtful stuff.
I rarely get those (maybe this will change), but in one of the conversations we had previously — he asked me what types of flowers I like most. He also delivered. I got the tea, and then have been led to a “surprise” made of the flowers AND a handwritten love letter. This has been followed by a plushie of a black dragon, and my favorite sweets (magic stars).
3. Josh had a plan, but was flexible.
We started making the bag, and it quickly turned out I am pretty useless. So, I was just there, talking to him while he worked (and it was nice). He promised to teach me later. It was not awkward, we sang together, discussed things, and played that card game to get to know each other better. We then went to the grocery store (food) and games store (he needed sleeves for mtg cards).
4. Josh was not ashamed of me or who we are.
I’m a happy person, and in the store I would dance to a fun song that was playing. I’d also hold his hand and pirouette, just to let him “be free” while he shopped for the stuff he needed to cook me dinner. He did not judge me, he acted normal about it, and he was smiling. He said that I was probably the happiest person in tesco, and that he adores me as a person. “Never change” — he said.
We later played mtg (Magic The Gathering — it’s a card nerdy game) commander, and I actually won. He did not get angry or anything, he was just having fun, and promised to build a deck against me. In a funny, not a vicious way. Also… His mum showed up, and she was cheering for me. Which brings me tooo…
When his mum showed up, he proudly introduced me and we had a conversation. His mum asked me questions, and he’d proudly stay with me, do his cooking (we were playing while waiting for the dish to bake), and sometimes say something nice about me. That was the smoothest family meeting experience I have ever had.
Background to this one:
Some guys just say “that is Lexie” and then move away, not allowing any conversation, or just saying “we see each other sometimes”. As if that was shameful to date a woman. Or if that woman was not important enough to be properly introduced.
5. Josh is emotionally available and knows what he wants.
Hear me out — Josh has asked me if I would like to be his girlfriend. He said that since it’s the third date, and we’ve been… “courting” each other for the last 2 months — he would like to move it further.
Josh was open about it and emotionally available. He knows what he wants — he wants to be exclusive and to continue what we start to build up here. It was refreshing, really.
So… I have an official partner now.
Conclusion
So… a nerdy guy that is into sewing (that called himself a seamstress), who is living with his parents (and younger brother), and cooks… has just gotten himself a partner.
It’s almost as if respecting women as a human being and someone with boundaries of their own is more sexy than a guy trying to show me “how much he wants me” or showing me how much of an “alpha male” he is.
It’s almost as if having an actual personality, life skills, hobbies, and emotional availability was more important than all of the “trust me bro university” BS… Like knowing what one wants (instead of “let’s see where it all takes us”), and showing it with respect, as well as respecting other people’s boundaries — was the sexy thing to do.
Bizarre, isn’t it?
So, dear gentlemen… Things can be done right, and it does not include making elaborate and expensive dates, or being the hottest guy on earth. Nor being the most “manly man”.
Anyway… I have a partner now and I am excited to see what comes next!
Oh, and all of that without lowering my standards!
xoxo
Lexie
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Candy Goode on Unsplash