5 Things Women Shouldn’t Do After a Breakup — No Matter How Tempting It Is

Women and men deal with breakups differently.

The biggest significant difference is how women are more expressive when it comes to pain. While men, like to grieve in silence.

I’m not saying one has a better way than the other.

But women, most of them are more emotional, and dealing with a breakup can be tricky.

Too many of them end up going back to square one (aka: having makeup sex with their ex again) — despite claiming they hate them.

The other mistakes they make are also these:

Stalking their ex’s social media — at least once a week

I’m sure men do this as well. But I noticed, women don’t just stalk their ex but they proceed to talk about it to their friends.

I made this mistake as well in the past and I wish I just used that “block” button sooner. Stalking your ex on social media is a recipe for a disaster.

It’s like you walk on an eggshell. You’ll be happy if your ex looks miserable and is still single but you’ll get upset when they’re in a new relationship.

When the breakup is still fresh, it’s normal to feel so much anger inside. Some days you wish you could kill them (not literally).

That’s why the best thing to do is to not see their life updates at all. You don’t ask mutual friends how they’re doing.

And you just stop giving them space in your head altogether.

Going on a date but can’t stop talking about their ex

They’d sign up on Bumble, match with a few people, and go on a first date.

This all sounds fun until they can’t stop rambling about how good their ex was. The sex, the communication, the emotional connection — everything was perfect.

They’d go on for hours describing her ex’s best character and how they think they won’t find someone like their ex ever again.

You might think, “Can someone be this unaware of their toxic own behavior?” the answer is yes.

Especially those who have been overly invested in the relationship before and received a one-sided breakup, have the tendency to sabotage the new relationships.

Here’s the thing: nothing is more unattractive than someone who still talks about their ex on a first date.

Even if you aren’t ready to be in the dating pool, you should never mention anything about your ex. Unless your date asks about it.

Not keeping a journal to document the grieving process

Journaling is powerful. Ryan Holiday says in his book, Stillness in The Key,

“How you journal is much less important than why you are doing it: To get something off your chest. To have quiet time with your thoughts. To clarify those thoughts. To separate the harmful from the insightful.”

Other people might have an idea of how hurtful it is to break up but no one knows exactly how you feel about it.

It’s normal to feel like no one understands you during this period of time.

That’s why you need a way to jot down all those messy and painful feelings on paper. If you don’t even understand your own emotions, how do you expect others to do it?

When I had my first breakup, I wrote a list of why I’m grateful for this breakup. I did it for 2 months in a row.

It sped up my healing process because journaling gave me clarity.

So next time you feel down thinking about your ex, pick up your journal and ask yourself, “why am I still working up about this thing?”

Making every conversation about their ex

It’s easy to get so caught up in our own heads that we think we have the most painful experience in life. No one has it worse than us.

We feel like people should understand and listen to our problems.

But there should be a limit to how much we expect others to “get it”.

While I don’t mind if my friend talks about her ex, I’d find it annoying if that’s all she talks about for months in a row.

Some women do this mistake by thinking it’s OK to talk about their ex all the time. But it’s not.

For a short time, yes, but if it’s been months/years and you still talk about all the problems you and your ex had, then it’s not healthy.

The more you bring up your ex, the longer they’ll live rent-free in your head. And they shouldn’t be because they no longer deserve it.

Talking sh*t about them on social media

Sharing your breakup on social media isn’t necessarily a bad thing. In fact, your stories can help others to feel less alone. You can make them feel stronger too.

However, if you do it by talking ill about your ex nonstop then it’ll backfire on you. Too many times, when someone screams out loud that it’s all their ex’s fault, I see the other way around.

Another thing to consider before you talk badly about your ex on social media is that it’ll hurt your own reputation.

Do you really want to do it knowing your ex is no longer worth your energy? Think about it.

People also can see someone’s true color when they’re dealing with a hard situation.

On top of it all, we also know when a relationship failed, it’s never just one-person fault. Staying respectful despite how it ended is always a better option.

Dating multiple people just to prove they’re still worth it

A friend of mine went wild on dating apps after her divorce. She dated multiple men at once and hooked up with different men every week.

And I know she isn’t the only one doing this. Many women feel like they have to put themselves out there just to prove to their ex that they’re still worth it.

Although the reason behind it makes sense, it’s never a good idea to seek validation from the outside.

As cliche as this sounds, if you think you aren’t worthy to be loved, no man (no matter how perfect he is) can do it for you.

And let’s not talk about the health risks you might get from being with multiple partners in a short time.

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Going through a breakup as a woman means nonstop crying for hours (or days), lots of hangouts with girlfriends, and feeling all the emotions all at once.

But sometimes it’s worth learning to not let our feelings control us. It’s OK to feel sad and frustrated for a while but we also need to remind ourselves that it’s called an ex for a reason.

Being on your own again after a breakup is already hard enough. Don’t add more stress to your life by making those mistakes.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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