Four years ago, everything was going well. I was in a relationship. I met her at the high school where our friendship had begun. Subsequently, times changed, our places changed and so did our lives but the commitment still remained the same – at least I thought so.
Then, something amazing happened that I least expected: we broke up.
Like a lightning bolt in a quiet stormy sky, it struck my life and I did not know how to handle it. All those rosy dreams that I had nurtured now stood in front of me and demanded an explanation, an explanation that I struggled to come up with back then. Life seemed nothing but a chaotic confusion and I stood right in the center of it.
It took some time but I realized life had to move on with a different purpose and a new set of people.
Love is a beautiful emotion and a basic need of any living being. It has the power to transform lives and change people for the better. But often, it just doesn’t work out the way we want it.
Emotions flare up, distances grow, actions grow more impulsive and before we realize we hit the dead-end. Where do I go from here? She or he left me. I had some many dreams about her or him – going on candlelit dinners, proposing with a rose in hand, marriage, going on a holiday trip together and so on. What am I going to do with all these dreams now? I loved her so much. So why did she leave? Surely I am bad and I am doomed. Chain of thoughts barge in endlessly and you suddenly start feeling low.
However, you always deserve to feel good about your life. Relationship break-up is a bend and not an end in the journey of life. Following are the 5 tips that will help you deal with a breakup.
- Associate life with goals and not with people: One of the reasons why you feel pain during such times is that till now you had made the other person an answer to what the purpose of your life is. However, your life is about living your dreams. You have a passion (each one of us does have a passion!), a skill set and opportunities to put both in use and make the world a better place. So, why not harness it instead of bemoaning the loss?
- Introspect with detachment: When the emotions are running high, intellect becomes hazy and you tend to draw conclusions that are not true. Rewinding the series of events that led to this point in time and observing how each event unfolded without judging yourself or the other person can reveal a lot and can even help to alleviate the pain. Maybe she or he never got along well with you in the first place and it was your mind that had been spinning an illusion that it was a relationship in making? Maybe you were in hurry to make a judgment about her or him based on a trivial fact that you heard from someone else and that hurt the other person – It could be any small insight that could shift your perspective about the situation by a long way. If it was a momentary decision and you think it can be resolved, then get up and talk about it. That can help to repair the damage. If you are sure that the relationship is finished, then also it is fine. Embrace it and look forward to a new beginning.
- Take up new projects in life: One of the things that I did after my break up, was to start a poetry blog. Writing had always been a passion and I used the situation as an opportunity to channelize my creativity into something more productive and satisfying. When someone for whom you care so much leaves you, you feel drained out emotionally because the person had been receiving a lot of attention and emotional energy from you till then and now that energy creates unrest in your mind. By focussing that energy in activities that you love – be it writing a book, singing a song, dancing, painting,traveling to new places or even cooking new dishes for your family, you stand by yourself and you don’t let your energy get wasted in negative pointless thinking. Who knows – the new project you took up might be your true passion and your purpose in life, that you had been looking for.
- See the bigger picture: One of the aftereffects of the abrupt end of relationships is that you often tend to lose touch with reality. Suddenly, you find that the world is a ruthless place where betrayal is an order of the day. But, wait a minute – why is the world now a bad place all of a sudden? Okay, he or she cheated you. So, how does that lead to the fact that the world is bad? Surely, the world is a bigger place with so many more people. And what’s more – this breakup could be a blessing in disguise. Often certain relationships are like weeds in the garden of your life. They grow profusely, take your time, suck your energy and leave no space available for you to be yourself and pursue your life, in the first place. Always remember, a true relationship is a beautiful chapter of the book called life and the book is always more significant than the chapters that make it up.
- Love yourself, first: Last but not the least, continue to love yourself the way you are. Rejection doesn’t mean you are too bad for a relationship. It only means the other person couldn’t discover your true worth and so moved past you. In such situations, remind yourself of your strengths. Your strengths are an important part of your personality that is unique to you with a special combination of traits that only you have in this world. So, celebrate this fact and embrace yourself. Hold yourself true in the eyes of the world, continue following your passion and the universe will stand by you if not your ex. Always remember, the change begins with you.
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Originally Published on SubratWrites