Dayana is the exact definition of a great friend. I met her two years ago in my room.
Yes, exactly in my room. We have been living together on 15 square meters for more than one year in an odd student dormitory. And despite it, we became very close friends.
From unexpected karaoke parties to the longest breakfasts of my life, we’ve shared many great moments. Even though we only know each other for around 2 years, we already moved out three times and lived together in 4 different places.
My friendship with Dayana is the most balanced relationship I’ve ever had, and I’m so grateful for having her in my life. So let me introduce her qualities to you. What traits make her such an outstanding friend?
If you’re seeking a great friendship, one that has the chance to withstand a lifetime, it’s important for you to look for someone with these qualities:
. . .
They will accept you the way you are.
Back then in high school, I befriended some girls who were always spotting my mistakes. I was either too shy, too fat, or too clumsy. Anyway, my characteristics always needed changes. I couldn’t fit in.
Me, being overly sensitive sometimes, ended up trying to please those girls. I reacted to their feedback and felt miserable most of the time we spent together. I tried to shape myself according to their expectations. In the meantime, I forgot something very important: friendship shouldn’t feel like this.
On the other hand, from the very first moment of our friendship, Dayana has never wanted to change me. She was happy about how my life improved, but she didn’t want to shape me according to her expectations. She accepted me the way I am, with all my flaws and deficiencies. And she never highlighted my mistakes, although obviously, I have some.
In contrast with my highschool friends, Dayana definitely wants to have a friendship with me, and not with a person of her imagination.
How to attract this:
Two words: self-acceptance. To attract people in your life who will welcome you the way you are, you’ll have to learn how to accept yourself first.
It is normal to have flaws. Admit them, but at the same time, try to make peace with your shadows. If you learn how to love and embrace yourself, the right people will eventually enter your life.
. . .
They will be always there when you need them.
Since I know her, Dayana has been always there for me. After I broke up, had serious conflicts with my parents, and gathered even tougher life experiences, she was by my side.
She listens to my problems carefully, never belittles them, and she doesn’t try to give me superficial advice either. When she expresses her opinion about how I should proceed, I know that it is a reasoned and deliberate piece of advice. And it’s worth taking it seriously. Sometimes though we just cuddled and cried together for hours.
When I say she is there for me, I mean completely. Without rushing to meet other people or complete a more important task in her calendar. She takes her time to understand my situation and feel empathy. And I think that’s an extremely rare trait.
Great friends will listen to everything that you have to say and will make you a priority in their busy world.
How to attract this:
Be like this. When was the last time you truly cared about what a friend of yours shared with you? When was the last time you truly listened without thinking about your next tasks?
Start making time for the right people in your life, for the most important ones. Listen to them and pour your heart fully into your relationships.
I know that playing without emotions and without caring is the safe side because then people won’t be able to hurt you. But this way you might never experience true friendships either.
. . .
The ability to simply coexist.
As we live together with Dayana, we learned how to coexist next to each other peacefully. We study, read, listen to music, cook, or eat together. Sometimes I don’t even recognize that she’s in the same room with me. We can do so many things next to, but separately from each other.
These kinds of activities with her are so calming and uplifting. It feels like we are recharging together from the noise of the world.
I find it extraordinary to have someone in my life with whom I don’t have to actively do something all the time, but can simply embrace the course of life.
How to attract this:
Even though for me it feels just right to simply coexist with someone, you might argue that this is not taking a friendship in any direction because one could be simply alone as well. If that’s the case, I accept your opinion.
I have a few introverted traits, therefore usually I have to spend some time alone after being surrounded by people. I love the fact that I can be together with someone without the need to recharge and be alone. It’s something new for me because coexisting with Dayana truly feels like ‘alone time’.
If you chose to have something similar in your life, you can simply do the following. Invite your friends and engage in activities separately from each other. You can read, co-work, study, or just surf the internet, while your friend is also doing his or her duties.
. . .
They’ll offer you a cup of tea
Every time I arrived wearily from university and Dayana was already at home, she offered me a cup of tea. It somehow became our daily routine. We were drinking tea and chit-chatting about our days, music, politics, and basically about any possible awkward topic. We’ve been doing it literally every day.
This simple habit makes my days both unique and cozy. Drinking a cup of tea is a tiny pleasure that brightens up my days no matter what. Even though I got used to this, it remained very special. It’s a tradition that gives me security in the rush.
The main point of the cup of tea is to engage in an uplifting activity together, on a regular basis.
How to attract this:
Create a habit with your friends, stick to it, and meet regularly.
Your activities don’t have to be drinking tea. It can be anything from Saturday dinner nights to weekly Monday board game sessions.
. . .
Trust & Honesty
Lastly, you know that you can trust them. You can be honest with them about your problems, feelings, insecurities, happy moments, and they won’t take advantage of you. They won’t misuse the information you shared with them, and you can calmly be vulnerable in front of them.
I know that I can be honest with Dayana, and I’m sure she would never hurt me. I simply feel that I can trust her.
How to attract this:
You cannot really attract trust. It is rather built.
Carthage Buckley, a stress and performance coach, recommends us 12 general tips that can help in building trust.
- Be true to your word and follow through with your actions
- Learn how to communicate effectively with others
- Remind yourself that it takes time to build and earn trust
- Take time to make decisions and think before acting too quickly
- Value the relationships that you have — and don’t take them for granted
- Develop your team skills and participate openly
- Always be honest
- Help people whenever you can
- Don’t hide your feelings
- Don’t always self-promote
- Always do what you believe to be right
- Admit your mistakes
. . .
Before you leave
All friendships are unique, and there are many more characteristics of a great friend, not just the five I mentioned. Although I find most of these qualities essential for building long-lasting relationships. These traits make my friendship with Dayana especially strong.
I wish all of you had a person in your life like Dayana.
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This post was previously published on Hello, Love.
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Photo credit: Unsplash