5 Things You Should Never Do After a Breakup

Soyou just broke up, and you are at this stage where you are sick of feeling sad. You are looking for ways to heal your pain as soon as possible and feel “normal” again.

But just like everything else in life, everything has its time. You can’t expect your broken heart to heal in a week and the next week you feel like you are ready to mingle again (unless if you’ve checked out the relationship way before the breakup).

“Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” — Marilyn Monroe.

Two years ago, I went through my worst breakup, and it surely felt like hell. I cried for weeks. I kept repeating this conversation in my head of the “what ifs” scenarios — which only made it worse.

When I look back, there are many things that I wish I didn’t do after the breakup. There’s a price for everything, and you certainly don’t want to regret doing the things you actually didn’t want to do in the first place.

Below are the 5 mistakes that you need to avoid after a breakup:

1. Forcing yourself to move on fast

When you just broke up, it’s normal to feel like you have to move on fast. I mean, who likes dealing with those uncomfortable pain, right?

But that doesn’t mean you force yourself to forget all about your ex in the span of two months. Especially when the relationship lasted for a couple of years, doing it will only hurt you more. Because all you do is avoiding the pain, and as people say, the more you avoid it, the bigger it’ll grow.

So take your time to wallow. Feel those emotions; anger, hatred, disappointment, so when it’s time for you to let go, later on, you are fully ready with no grudges left.

2. Doing random hookups and lots of rebounds

Many friends I know are right away going to Tinder after a breakup. Which later on, they regret it because so much time was wasted on the wrong people.

I know doing a rebound seems to be the way to forget your ex but what it does is adding the problems on top of what you already have. There’s a reason why your last relationship didn’t work out. That means you have to work on yourself first before you decide to be with someone new — even if it’s just a one-night stand type of encounter.

When you do random hookups, not only you’ll lose time and energy, but there’s also a higher risk involving your health, such as STDs. So before you make the wrong decision, it’s better to take it slow and spend some time alone to reflect on the breakup.

3. Stalking your ex on social media

I’m lucky my ex isn’t on any social media, so I never really had to stalk him or anything like it. But I’ve seen how doing it can actually harm your mental health and make the moving on the process so much longer.

Instead of putting all the focus back into yourself after the breakup, now you are constantly thinking about what does your ex currently does and who they are with. If you see their Instagram stories with someone new, you’d freak out and get hurt again. It’s like they still have control over your emotions.

Isn’t that sucks? In a way, it’s not fair for you. You don’t want to be that someone who starts revolving your life over your ex. So make use of that “unfollow” button and never look back.

4. Seeing your life as a complete failure

When I broke up with my ex, I really thought my life was over. Because I made him my world, and our relationship was the only thing that I was proud of. Knowing it fell apart has made me see myself as a complete failure.

Now two years down the road, I wish I could be kinder to myself at that time. The truth is, it wasn’t as bad as I thought. There are so many other things in life that I can do without my ex, and a relationship definitely doesn’t define whether you are successful in overall life or not.

So if you’ve been having these thoughts, it’s time to give yourself a gentle reminder that it’s not the case. You are still loved. You are doing great in other areas of life. And just because your relationship is broken, that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve a better one in the future.

5. Not cutting off the communication with your ex

I’ve written a whole article about how important it is to cut contact with your ex once you break up. It doesn’t matter if your ex calls you selfish or cold-hearted. The relationship is over, so you have the right to prioritize your well-being.

Many people don’t want to cut things off with their ex because they think it’s rude. But no, it might be one of the best things you could do for yourself. We all need time and space to heal, and it’s harder to do when your ex is still around.

I know this is true because the relationship isn’t really over when you still send a text or call your ex 24/7. You know they aren’t right for you, yet you still invest in them. So what’s the point? Unless if you still want to win them back.

So to make it easier for you, you can tell yourself (or your ex) that you both can be friends again in the future but not right now. This way, you can focus on yourself and rebuilding your life.

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Noone says moving on is easy. You’ll deal with different types of emotions, from sadness, hatred, and back to sadness that seems to never end. But trust me, it will.

At some point, your heart will know how to forgive and let go. You won’t cry to sleep over your ex anymore. And you’ll reach that moment when you are truly glad you don’t end up with them.

But before you get to that stage, all you need to do is to be patient with yourself and trust the process that whatever happens to you right now is for the best.

You got this.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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