It’s easy to put up some behaviors that’ll not only hurt a romantic partner but will also piss them off — even to the extent that they might feel like not talking to you for days.
And it’s completely okay. We are not perfect and are bound to make such kinds of mistakes.
But sometimes, we end up behaving in some ways that will at worst, often leave our partners feeling overly annoyed, stressed, and even sometimes devastated, and less optimistic about other stresses they’re to deal with in life.
And that’s exactly the reality for a lot of men because their partners often do nothing but behave in the following annoying ways:
1. Expecting a man to consistently “fight for his partner”.
To the best of my knowledge, the most mentally and emotionally stressful relationship I’ve ever been in is one in which I wasted a considerable amount of the so little time I have on earth with someone whose most actions don’t make me trust her.
And no, it wasn’t because I have trust issues. But I’m sure you’ll agree with me that fully trusting a significant other can be so much easier said than done especially when they don’t make it any easier for you.
It was utterly nerve-wracking and soul-crushing to have her endlessly pit me against other guys to see how well I’m going to “fight for her.”
What annoyed me the most was the fact that she often deliberately got flirty with other men. Entertain advances. And even hung out with guys who were obviously interested in her, expecting me to scare my “rivals” off in the name of fighting for her.
At first, I couldn’t get my head on why she was doing all that. But now I know that women who put up such behaviors are doing so because of any or all of the following reasons:
- They’re so immature and insecure enough to set their men against other men to know how well the men are going to “fight” for them.
- They’re so selfish and self-absorbed that they expect their men to prove their commitment by putting up some subtle disloyal acts.
- They’re so afraid of not being loved enough so they wouldn’t mind pitting their partners against other guys to feel a bit safer.
Life is so short and we only have so much time in this world. That’s why it’ll be disheartening to find that someone you’re fully invested in doesn’t deem it fit to make you trust them.
2. Saying one thing but meaning something entirely different.
This is one of the most frustrating and even confusing things for most men.
And the truth is, a lot of women are countlessly doing this without knowing the effects it has on a lot of men. A woman’s fiancé picked something he might want to purchase while they were shopping together. And the next thing she said was: “You don’t really want to buy that, do you?” When all she meant to say was “No, don’t buy it. Put it back.”
Another woman was practically putting her boyfriend in a tight spot by hinting he should do something, only for her to get mad when he does it.
I’ve even experienced something similar in the past. I remember how an ex said that the actress in one movie we watched together was really pretty. I agreed with her (because the actress was actually a beauty to behold). But I ended up getting into trouble — I got accused of saying she was ugly.
All these might seem like somewhat exaggerated examples, but it doesn’t change the fact that the unhealthy habit of some women: saying things that are entirely different from what they mean, doesn’t make sense. And it’s even manipulative to some extent.
No one will enjoy a relationship where all his partner does is often make vague allusions and expect him to be a mind reader that’ll often listen to the stars and moon instead of what she’s saying.
Sure, a little dose of “mystery” or even drama can make a relationship quite “fun” but consistently leaving a man to “decode” everything you say is downright manipulative and will most often than not, drive him nuts.
We all want relationships with partners who will make our lives easier and not someone whose passive behaviors will suck our energy dry, frustrate us, or even drive us crazy.
3. Being so bent on trying to change him.
This doesn’t just come from a deep-seated urge to play the role of a guidance counselor who’s on a mission to fix or save a man even when he doesn’t need saving.
But is one of the most common things that usually happens when someone feels frustrated or disillusioned after searching endlessly for an unrealized ideal partner.
No one will be appreciative of a partner who’s hoping to build, shape, and mold him into her ideal partner since she has failed to find someone who fits the idea of an ideal mate — she has written somewhere at the back of her mind.
Because the truth is, trying to change someone in any way is more or less like trying to impose your ideal on them. And other times, it means you’re trying to impose on them, your made-up fairy tale ideal of a “perfect partner.”
And one of the biggest problems about something like this is the fact that a relationship that’s based on one person consistently seeking to change the other is certainly doomed to fail. And will cause the person on the receiving end a lot of pain.
There are only a few things more painful and annoying than having a partner who’s so bent on changing not just some of your habits, but also your character and who you are as a person.
When they should instead accept and love you the way you are, and not try too hard to impose their beliefs on you.
4. Wanting to be the governor of his life.
My best buddy’s ex probably out of a deep-seated urge to protect herself from helplessness or feeling insignificant, was so stressful enough to bluntly want to control almost every aspect of his life.
Knowing them so well, I’ve always known how much she used to often want to control, dictate, and decide how he spends his day, who he hangs out with, who he talks to on phone, how he spends his money, etc, with little to no respect for his boundaries.
Of course, relationships or marriages where the man is more receptive to influence from his partner often last the longest. I read that in this John Gottman’s book.
But I believe that no one won’t be annoyed or pissed off by a partner who tries to control and force their opinions down his throat — that it often feels like he’s been robbed of his freedom to act, behave, and do things like an adult.
For a healthier, happier, less stressful, and annoying relationship, they’ll be no need for one party to make the other feel like he has lost control of his life and like things aren’t or won’t be ever happening his way.
Sure, it’s great to have a caring and loving partner. But in all honesty, there’s only but a thin line between caring and controlling. Hence, someone who dictates or controls with no sense of respect for one’s boundaries is nowhere near caring. And is utterly annoying.
5. Leveling on him the responsibility for his partner’s happiness.
Many women don’t know how much they’re making their partners’ lives more difficult than usual by leveling on their partners the responsibilities for their own happiness.
You equally won’t be truly happy if all you do in your relationship is make your partner feel like they owe you your own happiness. Because they’re not supposed to complete you. Relationships don’t really work out like that in reality.
But if you’re able to shoulder the responsibility of controlling your life and happiness, you won’t only be a better partner. Because your relationship will stand a better chance of being void of pessimism and bad vibes.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Mrezababaei Photography on Unsplash
